An entire day alone with SS and BS
Today is national day in my country.
I don't work, my BS baby sitter either. SS activity center is closed but DH needs to work.
I agreed to stay home with the children only because we have camera everywhere in the house. I absolutely don't trust him anymore so it's my only way to feel safe at home.
I specified DH i won't entertain SS today. Only basical watch and meals. He will have to entertain himself, because since his "i was bored" last time drama, DH explained to him that no extra will be planned for him anymore.
I will capitalize on BS nap times (3 x 2 hours) to relax as i'm really stressed and anxious. But i feel guilty to let SS entertain himself alone. I don't want to spend play times with him, but still feel guilty. I guess it's normal to feel this way since it's the first time i don't make any extra effort to please him.
Yesterday evening, MIL tried to call DH beside the fact that she knows DH cut ties. We checked out SS phone (which is locked in our safe) and we couldn't count how many times MIL and SIL tried to reach him. So many notifications ! Yes they know SS phone is not allowed in our house and contact with both of them are forbiden during his stay. They could wait until the end of the week to reach him, but no, they still try to make a contact !
I'll take a screeshot at the end of his stay to complete my harassement file.
SS is no obsequious and needy since the big welcome talk. He just can't stop asking questions like "is my behaviour correct?" "Are you happy i'm not telling lies?". He just searches for compliment. I'm really strict with my answer : "not badmouthing your father and i is not an exploit, it's a NORMAL behaviour, you won't have any compliment for that". Then, he asks "will you trust me now ?" Answer is clear "i don't trust you at all, i will trust you if i see there is no lie and drama when you go back to your mom - loosing trust is easy, earn it take time and effort".
My son's babysitter met him monday just before we live to work/center activity. When he saw her, he sticked to her and just didn't stop to talk, and talk and talk. "Hey, look at this, and look at that ..". I didn't have to say anything because she started to be really annoyed and told him "i'm sorry but i can't watch your game, you see that i'm changing BS diaper".
The evening, she talked about him and said that in 10 years of work, she never ever meet a such self centered child. I didn't make any comment (i don't want to talk about our family dynamic) but was happy to see i'm not the only one to think that.
Our cleaning lady doesn't like him either. She was the one who heard SS telling MIL at phone that i let him alone at home and didn't want him to come with BS and I on a walk. That lie came just after the fact i asked him (in front of her) many times to come with us ! Yesterday, she told me "you should be careful with him, something is wrong with him". Well, i'm aware ! Thank you.
Let's see how the day will go one.
- Caroline2b1211's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
All I can say is that I hope
All I can say is that I hope oyur husband gets home early this evening.
Oh and Happy Bastille Day! Will you at least get the firework display this evening or are you in one of those places that have cancelled theirs?
Yes i hope too !
Yes i hope too ! Unfortunately, it seems he has a lot of work to do...
Thank you for Bastille Day ! I would love to go to fireworks, however they are sheduled at 11 pm, and it doesn't match my 8 months old baby schedule.
Plonk him in front of the TV
The TV is your friend for the day. Don't give him other electronics but tell him to watch TV. Do you have any friend(s) who could come to visit during the day?
Happy Bastille Day
I accidentalSM,
I accidentalSM,
TV is on living room, BS naps in my room and i just want to enjoy free and calm moment ALONE. SS has his switch and play in his room since i asked him to let me relax.
Nope, no friend available today. They all work (hotels and restaurants as i live in a summer touristic region) or have beach plans unfortunately.
It's gonna be a loooong day
If we're talking about
If we're talking about balancing the scales, his one day of correct behaviour and no lies is the tiniest fraction of the time he's spent lying. Maybe when he's spent more time being honest than deceitful we can talk about "trusting him yet". Gonna take a lot more days than just one. For all we know this one day is just another way he's lying about changing when he's really the same underneath.
For all we know this one day
You are so true ! That's how i felt when he started to ask those question "are you happy i'm not lying", i just felt unconfortable and found his question really fake.
However, SS is now used to be selfcentered, obsequious, rewarded for absolutely NOTHING and over protected by DH's toxic/dysfunctionnal familly he just can't tolerate non immediate forgiveness.
Happy Bastille Day!
Usually children who are brought up "kid centric" by their misguided parents, are unable to self entertain.
Sigh...classic French culture is anti kid centric...I guess the old ways are crumbling there as well.
Oh yes, especially in my
Oh yes, especially in my region.
Where i live, almost all kids are golden children, raised to be self centered, dependant and needy. The purpose of childhood is to "be happy" and parents role is to entertain them.
Nothing is about teaching values, sense of effort and preparing children to be self independant and responsible adult.
SS has been raised like that, and toxic/dysfunctionnal DH's familly doesn't help at all !
