CLove, definitely no more skid-cations AND stop trying to bond with SDMW. Just stop. You can be polite and pleasant but you do not have to bond. 

I'd add just say no to your DH. What an arse.

I feel sad, angry for you.

Your DH did the #1 sin in stepcrappy life. He yelled at you infront of the mini wife. I never picked up on the mini wife with her before this blog. Backstabber a hell yes, but a mini wife? Thats her new persona?. Dang, double dang.

Sorry your anniv trip was ruined. Did I miss something why would backstabber come on an anniv trip?

At least you know now never ever again. Mind you Id want to leave DH at home as well.

Blessings dear lady

Im 76 and as I look back, there are very few people, relations or not, who I"ve enjoyed vacationing with.  It may be because I'm a hard core introvert but the only person I want to vacation with is DH.  We have tried vacationing with various couples, over the years there was only one couple we could tolerate and we enjoyed 3 or 4 with them.  The one time we included kids from both families was a disaster.

I'm leaving the SK issue aside because we all know those are bad, it's common knowledge.  But even when I've vacationed with my own bio kids, I can't say I enjoyed it - the inlaws' short-comings were in my face and watching my bios spend more than they can afford was painful.  One year, my mom and I went to Europe.  By Day 2, I was counting the days and minutes until I could go home.

What I'm trying to say is - Its not just Munchkin, if it were me, it would be anybody.  

what do you get out of your life with DH? 

So...I thought I could skate off and do my own thing and leave them to it. Enjoy the time off, and they could do their thing. Problem happened when DH said "no we stick together"

But, it was okay for him to go fishing on his own, leaving you to entertain SD. He is something else.

Your DH, aside from any other flaws, might be thoughtless and/ or clueless about some things that women crave, like my DH.   Let me share our worst vacation which I can't even blame on the SKs.  In 1976, pre-counseling days, I was exhausted and stressed out with my steplife of 2 bios and 3 SKs dumped on us any minute they weren't in school.  DH was working a high-stress job with long hours.  We planned a trip to New Orleans.  I counted the days til we could have some quality, undisturbed adult time together.  Two days before departure, he announced that he'd invited a co-worker and his GF to accompany us.  The post-counseling me would have handled it differently but I went along with it, so unhappy and depressed.  The upshot was he never did that again but how clueless could he have been?  There was no excuse but I will say he's an extrovert who enjoys being with others while I'm an introvert who finds others draining.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, your DH showed the same thoughtlessness about an anniversary trip as my DH did about my supposedly "healing" trip to New Orleans.  Sometimes they are just clueless and need "education".

He is just such a selfish man. So irritating!  Yeah, so we 'stick together' unless I'm doing my own thing being gone overnight.  WTH? In what world does it make sense?

My few vacations with SD were absolutely a horror show.  First one was when she was around 9 yrs old - a couple of camping ones and then one in FL when she was 14- THAT one was absolutely disgusting, it was sick!  She was at the height of her mini-wife, creepy behavior with DH.  He would try to push back -she came back harder.  

She tried to seduce my son (her 15yr old stepbrother) - we left momentarily, my youngest son (13) called and said she was being super weird.  We come back, I quietly enter the condo, my son is laying on the bed watching his phone, she's humping the end of the bed 'dancing' I flipped my shit.  She would pout, cry and take off because we were all playing soccer on the beach and she felt the ball should go to her at all times.  She accidentally dropped her bikini top 3 times on the boat before I told her to quit the shit and put a shirt on the rest of the time. My DH and I would be in the water swimming together and she would swim over and sprawl her hold body on Dh's back smothering her tits on him.  He would push her off and tell her to go play with kids her age.  

It was only a 2 bedroom condo- so she had bed in the living room- of course she demanded the boys switch with her every other night so we had to set up an air mattress every other night so she could have the queen bed they were sharing in the other room.  She would come to get dressed in OUR bedroom instead of the bathroom - flipping her hair around, walking in w/out permission.

Then, DH and I had an argument while we were at a park with the kids-about SD's behavior -he got defensive of course.  We get back to the condo and were cooling off and resting before heading out for dinner.  DH goes to lay down for a nap.  A few mins later I notice I dont' see SD - I go into the bedroom and she had crawled into bed behind him spooning him (he was asleep by now). I told her to get out, she has the living room couch to lay on, she's 14 and it's not appropriate to spoon her father.  

