Feral Forger Boomeranging Back
Its been about 2 months since Feral Forger Sd23 moved out of Toxic Trolls apartment. Things were peaceful. She moved aproximately 2.5 hours away from us. No drama.
Until Wednesday evening I was casually chatting with SD15almost16. Feral Forger had taken a train into town, paid for by hr boyrfriend and not contacted or mentioned it to Dh. And neither did SD15/116 nor Toxic Troll apparently.
When she had left, as told to me, she called Toxic Troll and wanted to move back in with her because she had lost her job and couldnt pay rent. This is the story:
She was walking somewhere and was "jumped" beaten up and she "lost her phone" and because she couldnt call her job, they fired her. And because she lost hr job, she now cannot pay rent.
- SD15/16 pointed out that it happened before her journey to our town, and there were absolutely no bruises on her anywhere. Neither of us believe any of it.
We are both of us anxious. Because more drama. I know and realize she will always be in my life because she is husbands child, but she should have launched by now. So I just am waiting for the move back and ensuing drama and nastiness. I am disengaged so have not mentioned it to husband. SD sais she is also not mentioning it, it doesnt belong to her, she is out of things.
Sidenote: Toxic Troll is trying to place blame for Feral Forger "being the way she is" on the birth of SD15/16. When she told me this, I just said "oh no - she always had that in her, your parents have 'bio goggles' on and didnt see it, until it was activated and right in front and center and she had a target to shoot at".
SD 15/6 just said "yeah I know, I dont believe that either".
Edited to add: FF STILL has no drivers license. And now shes coming baaaaaaaaaack (cue ominous music)
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Comments
Take deep breaths
When I read the title of your post, I felt anxiety, worried it meant she was moving back with you. I know that wont happen but I had a scare, too.
Take a deep breath. You know but need to really deep down internalize that as DH's child, she will be in your life as long as DH lives. Believe me, I know how hard it is to accept that fact.
Just take every day as it comes. You have your boundaries. You're staying alert. Take extra care of your health, keep up with your running, focus on your and DH's marriage. Keep being a voice of sanity to Munchkin.
Accepting the presence in my life of a disturbed, bipolar step-daughter has been one of the most difficult things I've ever encountered. These people are on a life journey they themselves hate, too, but somehow can't change. Hang in there, it's a day-by-day thing.
Whoof
Expellng
Just breathe and take it day by day. Good advice 
I get it.
I still get triggered when a shoe drops with my DH's people, and it's been over a decade. Not as much as I used to, so that's what I hold on to.
FF is going to do this repeatedly, and you'll get better at handling it, too. I remember telling you a long time ago that FF's mental illness means there will be many chapters in her book of Kray Kray, many manufactored crises.
Two things to be wary of: SD15 trying to buddy up with you in order to triangulate; and your H developing amnesia and trying to let FF back in your bubble. You have to stay firm in your boundaries, and stay neutral. If your H weakens and wants to bring Crazy back into your home, I found asking "What's changed?" shut my DH down.
Whats changed
PERFECT. Yes, her mental illness and just being an entitled jerk that steals has not and will not change.
Husband doesnt know yet, so maybe she will change her mind or things will "suddenly" turn around for her. PT-SD is a real thing, and Sd115/16 has been traumatised as well, I can see it in her face when she talks about hating her sister. As far as triangulation - Im thinking about her and I and her sister? As a sort of replication of what she has with her Bm?
She and I are polite and respectful, definitely havent been buddies since last year. I remember well what your advice (always great) was...protect my heart,
Having just gone through this again.
"Julie" I can tell you've been at this a while. DH is one of the worst offender, at enabling. We had gone 4 years and I thought we (he) had learned from past experience. Nope that amnesia kicked in the first week YSS was back. To YSS credit and my surprise YSS (37) has actually held down a good job and been able to support himself the last two years. This is the one his family all called "a free spirit" which most people call couch surfers, mooches or homeless. YSS didn't activate the old family dynamic though when he returned, DH quickly did.
My SDs don't speak to each
My SDs don't speak to each other and have a lot of drama and animosity. They sure like to talk shit about each other. I don't engage. One time they'll make up and they'll remember my involvement or they'd get into argument and bring it up how I am on this of that side.
So nope I don't engage.
I know it's tempting to buddy buddy up with YSD over hate for FF but it will backfire.
You were engaged in BM bashing sessions with YSD but it got you no browny points in a long run as she threw you under the BM's bus the minute she could and DH kicked you while you were down. Engaging in a drama between family members is never a good idea. They'll choose each other at some point and you'll be run over. Protect yourself
it doesn't mean you can't have conversations with YSD. Of course you can. But aren't there are other topics to discuss?
Oh sure
Many other topics, generally I stay away from deeper topics. BM bashing I never do. FF bashing - well "guilty".
Protecting myself has been the main theme for this year. That and branching out in many areas for growth and just getting out of the major ruts.
Pretty much what Julie said.
6 months ago YSS moved back. Although my skids aren't as toxic as yours there is so much enmeshment and triangulation that goes on. He stayed with us for 4 of those 6 months and it was such a reminder of that, I really thought DH and I had grown and learned so much in the last five years but as soon as it was back to status quo he slipped right back into his family dynamic.
I want to gently remind you because there are some similarities with your much younger skids to always be mindful of the fact no matter what skids say to your face about their siblings and mom, there still is a loyalty there. We experienced a few things once YSS was back from his two year "free spirit" adventures that reminded me that They are all more loyal to each other much more than they ever will be to you. No matter what you provide, no matter how messed up the "family" is. They will always be family and you're just dads wife. (At Least that's my experience)
Loyalty and Information
Im always mindful - I know for a fact that anything and everything I say to SD15/16 is going to be mentioned and told to Toxic Troll, who will take that and twist it into anything bad she can think of.
FF oh FFS!
Tune out, disengage, stay far away from all of it.
FF is a trouble maker, thank your lucky stars she knows she cant live with you.
Blessings Clove. Seems like for you when one episode ends a new one begins. The unfortunate story of step crap life.
Toxic Troll & Feral Forger are super enmeshed
Yep. It would not go well for her, if she tried to move in. Im just worried that in 2 years SD115/16 will be moving out and we will have an empty room suddenly available.