Things have changed...for now
So I haven't been here in a while. I Actually realized for me some of this site was fueling my anger and bitterness. However I did get some very helpful info from some awesome lady here who made THE difference in where I (we) are today and I still don't know exactly who you are but to this day I want to say thank you and as I said then I would still send you flowers! To this day we get my SD even more than we did before and BM is still not perfect but your other advice along with others on this site have made it so communication is sooo much better and this summer has gone so smoothly! I still don't like BM cuz...well shes BM and will always talk me down to SD and will never really be ok with me, plus apparently HER family is more relevant than ours (she has asked for changes about 5 times this summer including assuming our yr for SDs b-day is hers but she did give us a week extra and next yrs b-day in exchange for the misunderstanding..she already had big plans,,,we agreed to her deal) she still tries to pull things...(she has asked for all changes for the summer and even labor day already..not to mention trying to get Father's day this yr for the 3rd yr in a row to which she was casually told no...again (3 yrs...you think she would get the point..no your husband can not have fathers day when she has a perfectly wonderful father here who deserves his day..and we have never, would never ask you for Mother's day for me).....We finally said no today for the first time this summer to her asking for a change and I am waiting for her to drop some kind of bomb....like I take back that week I gave you for her b-day or something. Anything outside the court order she can change or take back and we have been sooooo accommodating, not for BM, but for SD. BM always tries to make us feel guilty when she wants us to give her something..like SD will miss out on something but never considers we might have plans....How do we keep the good communication we have had going through the summer when finally saying "No, we have plans that weekend already". We already said that in the absolute nicest way possible and no response yet....which means when she finally does respond tomorrow it isn't going to be pleasant because for the first time this summer it doesn't work for us and she didn't get her way. Even though we really did work with her and give up important things just so DH could show her it truly isn't about all of us, its about SD...But you give BM an inch she goes for 20 miles......Ahhhhh I feel better....Been a while like I said since I have been on here and I miss it! I miss all of you!!! I did need my break but Im so glad to be back! I grew so much as a person, a parent, and a step mom last time I was here...hoping for more of that! Hit me with your wisdom ladies (moms) (or men-dads) !!!!!!!
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I will admit it was me who
I will admit it was me who first said maybe if we try and work with her she will be nicer. I honestly just got sooo sick of the negativity and such. And we did gain (so far as we know right now) an extra week this summer which we are really happy about but I swear as soon as he agreed to 1 change in BMs favor all she does is ask for more. Its crazy. Not 1 week goes by without her asking for a change. we do 2 1/2 weeks-us, 2 weeks her, 2 1/2 weeks-us, 2 weeks her, etc...during the summer and the last week before school starts is always hers cuz the normal school schedule comes into effect by then(this year she says we can have that week for the b-day misunderstanding). I said to DH again today "I don't understand why she cant plan things during her time and stop planning during yours and trying to guilt you into giving up what you already have planned or may want to plan." He agrees and we finally said no this time. We really are just trying to work with BM for DS so she gets to do as much as she can with both families but I feel like we cant really plan anything. BM seems to think her plans no matter how small are soooo much more important than what might be going on here. Our son used to go back and forth too until DH adopted him and we used to plan all their b-day parties/holidays when they were both here. She still wont do that. She wants us to move around our weekend for her stepdaughter. We said we will work something out since our son and her stepdaughter have b-days on the same weekend.....we haven't made any official plans but we make sure we plan everything important during our time with her, even if that means the children we have together have their stuff on a diff weekend so SD can be there. Why the hell cant she just do that? Trying like hell to keep the peace but starting to get really irritated with BM taking advantage (or trying to) once again after finally getting things calm between everyone again.
At least one good thing is
At least one good thing is everything goes through texting and she is court happy. She deff cant say we are not willing to compromise. She used to try that so I finally got DH to realize he needed proof of everything so anything important goes through texting. She has tried about everything at this point and hasn't gained anything. If she doesn't follow through with her promises we don't have to with ours. That seems to help....
She will continue to ask. She
She will continue to ask.
She will continue to ask no matter how many time DH says no n explains we have plan or even we will take the kids out of town on that weekend...She will even ask ask SD and show up at the place...that what happened to us. At first she wants to change date, then why don't we celebrate together, then I didn't agree to that, then i have no one to be with, then call SD on the day they're not with her saying she would kill herself because we're taking them away from her..etc...that woman is seriously a piece of work. She also turn of her phone so the kids couldn't reach her so my DH had to drive them back at 2 in the morning because they were afraid she kill herself. And now the SD is acting the same way.
Don't get too emotional involve because it will never end. Especially if you deal with someone like the one i've been dealing with...not worth the headache at all...no matter what you do you won't have any peace from them...Just take care of yourself and your family...and they are definitely not your family no matter how much you want them to be because sks will always have resentment toward you no matter what.
Best of luck
A.
I completely hear a lot of
I completely hear a lot of what you all are saying and will keep it in mind ( some of it is so spot on!) However this is the first time in a long time we have been this willing to switch things and knock on wood I do think we will be getting our extra week...We have something she wants us to work with her on every year that falls on her time...sounds stupid but its a bargaining tool...no we shouldn't have those in these situations but we know she uses DHs guilt (which has run out) and my practicality to get her way. She Kept pushing the Labor Day weekend thing and we said NO we have plans that weekend...she said I know not meaning to push but you just don't know how much this would mean to her...we said No as you have seen we are willing to work with you but we plan most our summer plans around her schedule and this is important to her a well...NO...she replied OK...I was like WHATTTTT!!!! Did hell just freeze over?!? Nothing since. Maybe we are doing ok after all.....for now. She has been a royal see you next Tuesday in the past and I expect that to come back fully here any day now but for now we will take it and if she doesnt hold up her end we don't have to either and its all on texts so proof is there. I think the "we are willing to work with you as you have seen but we do plan most our summer around DS's schedule" finally made a point....for now...its always for now with her and I know that...we know that...