Bio mom asking advice....
Okay, I am SM and BM and I am having an issue with my son's SM....
I just started working a normal workday schedule again (I have been working in Real Estate since June and therefore creating my own schedule)I work now from 8:30-5pm
Well, when during the time that I was working under my own scheduling terms, my son's father (whom has legal custody of my son and we share physical custody)... anyway he decided to pull our son out of daycare because why incurr the cost if we don't need to right? I don't live near my son's school, but I was able to drive him to and from school on my days, and he rides the bus back and forth on his dads days... so everything was fine.... but now that I am working a normal schedule again we have run into a problem.... my son starts school at 9:05am.... and I start work at 8:30 about 45min away and cannot drop my son off at 9:05.... sooooo my suggestion was that I could drop my son off at his bus stop (his step mom does not want me anywhere near her home)and he could walk to his dad's house where he would hang out (watch cartoons) for 1/2 hour and then take the bus to school. Well NOOOOO that won't work because my son's stepmom says she is worried that I will try to break into their house or something... come on!
So, another option would be enrolling my son into daycare in the mornings which would cost $265.00 per month and we both pay one half.... we no, he does not want to incurr the cost.... He has asked me to cut my time with my son.... he has asked me to come to work late.... he is making it sound like I am totally putting he and his wife out but I don't see it that way.... Am I wrong? If we can't come to an agreement then I plan on enrolling my son into daycare and taking him to court in order to make him pay half (he is obligated to) because I know he will not willingly pay.
Does it seem silly to anyone else that my son's SM won't allow me to drop him off (several blocks away from her house)and for him to ride the bus to school?
Oh and one more thing... my son's dad did agree that I will pick my son up at his bus stop in the evenings.
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I don't know your whole story
I don't know your whole story, but I will say that if it is already agreed that you can pick your son up at his bus stop in the evenings, then why the heck is SM raising a stink about you dropping him off there in the mornings? It sounds to me like she is being more than just silly - she's being ridiculous, irrational and unreasonable.
Maybe SM has reasons that
Maybe SM has reasons that are unknown.....especially if she is the one who is going to be responsible for your son in the morning. Have you tried to ask her directly or ask her if she has any other ideas that might work for all of you?
You might be amazed at what her thoughts are...If she cares about your ex and son then it seems logical to me that she would be willing to work something out for the benefit of the sons education and her and the fathers finances.
Prsent it to her that you are trying to save them money as well as do what your son needs and that you are willing to work it out to the convenience of her as well as you and your ex.
Good Luck....hopefully she is a decent, civil, caring, and understanding SM ....we are out there---lol
Lisa Dawn
hmmm...maybe sm doesn't line
hmmm...maybe sm doesn't line ss. why argue/make it difficult for you to drop him off near her house? ex husband is stupid to let his wife make a decision on this especially regarding a child. sorry for saying stupid but that's just my opinion, this is his son too. do what you have to do and take him to court & let the judge know how unfair they are to you and that they don't compromise. and let them pay for the legal fees. that is so ridiculous. are you taking your son everyday to school? if you are why not your exhusband?
-happy mom
I've been there
as the SM but from the sounds of your situation you're in a different league from my BM. My SS used to get dropped off at our house regularly and rode the bus to school so mom could go to work. My SD rode the bus home from school to our house, came in for half an hour and waited for BM to come pick her up - I have to tell you honestly (don't hate me ladies) I found it just awful. I worked from home and so it was expected that I have no problem with this. My thing was that we had 50/50 custody and so when it was BM's days I wanted time to myself. My skids are a handful and both of them would turn up with attitude, either half dressed or would come in and think nothing of messing up the kitchen and ignoring me whilst waiting for BM. I finally had enough - I told my husband it had to stop because I came to realize BM did not need to be at work at a certain time - she has flexible hours - she chose to be - she chose when to drop her kids off, when not too - i had no say and it was my house. I finally had to put an end to it - i was going to lose my sanity. I couldn't do anything or plan anything without the constant interruptions. I went on holiday and my DH insisted we leave our SD access to our house for this reason. I learned from my neighbor that BM went into my house and didn't come out for a long period of time. I think boundaries need to be drawn and SM's need their space too. I understand your viewpoint but if I were the SM I'd rather pay the daycare expense - I value MY alone time too much - I suppose each situation is different. I put in 110% when my skids are here on our days but I need the break when it's BM's days. As far as the bus-stop issue, I don't like it but I can live with BM picking up and dropping off at our bus stop which is right at the end of our street. I wish you well.
As much as
I don't like the idea of my skids' bm even stepping foot in my house it is only hurting the kids if I don't, so she comes in when needed.
I don't know the whole story but I don't see any harm in you dropping your son off at their house if they refuse to help pay for daycare. You agreed to help your ex out financially by being the one to do the morning "daycare duties" while you had a flexible schedule. I'd say that the time is up and he needs to go back to daycare because your schedule no longer permits you to be there. If your ex is so set against you going near that house and he doesn't want you to put your son in daycare, he'd better rearrange his work schedule and do morning daycare duty for a while. Just my opinion...about 2cents worth.
