Holiday Help!
I need some help figuring out holidays with my husband and his three adult kids. We haven't been a family long enough to have worked out many traditions and the kids want to do something different each year. I started asking him in August if we could start thinking about plans for the holidays since we are trying to maximize our time with our respective parents and his three step-children (5 different states from Portland to Florida to Massachusetts). He told me that he didn't like to put pressure on his kids to commit to any plans because they're busy with their lives. Finally, about three weeks before Thanksgiving they decided to all stay at home with their spouses/significant others. So, I took that to mean that my husband and I would have a quiet Thanksgiving together. No -- he was going to go to Arizona to spend a week with his son. Did I want to come along? I tried to get a pet-sitter (3 elderly dogs) at the last minute without success. I asked if he would be willing to go see his son between Thanksgiving and New Years so that we could spend the holiday together and continue to build a new tradition. I was accused of trying to keep him from seeing his kids! It felt guilty and hurt by all of this. I'm dreading Christmas plans. The kids will probably go to Cincinnati where their mother lives and they grew up. Mu husband wants to swing by Cincinnati and then spend time with his family in Florida. I want to go see my mother in Massachusetts who I haven't spent a single holiday with since I remarried trying to be supportive of my husband's time with his kids. It's making me crazy being in a family of people who can't make any plans until the last minute. Help!!!
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Comments
You're going to have to make
You're going to have to make your own plans then. Stop waiting on others. It only causes frustration and anger. Tell you husband of your plans and let him know that he is welcome to join you if he wishes.
It sounds as though your
It sounds as though your husband already has made plans for the holidays.Thanksgiving, he knew you can't get last minute care for your dogs, so he made plans that never included you from the beginning.He is already making plans for Xmas and he has already put you on the defensive by talking about his 'kids',like they are still children. It seems from your post that you have put your family to the side to 'bond' with his and yet it seems that your husband is still not compromising in your wish to spend the remaining holidays together and/or with your mother.There are only three weeks left until Xmas so I hope that you are making plans for care for your dogs and perhaps planning to see your mother. Maybe you can spend xmas with your mom and meet him wherever he is for New Years. Either way if you don't take a position that is going to make you happy,you may find yourself feeling guilty,angry and frustrated as time passes.Is not seeing your mother worth continuing to trying to establish a bond with an already established unit,since after 5 years no one (seemingly) has made plans to be with your family,and you have skipped whatever 'traditions' that had been established in your family? You didn't mention what the 'traditions' are that you have established over the previous 5 years,but how has that been working thus far?
The future depends on what we do in the present. - Mahatma Gandhi
Thanks for the comments. I
Thanks for the comments. I made reservations over the Thanksgiving weekend to go spend Christmas with my mother and I invited husband to come along. We'll see what happens. I don't think he has realized yet that his kids are all adults and that there's no reason any longer for him to put his life on hold in order to wait for them to decide what they want to do.