Motorcycle accident and the Girl Who Cried Wolf...
The weekend was starting off nicely, SO and I were on our way to a nice sushi dinner, and it happened so fast, in the blink of an eye, truly. A motorcycle was zipping right past us as we were turning right onto a busy street, and I had a premonition that something bad was about to happen. He flipped and his shoes flew in the air. Luckily he was still breathing as I called 911, and the ambulance was there less than 5 minutes later, along with a few police cars to direct the traffic.
SO and I were full of fish, sitting by the fire pit, enjoying some adult beverages and reviewing the accident. The car the cycle had crashed into had been the one right in front of us, and I had put my hand on SO's arm, telling him to watch out there was a speeding bike.
In the middle of this evening, SO receives a really long text from Winona SD18. She was begging to come to our house, during her time with BM, saying that the boyfriend had been drinking. She then details that he was being very rude, cursing at her, peeing with the bathroom door open, how gross it was. That the 49-yo boyfriend of BM flipped SD18 off, and called her a "c@$t". He was also acting strangely....while drunk. This is not new and different.
She then texts me - an exact copy of what she sent SO. My only response was that "I have absolutely no authority in these issues at all, that I am very sorry she is going through this."
She and I have been cautiously getting along, after everything that has happened. I made the decision to really and truly try, and that if I tried and it did not go well, then at least I can say that I tried, and that I was not always negative and against SD18 for no real reason. And surprisingly, she has been very responsive and pleasant back. She unblocked me from her ipod, so that is a start.
When she texted me about the Boyfriend, Tweedle, I really had mixed feelings. Winona lies constantly about everything, still. HIs name-calling was crossing the line, in my book, however I have said such things (not the c-word, but "lazy, mean, abusive", myself - I have been where Tweedle has been with SD18 wrt the arguing/attitude, however I have simply made an effort to learn and read and change my behavior.
But, having learned the truth of "you cannot care more than the parents", when SD18 told SO what transpired, his response to me was "ok, let them come over if it is really that bad and its not just Winona being all about drama." They never came over, I was then told everything was okay.
I suppose its just another "Girl Crying Wolf", however I am still having mixed feelings. I have always felt that you need to believe people when they feel they are being abused, but the things that I have seen Winona SD18 do to others has made me question this. She is not claiming abuse, more that all these bad things are happening at BM's when they drink. Almost like she is building a case to say "I need to stay with you guys full-time and not pay rent, like dad has required." SO has told her that it will be 50-50 visitation schedule until she can get a job and pay some rent.
She has done this before, and gotten her way, and lived with us full-time, until she needed to color her hair at moms...or she just felt like too much was being asked of her at our place. I called her the "boomerang child".
I am also questioning whether or not what she claims was said was really said. Wouldn't the BM get really mad and say something? According to SO, if things were really as bad as Winona said they were, then BM would have shuttled them over, without hesitation.
The rest of the weekend went without a hitch. SD18 went to prom, and then took off for the spring break with her grandparents. No further drama.
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Comments
I give you a lot of credit
I give you a lot of credit for trying with your SD despite the bullshit she has pulled. I would imagine a lot of skids are boomerang children. Constantly wondering if you are being manipulated has to be exhausting. I guess this is what I have to look forward to with my SD.
Thank you AJanie. I really
Thank you AJanie. I really could not have done it without reading Steptalk. it gave me the clarity and objectivity of being able to watch, observe and then act/not react when the "triggers" happen. They still happen, however I am not reacting in the same angry fashion. I decided that SO needed to SEE me try. Needed to see Winona really at work, and then he can deal with it.
I simply assume that everything she sais is incorrect, wrong, a lie. I always just know what she is about, and AVOID.
CLOVE - these are the
CLOVE - these are the facts....
Winona is disrespectful and abusive to all adults, she does not like structure, routine and rules, SF got fed-up with her and her attitude, and probably told her to grow up and start moving, doing chores, get a job....
now Winona want's to run to Dad's house, cause for 3 months every one will feel sorry for her and pity her, because SF told her she's a c@unt and peed in front of her (all not true, she probably told him he's a c@unt)
Then 3 months down the line, Winona calls BM, cries about what a bitch you are, and you told her she's a useless whore... now she moves back to BM.... and it keeps on going like this... she's getting hat she wants and playing every one.
Some one needs to put their foot down and say enough.... it's time you learn how to function like an adult in a community (each and every house hold is a community) and it's time you learn how to deal with conflict situations.
Nope stand firm Winona will never be moving back with you
YOU know this. I know
YOU know this.
I know this.
We ALL on Steptalk know this.
Even Tweedle SF knows THIS.
However, my new strategy (I always find a way....) is to show SO what the deal is. Let him come up with it on his own, so I am not the bad guy. With Winona and I "playing nice", nothing could possibly be my fault, therefore no arguments or conflict.
SO is insisting that Winona get a job and pay rent, or simply stay with 50/50. She is a visitor.
Currently she is with Grandparents, and hopefully she will move in with them, into their nice big house near the city, because WE are ALL sooooooo BAD! She is always presenting us in the worst light, for whatever her current purpose is at any given time.
Yes, Tweedle SF - he is going through some tough times right now. I have always been sympathetic towards him - SO has loads of sympathy - SO even said the exact same thing you did. That Winona set him off, he is in a small 2-bedroom apartment with 1 living room and no yard, no where to go, and there are 3 females in the house that he is cooking for, cleaning up after, who are all giving him attitude - added to that the guy just lost his job that he loved.
I mentioned to SO a very long time ago, when Winona SD18 was 16 and bouncing back and forth (and lying about the reasons!) that allowing her to do this is not teaching her how to deal with conflict. He agreed. And stopped letting her bounce. Once he stopped allowing it, she quieted down significantly.
I hope the Gran's charge her
I hope the Gran's charge her rent as well..... these kids needs to learn , I feel it's a bit unfair for her parents to dump her on their parents...
The grandparents are BMs
The grandparents are BMs folks. They have always likde Winona, and ignored the youngest for some reason. Winona is slender, and with makeup very pretty, she has a nice singing voice, and can be funny - she's a great suck-up too.
I don't feel bad at all - they are EXTREMELY well-off, and have really not done anything for gkids, except the occasional $25 for bday.
Oh, Winona is good at finding people to "do" for her.