What is the problem?
I can't stand the BM but if she was dropping the SK off blocks from my house and I knew she would be nowhere it, I would say fine. Afterall, if DH has to pay i/2 daycare, that is less money for our household. Plus I can't see throwing a fit and making things hard on the SK just because I don't like the BM. I don't always like my SS's but I don't want them to suffer either.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.
I agree....
Thanks for all of the input... My son's dad told me that SM thinks it is worth spending the money on daycare because she feels like she is "doing me a favor" by allowing me to drop my son off anywhere near their home (even blocks away at the bus stop).... I don't know or really care what that means...
Thanks everyone!
What A B**ch
My God, so she doen't want to do you favors? Fine. Next time she calls or has DH call for something she can't handle tell her you can't help her because you wouldn't want to feel like your doing her a "favor." I am a SM and if the BM was a decent person, I would do all I could to make things easier for everyone involved.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.
I agree again,
I'm a SM and BM too, and I don't act like that.... She has issues... My son's father and I were literally involved when we were kids, I had my son when I was 16-years-old and we were 'involved' for 9 months. They have been together since I was pregnant with my son... they have been together for years (son is now 9)... I am married now, I have another child, two stepkids.... yet somehow she is convinced that my son's father and I are going to get back together.
Is she crazy?? I was a kid back then.... now that I've lived a few more years I wonder what I was thinking in the first place.... the guy is nothing I would EVER be interested in.... I don't even like to talk to him because he is so stupid... literally.... I'm surprized he remembers how to breathe and talk at the same time.
LOL
You know, MOST, and I stress most b/c some men are good, but MOST men do have a problem with multitasking, don't they?
As for geting involved, that is just wishfull thinking on her part. Maybe hoping it will happen so SHE can get your DH back. Damn but some women can be so vicious and childish.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.
I don't get it.
As an SM, I wouldn't have a problem with her pulling right into the driveway and letting them out for me to watch them. I don't want her in my home, but I don't have a problem with her dropping them off at our house. (Not that she ever would.) As a BM, though, I think I would work this out with the dad, because ultimately the kids are his responsibility and not hers. The facts are that someone has to watch them during this time and if you can't drop them off at dad's house for him or SM to watch, then that's fine. That's their prerogative. But you have to take them somewhere, and if that means he has to pay half for a babysitter, then so be it. I would totally by-pass the SM on this one and lay it out to dad that he has two choices: (1) pay half for childcare or (2) allow you to drop them off at his house. I don't think the real problem is her not wanting you near her home, because if you're there to pick him up at the bus stop, then what's then difference between that and dropping him off there? I think the real problem is that she doesn't want to watch him. And that's fine, it's her choice, but if she doesn't want to and Dad can't do it, then you're right, he has to pony up for his half of the childcare expense.
~ Anne ~
We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.
Sounds like ex husbands problem to me...
Dropping the child off at the bus stop is just stupid...What's her problem? By the way, it's a public street and she can't dictate to you that you can't drop your son off in front of his own fathers house! Your nicer then I am. I would drop him off in front of their house anyway. That's just stupid for her to request and their is no legal backing for that either unless you have broken into her house..(LOL..JK!)
There may be a reason that you don't know about and that has nothing to do with you that could explain her refusal to watch step son for even a half hour that have nothing to do with you or your son..Such as, perhaps, your x husband, her current DH "EXPECTS" her to do things for your son and doesn't appreciate what she does or critisizes how she does things.
Their are things that I won't do for my step daughter when her dad is present and is not deployed (ARMY) and she lives with us 24/7/365..My SD mom has had no contact for almost 7 years so it has nothing to do with her. The reason I don't do those things for her anymore is because her dad EXPECTED IT, treated me like HIS parenting job was my obligation and responsibility and didn't appreciate what I did do..So when he isn't deployed he gets to assume HIS responsibilitys and HIS obligations for HIS daughter...(You should have seen him trying to do her hair for school the first few weeks..LOL)
Ummmmm...it sounds to me like the problem is really DH's and His wifes..Not yours..After all HE is the one that is concerned about incurring the extra cost of the day care and he has the uncooperative spouse. Not you..Right?
So it's simple..Dh and HIS wife need to resolve the issue and either she is willing to watch the boy for a half an hour OR they pay extra money for day care or DH limits HIS work schedule to be there to watch his son...Really, it sounds like your ex husband has the problem with his wife..Not you..LOL..
If she agrees to watch your son for the half an hour.. After about two weeks, I personally, would send her some flowers or a basket of bath goodies and a thank you card from me for watching my son during that time. Sometimes step mom's just need to know that they are appreciated for what they do. (As you being a sm already know..LOL)..And the double whammy is that sending her those things "kills her with kindness"..LOL..