Fathers Day angst 2022
Fathers day is imminent and it always seems to be filled with a certain kind of awkwardness. Like a COD (TM Child of Divorce) I have not one but two households to please. My Dad (stepdad of 50 plus years who adopted me at 16 and whose name I still hold) and Husband (together almost 10 years married almost 5).
So, last night when we were discussing his bad reaction to my reaction to SD16 B/M's summer school success, he mentioned that he "didnt want to lose SD16 like he lost sd23".
To which I responded (after much thought and editing) that he needs to not think he will "lost SD16 B/M". He didnt "lose" SD23 Feral Forger. They have a transactional relationship and thats on her. He has left the door open for more of a relationship and its on her that she isnt participating. Shes off on her own living her own separate life, with her friends, which is natural to an extent. To the extent that she has no inclusion of him besides calling or texting when she cannot find someone else to provide what she wants/needs, thats all on her and shes an adult who needs to be held responsible for her behavior.
These bio parents that parent (or refuse to parent) out of fear of "losing" these kids who become emotional terrorists are not doing their children any favors.
On the positive side, I made reserverations for Dads Day, a really nice early dinner at a wonderful restaurant that has beautiful outside seating in a garden patio. Husband is invited as well as SD16. I mentioned SD23, that he can invite her if he wishes and to see if something happens and his reponse was "no Feral Forger, just us". Ok! Previously I would have texted SD23 Feral Forger and invited her myself. Since last year she has burned that bridge and no more Clove Bennies...no more Clove trying to build more bridges and be the person who helps relationships. Disengagement is working for me 
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"These bio parents that
"These bio parents that parent (or refuse to parent) out of fear of "losing" these kids who become emotional terrorists are not doing their children any favors."
Man, ain't that the truth. My SO has dug in hard on the position that she has to keep bankrolling her daughter, or she will lose her, and lose access to her new grand-baby. She most definitely isn't doing this kid any favors by constantly bailing her out. The daughter will never learn to be independent.
I may change my signatue line to that quote.
Ive read your stories!
isnt it CRAZY? "Normal" parents and "normal" intact families dont even need to deal with this. And by normal I mean healthy.
And thse "parents" are perfectly ok with sacrificing themselves emotionally and financially, and then pride themselves on what a great job they did and how awesome they are that they "put their children first in everything".
Yep. My SO is literally
Yep. My SO is literally paying every penny she earns to prop up her daughter, the new baby, and the sperm donor. The alternative is the three of them sleeping in my living room, so I just go along with it. The cost of supporting their household has been going up, since sperm donor no longer pays for anything. They are accustomed to a lifestyle well-beyond their means, so SO has to fork out a lot of money to keep them well-supplied with ciggy's, weed, energy drinks, manicured nails, dye jobs, parts for sperm donor's multiple vehicles, etc. Because, ****gasp**** we can't dare dream of asking them to reign in their spending! They are entitled to that stuff!
At least DH doesn't consider GWR to be "lost"
he fully understands GWR actions/reactions are his and DH is not about to sacrifice himself or his finances for him.
I always just want to say to some these parents...Get down off the cross..we need the wood"
LOL. Ill have to remember that one
Husband doesnt respond well to things like silent treatments and SD 23 Feral Forger is not going to get a begging daddy cakes.
Maybe before...he did bend himself into different pretzel shapes. When she was pescatarian we had to modify our meals to suit her. When she needed to go to DRs her mother took her...all the time.
Thankfully its peaceful and no begging D's
Humor....its the only way I get through this
Humor....othewise I would have noped out on this "experience" a LOOOONGG time ago.
Ya know, I understand the TR (transactional Relationships)
My DH has that and will likely continue it. HE is the biggest enabler of it. We've had talk after talk about it over 7 years now. Funny when he stops enabling it how pushed to the side he is. We are in discard mode right now because WE have some big expenses and DH can't pony up for whatever he needs to in order to be back "in" with them. It'll be interesting to see what Father's Day brings. Since DH hasn't organized anything for his kids year...... it'll likely be nothing. Last year was a fiasco, like most skid get togethers that I no longer plan and execute. In honor of their dad the day became all about OSS...... can't wait to see what happens this year.