Following on from stuff I have posted about previously (http://www.steptalk.org/node/161065). In short, it's all about how I feel SO isn't setting appropriate boundaries with BM, moving her things to her new house, fixing her car, doing her DIY, etc.

Well... where to start really? After my last post there have been ups and downs. The good news is that BM has now been moved (after SO spending three whole Sundays moving her stuff around) so I get to spend some time with SO again over the weekends. The last day, he asked me to go out to dinner with him that evening after he'd got back from moving the last of BM's stuff. I decided that yes, it would be nice to actually GO OUT somewhere together, and proposed to go to the restaurant where we had our first date. SO agreed and left for BM's, only to return that evening to decide that actually, he 'couldn't be bothered' to go anywhere any more because he'd had a hard day moving BM's things over. Needless to say I was hurt and angry. I told him that I would like to go out with him as planned, but that I wouldn't drag him out against his will either. He decided to stay in and cook dinner and I went into the living room, still upset and, I'm somewhat ashamed to say, behaving in a very passive-aggressive fashion. I guess he finally noticed that I wasn't happy because he kept coming in to ask me whether I wanted to go out for dinner, and eventually decided that we should go out after all. Sadly he took me to the local pub instead of the restaurant we'd been planning to go to, but I guess at least he made some kind of effort.

So anyway. Over dinner yesterday evening he told me that he'd promised BM he'd go over to her new house one night this week to help her move some of the heavier things around her house. Oh, and that he had bought her a moving in present from the gardening store because he'd spotted this present and thought that BM would appreciate it. Never mind that BM never gave us so much as a congratulations-on-moving card from the kids...

So this morning, I had a chat with him about all of this. I tried to keep it light because I hate it when we fight, it leaves me feeling horrible. I spelled it out for him this time because apparently the message didn't get through the other times I've tried to talk to him about it. I told him that I feel that what he's doing is disrespectful to me. He said it wasn't, and I told him that actually, it does feel that way to me. That BM is not a helpless woman and she's got plenty of friends and family to help her move, to help her with her DIY and that if she wants her car fixing, there are plenty of good mechanics around that will happily do the job. That they are all things that I would expect him to do for ME, as his GIRLFRIEND, and not for his ex-wife. That he's still playing the role of the man in her life, to which he said that he wasn't the man in BM's life; he's the man in my life. So I told him that he's not acting like it, and reiterated that fact that she's not a helpless female. She's a grown woman, perfectly capable of doing these things herself. It's just easier for her to ask SO instead. But apparently SO wants to keep doing all these things for her 'until she finds somebody else'. Well, I told him that I knew he wasn't going to change his behaviour and that I won't say any more on the subject because I'd just be repeating myself, but that he should know that I'm not happy about it. So he said okay, and that was that. He went to work and I went back into the garden to take my anger out on the roses.

To be fair, I wasn't expecting him to suddenly turn around and promise me that he would stop doing anything for BM that wasn't strictly related to the skids. I've known him for long enough now to know that he's not the type to change his mind like that. But I'm still holding out hope that he might start to make some changes to the way he interacts with BM. Earlier today I got a text message off him, out of the blue, simply saying 'Love you'. That might not sound like much, but to me, it signaled that he's been thinking about what I said to him this morning and is probably feeling slightly guilty. At the very least he listened to what I had to say and didn't flat out reject it, so fingers crossed. In the worst case scenario nothing changes and I'm going to have to live with him doing the chores that BM can't be bothered to do herself. I guess that at least he's not asking me to do them with him...