It was ALL kinds of effed up- we nearly broke up -in fact we took a break after that.  I blasted him in a letter of how disgusting it was and he better get her under control or I was gone.  That was her 'peak' she never behaved that disgustingly again-it started diminishing and by 16 she no longer did weird stuff like that.

As to the incident with my son- I immediately pulled him outside and had him give me a FULL detail of what happened.  He told me she was acting 'slutty' with him (his words) and it was weirding him out.  I said you should have left the room (SD was always very promiscuous, acting older then her age from age 10- I was a hawk when she was over).  I had a 30 min conversation w/him about boundaries, being appropriate, how to stand up for himself, how to call out behavior like this, how it was his step-sister practically, on and on.  I was furious still and told DH everything that happened, "I'll talk to her' never did the whole trip.  

She would do creepy stuff like this before this trip and he would put a stop to it.  Like asking him to unsnap her bra, flipping her hair and looking at him with pouty lips and then to the mirror...how do I look?  Laying on him.  She was like this with every male though, she didn't discriminate.  This started at age 9-10, at it's worse at 14 then slowly stopped.

This trip he just seemed to let her do whatever she wanted, almost as he was embarrassed but didn't want to bother in parenting.  Oh boy do I remember the fights.  We have not vacationed with her since.  

Absolute nightmare.  My SD was one of the worst on this board- luckily she's turned out to be a decent young woman and we get along fine these days (except her getting knocked up so young!).

Your DH is really one of the worst husbands on step talk. If not the worst. It's sad. SDs or BMs aren't an issue. He is. If you really getting out of this marriage nice house, fun outings and him sometimes taking you to expensive dinner, then it's really not enough. But that's a low standard in men. It has no depth or meaning. It's just food and just a house! You don't need men for that! You could have fun outings and travels  and fancy dinners and get yourself a nice house all without a man. This isn't enough for marriage. He really truly is a horrible husbsnd 

It's completely unacceptable for DH to demand everyone follows his lead because he paid. It's rude. Not wgat spouses do. Not appropriate for marriage at all.  I'd never travel with him and would pay for my own trips with my girlfriends  

He doesn't deserve to have you vying for his attention. I say do your own thing until HE chases YOU. Or, if he doesn't, you will have deceloped enough interests so that you no longer care. 

I understand your process, disengagement doesn't come naturally.I know I am one of those people has has to work out something until the end before I am ready to move on.

I am glad to hear this trip was at least helpful in closing one chapter and moving on to another.

My hill to die on would have been being yelled at by my DuH in public.  That would be a one and done for me.

I think #2 only applies to divorced parents, specifically divorced NCP dads. Every time DH and I go away, everyone (BM, DH's family, etc) acts as if he is being the worst dad ever for not taking skids. Some even thought this about our honeymoon, leaving DH to say, "this would be so fun if my kids were here" or "we'll have to take my kids on this trip in a few years" and on and on and on. No, DH, it would not be fun if your kids were here. They would complain and only want to do things like amusement parks, when we went on a European cruise. Also, we paid a lot for that trip, because it was our honeymoon, so no way I'm paying that much for skids to join us on a trip like that. When I was a kid our "family" vacations consisted of a week at the beach where we cooked our own meals for every night but one and got to buy one souvenir. I went on one trip that involved a plane before turning 18. It's okay for skids to not be jetted off to a fancy vacation every year. That is not their right. I want to take my child to visit my family (she hasn't met anyone except for my mom, due to covid), but will need to wait until the summer's over so I have an excuse not to take skids with us. Otherwise, I will be seen as the wicked stepmother for not paying $700 each for plane tickets for skids to join us, plus hundreds on entertaining them, instead of just visiting with family. 

When our child is older, DH and I definitely plan to take trips without her and I will not feel guilty leaving her behind. 

I hope when you have your talk with DH you ask him if his hope one day if for SD to marry a man that talks to her and treats her the way he does you.

Because at the end of the day it's not how he treats SD that will influence her future relationships. It's how he treats you that role models for SD what relationships should be like.