News from BM, It’s a disaster
Today DH called BM to have a serious talk about SS.
They stayed one hour on the phone, talking about his behaviour which everyday worst.
DH learnt that SS falsely accused his step-dad of physical violence with MIL. She found out some text conversation about it.
Plus, SS accused BM of unequal treatment between his brother (BM second son) and him.
In addition, he started to fight at school and the director excluded him for 2 days.
He his only 9 and i can’t believe how fast he changed. Only in few months.
DH suggested to stop contacts between SS and MIL, but BM made him understand she needed her as a free nanny.
DH talked about the therapist, but BM said she didn’t have money. DH suggested to pay the expenses (we have a good health insurance). But, even if she recognised SS need professional support, she argued she didn’t have time to bring him to his appointment.
I feel sorry form my SS, he was such a nice boy.
I’m so exited to receive him for summer visitation, sure we will have some fun....
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Come on! She needs her as a
Come on! She needs her as a free nanny? That's ridiculous. I am glad at least the BM is feeling the pain of what she's helped create.
I don't know the laws of your country - is there any chance DH could get custody of this kid, since BM refuses to get him any help?
Before Sd20 was a stripper/porn star
She was baker acted. She badly needed therapy and medication. They took her to one appointment and never took her back. North Korea doesn't believe in meds so the Prozac lasted for a weekend. My own Dd was very depressed a year ago and a year later on meds and weekly therapy appointments have done her so much good. Her grades are great and she has friends and a social life. When are kids are in pain and acting out and we do nothing, it only gets worse. Like I said my sd is a sex worker now. And a year and a half ago she was with an abusive boyfriend who beat and raped her. I really think her life would probably be way different than it is now if she had gotten the help she badly needed when she was underage but it didn't happen and look where she is.
I'm so sorry for your SD. She
I'm so sorry for your SD. She must suffers from lack of care and treatment.
How your DH deals with that ? I'm really worried about SS future, and DH is definitely not realistic. Yesterday he told me "i hope we won't become like me" (ie: he started to work at age 15, and has not high graduated education). I was shocked by his lack of analysis of the situation and answered "the best i wish him is to become like you"...
That's exactly what i though.
That's exactly what i though. She feels the pain of what she's helped create.
Yes that's right, she needs free nanny. As said in previous post, she sends him to MIL on her time during WE and part holidays.
SS would never like to live with us, especially now that he used to do whatever he wants. At home, we have rules, and i'm sure he won't appreciate. As an example, he doesn't want to come for the entire summer. He accepts only 3 weeks ... and of course BM says that his voice must be listened (remember he is a child who choses if he wants to medicate or not).
There is no judgment, all is amicable agreement. A big mistake DH made..
He's 9. In the US, Family
He's 9. In the US, Family Court does not let 9-year-olds make decisions and I doubt they do in France (?) either.
Right, in france, the legal
Right, in france, the legal age to take such decision is 12. However, from what i found on forums and blogs, a judge will never ask a child who lived all his life with his mother to go to his dad unless he is in a dangerous situation (bad treatment, physical abuses etc..)
Then, to have a "chance", DH will have to prove how BM is careless mother, and i'm sure he will never want to go this way.
But i agree, this boy would be better with us and could have a good education by excluding toxic and dysfunctional people from his life.
Even at 12 it is ONE factor.
Even at 12 it is ONE factor. That is what so many people don't understand. One out of something like 12 factors that are considered.
My DD13 decided a couple of months ago that she wanted to live with her dad. He was making a bunch of false promises to her in order to get out of CS. There was no reason to have her change custody. My home is stable, she is cared for, makes good grades, etc. - my kids SM even told me that the attorney they consulted said that they don't have a shot in hell and DD's whims are not enough. If teenagers were allowed to decide custody every time they got mad a one parent they could just up and leave and go to the other's house.
At 9, he wouldn't even be consulted. You have PLENTY of reasons to take up this fight. Get as much documentation as possible and file for a change of custody. Right now you have a shot at turning him around, 3-4-5 years from now it will be too late.
"DH talked about the
"DH talked about the therapist, but BM said she didn’t have money. DH suggested to pay the expenses (we have a good health insurance). But, even if she recognised SS need professional support, she argued she didn’t have time to bring him to his appointment."
That's so disappointing, will she have time to deal with his ongoing behavioural issues??? Is your husband able to pick him up and take him to appointments if his mother won't make the time? Apologies if it's not geographically feasible, sometimes it's been the only solution for us due to a crap mother who appears to not get that children need to be taken to things even when it's inconvenient.
We had the same issues with extracurricular activities or anything that takes even a small amount of effort, she claimed didn't have the money and then didn't have the time when we offered to pay as it was in their best interest. No go. They could barely swim, have never experienced things like scouts and were in need of some form of therapy due to her behaviour.
Fortunately she buggered off interstate and abandoned them, leaving us to scrabble to catch up with everything, but finally able to. Better late than never I guess!