SS10 Blew Off DH
We FaceTime with SS10 twice per week, usually for a half an hour or so for each call. Since we only see SS for 6 weeks every year, often going several months between visits, this is really our only way to stay connected.
This past summer, DH had a hard time connecting with SS during their calls. BM and GF always sit and eavesdrop on the call (even if they swear they don't) so DH refrains from telling SS anything really about our life or what has been happening. DH usually asks SS about school, sports, new books he has read, weekend plans, etc. which usually get one word responses. DH signed up for a fantasy football league this fall just as a way to connect with SS, since SS only cares about football. This worked well and DH and SS would spend almost all of their calls talking about rankings and different teams/players.
Last night, DH called SS. They ran through the usual how is school, how is basketball, any fun weekend plans, etc. "Good, fine, nothing." SS didn't really talk much. DH then went into football stats and SS said "I'm going to let you go so I can watch the game" and hung up.
DH played it off like it was no big deal but I could see the hurt on his face. We only talk to SS for maybe an hour a week total and don't see him for months, yet a football game on TV is more important. I told DH that SS doesn't value family connection because BM has never valued family. BM views her family as a tool and only cares if they can help her financially or do something that benefits her, so why do we think SS will turn out any different? DH wondered if it is just a pre-teen thing or if this is a PAS thing because SS isn't that connected to DH. It sucks that it's like this, but we know there is really nothing we can do and that we are likely at the end of the line with SS wanting to be in our lives.
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Comments
It's Unfortunate
He will probably continue this "vanishing" behavior as he gets older. From what I've seen in my world, it's not that the kids don't love their dads, it's just they have a warped understanding of what loving a parent is. DHs kids are the same. They do love him but have no ability to show him that except through words that never match their actions. I could give you countless examples from our life but you know it from being on this board. It's so sad to see DH, who right now, has decided to go ahead and send his grandkids Christmas gifts (books) regardless that he's relegated to third place in their lives. BMs family, spouses' family, then DH. Add in the fact I'm completely disengaged from DHs kids, which impacts him visiting as much as he could if we'd go together....well, it's just a sad situation. But nothing I can do anything about. That's his kids, their family dynamics.
Sending you a hug.
Oh, we know how that goes. SS
Oh, we know how that goes. SS would pick BM, GF, and both of their families, before he would ever pick DH. SS doesn't view DH as a parent, he views him as an extended family member and not even an important one. I have finally accepted the dynamic for what it is, but I know DH is still struggling.
I applaud both you and DH for maintaining that contact with
SS with a 6wk/yr visitation schedule.
We were the CP household. The NCP clan had 7wks of long distance visitation with SS per year. 5Wks summer, 1Wk winter, 1Wk spring. The rejected a number of their visitations over the years including two or three stretches where they did not see him for a year or more over the 16+ years of the CO.
Not once did anyone in the SpermClan call to speak with SS. Not once. Ever. Their calls were to fight with mY DW or to work on visitation travel schedules while trying to weasel getting my wife to make their travel arrangements, split round trip tickets, and generally be a neusance.
Your and DH's commitment to the regular calls is indicitive of your quality and character IMHO.
Neither of which ever made an appearance at any level in the SpermClan's shallow and polluted gene pool.
Except for our son. He... escaped that genetic cesspool and is a man of character, honor, intelligence, and performance.
I hope your SS gets there as well.