Thankfully, i'll do whatever i can to raise my child in a more traditionnal way. According to my principles, childhood goal is not "to be happy" but to build strong emotional, psycological and social capabilities to grown up and make a place in our society.
I'm actually quite impressed
I'm actually quite impressed by the kids around here. My daughters are now 18 but I've never had the slightest worry about any of their friends - they are all polite, respectful and generally nice, kind kids ... which doesn't exclude silly senses of humour and daft ideas but at least I know I can trust them. And I've never had any trouble when I say "no" (for instance, a few years back, I said "no" to a sleepover where I didn't know the parents ...yet). Maybe I've just been lucky.
Hi winterglow ! I do hope my
Hi winterglow ! I do hope my son will grow up with healthy friends as well.
My opinion must be distorted by the fact that the only children i have been in contact with for the last years are from DH familly. (Spoiled nefews).
Every family has some of
Every family has some of those! lol
I read an article about that.
I read an article about that. How France doesn't have near the percentage of ADHD that the US does, due to their lifestyle.
Guilty feelings...
However, despite the fact i absolutely don't want to entertain SS, i'm feeling really guilty to let him in his room the entire morning.
Are these feelings normal ? Or just a red flag to make me realize i'm maybe too hard on him ?
It's really confusing.
Well then I must be a
Well then I must be a horrible mother for leaving my three year old in front of the tv with her breakfast, a bottle of water and toys in the entertainment room while I crawled back into bed this morning. I came down later to find her playing with her dollhouse. If a toddler can feed herself, chuck the bowl in the sink and play quietly then a 9 year old should be able to as well. I think the red flag isn't that you're too hard on him, it's that he's got zero life skills this late in the game. My little girl didn't just wake up one day being able to do all that. It's been hard work reinforcing baby steps day by day since she was a year old.
Hi The_Upgrade,
Hi The_Upgrade,
Your little one is more independant than my SS !
Of course it's a question of education. I'm working on that with my 8 months old son. I let him play and explore his environment by himself as often as i can. Surely I'm watching him for his safety, and he search for my look, but i encourage him to do things by himself.
He's 9, yes?
He is 9 years old. He doesn't need to be entertained. At that age I'd have been sent off to read a book or play in the garden most of the holiday. I remember distinctly being given special permission to watch TV during the day because it was the olympics.
Stop feeling guilty. It is only one day.
Me too ! I'm an only child so
Me too ! I'm an only child so i spent most of my holidays reading and playing alone with my imagination.
But i used to play with SS everytime he went : society games, lego etc.. and anything that he wanted. So it's just so weard not to do so
He's 9 years old. He can play
He's 9 years old. He can play near you but on his own. He can do a craft, play his switch, invent his own fun. It seems like he's not used to doing any of that but it isn't your job on one day to teach him.
If it's not too personal, what are the multiple messeages from your MIL/SIL to him about?
Hello agedout,
Hello agedout,
There are calls and messages. The only message i have seen is from MIL "hi darling, i'm really worried, can you at least tell me you are fine?". It's the last message. I didn't read the multiple others and the ones from SIL. I don't want to break his intimacy.
SS called BM at noon, from my phone. Everything gone well, so if the two crazy want news, they can ask BM !
Happy Bastille Day!
I listen to a radio channel that listed the facts that Bastille Day was named after a famous French Prison and that BD is celebrated in over 14 different countries including Canada and the Czech Republic. Plus they played some French marching songs (its a classical radio station).
SS can entertain his own big bad self and isnt it nice to recieve validation that there is something wrong with this kiddo?
I CLove, you are absolutely
I CLove, you are absolutely right. Bastille Day celebrates the french revolution, when the nation took down the Bastille prison (that was representing monarchy's power and authoriy).
Thankfully it's the end of the day. All went "normally" but SS bad habits are still there, and obsequious questions such as "are you happy that i'm going to shower" have been asked all the day !
Caroline, you said this "nly
Caroline, you said this "nly message i have seen is from MIL "hi darling, i'm really worried, can you at least tell me you are fine?". It's the last message. I didn't read the multiple others and the ones from SIL. I don't want to break his intimacy. "
I think you meant privacy-that said, at age 9 there is no such thing as privacy- especially when a child that age isn't old enough to be responsible with a phone- it's your dh's job to protect his son by monitoring these texts and what they say-every last one should be screen shot and saved and read so you know how to counter it- I actually would screen shot and delete them. There is no reason to allow him to be poisoned and mentally messed/abused with by these women once his phone is returned.
I would wipe it clean so he sees no history of missed calls/texts/voicemails-AFTER documenting or forward to your dh's phone for proof of alienation. Is your DH planning on getting some kind of protection order for them? It is psychological abuse.