IS IT ME, OR HAS MY HUBBY WENT COMPLETELY CRAZY!
Here is an email that I sent my husband, as I am fed up!
Since you want to ignore my text messages and calls, this was the second best to communicating with you. I would like for you to hear me out regarding a lot of things that you may think are minor, however; I know you're well aware of what you're doing. This hasn't just started, but for the last couple of weekends that SS has been here, you have not spent any time with him. The weekend before last when he was here, you were gone all day Sunday and didn't take him home until 11 pm. This weekend, Saturday you may have spent a couple of hours with him, as you stopped in for a minute around 7 pm, returned at 10:30 pm, so I'll say maybe you spent a good 2-3 hours with him on Saturday. On Sunday, you spent a good hour with him at most, left the house at 11:30 am, stayed gone all day, and called for him at 9 pm to come next door, as you were about to take him home. So I said all of that to say this, if you are not going to be home or spend time with him, or see to him eating or if he's eaten, then why do you bother to get him every other weekend? Today, I sat in my room, and he went in the kitchen/fridge/cabinets literally 20 times. Not sure if you've noticed, but food is expensive and since we have to feed six people every other weekend, you should want to buy extra food when you know it's your weekend, because he can eat, as BS/BD can eat. I didn't cook today and first and foremost, didn't have grocery money and next weekend is Easter, so therefore, everyone was left to find something to eat. BD went to dinner with her friends and BS was at work and didn't get home until 7 pm. When BS came home, I had him to go to Popeye's and get a 5 piece chicken meal ($6.99) and he, BS and I shared the chicken. I just wish you would stop taking advantage of me and thinking I am a live in babysitter. You leave, and don't come back, and intentionally forget that he's here. The least you could do, is call and say, "did the kids eat", "are you cooking", "do you need me to bring something home to eat", or take the kids with you, and allow me some "ME" time, like you allow others. I'm tired, and it's not fair to SS, as his main purpose for being here on the weekends is to spend time with you, not BD, BS or SD, and you always seem to forget or don't care. I just don't get it. It amazes me that you have not a care in the world or can acknowledge what you are doing is completely wrong.
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Comments
Not crazy, just lazy. How
Not crazy, just lazy. How long has this been going on? Have you talked with him about it before? Did the talk make any long term impact on DH's behavior? Based on your answers to these questions, do you think this behavior pattern will ever change? Can you live with that?
I don't think he's being
I don't think he's being lazy, but if you don't want to be bothered with your own son on the weekends, then don't get him, plain and simple. I don't believe that's hard at all. This has been going on for a long while, and I am just fed up! Not only is it not fair to me, but his son. Truly, I really don't care, because I can just up and leave and if his son doesn't eat or if no one is home with him, oh well, that's between hubby and SS, not me, as he is not my responsibility, I just feel that my husband is taking advantage of me, but enough is enough, and I'm not doing it anymore. My son is 17, works and goes to school, and frankly does not want to be bothered with a 13 yr old, and my daughter is about to turn 16, and has no time for him either, as she's at the stage where she's getting out more on the weekends and enjoying her teenage years. At this point hubby on has two choices, not to get him on the weekends or to get him, however; if you get him on the weekends, just no that you're stuck with him all weekend!
well what did DH have to say?
well what did DH have to say? or was he too busy living his own life that he hasnt answered?
I feel your pain sent DH a very pointed email too....got an answer of "I will talk to you when I get home about this...I will give you as much time as you need ......"
WELL that "talk" has NEVER happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hubby didn't say much of
Hubby didn't say much of nothing. I truly believe he's in denial. For the life of me, I don't understand his thinking. I am just tired. I am not a babysitter. I live for my weekends just as he does, and it's not fair that you run the streets, while your poor son is at home. Then I think I really pissed him off, as I told him that he and his BM needs to invest in a laptop for my SS, because when SS comes over to our house he needs a laptop, as my children are tired of sharing theirs. I really think my husband is clueless, but clueless will end him in divorce court.
WOW. That would not fly in
WOW. That would not fly in my house. Just curious...do you work? How old is SS? What did your H say about the email?
Yes, I work outside of the
Yes, I work outside of the home FT. SS is 13. He didn't say much of anything, as yesterday he tried to pull the same BS, and I sent him a text stating that first and foremost, the CO specifically states that SS is to be with his BM on Mother's Day, and I told him that I was leaving the house, and my son was at work, and my daughter wasn't there, so I left SS in the house alone, as he is not my priority. Maybe that was a wake up call, however; I doubt it!
I also wonder...what on earth
I also wonder...what on earth is your H doing out so much?
That was my question while I
That was my question while I was reading the original post as well. With her husband preferring to spend so much time away, her marriage my have bigger issues than babysitting.
May very well be, however;
May very well be, however; that still is no excuse for him to leave his son with me, when it's his weekend. At this point, he can pack up his belongings and leave!
When dh and I first were
When dh and I first were married I was the one who spent more time with ss. Dh pulled the same stuff as your dh. I tried talking to him about it but it didn't help. At the time ss was 7-8ish so I couldn't just leave him. Ss stopped visiting and started coming again last year (age 12). Instead of playing dh's games I just stopped doing everything dh expected. Plus ss is old enough for me to just leave at home. Dh still gg's frustrated when I don't take responsibility for ss but oh well. He's starting to 'get it'. And yes, I have forced him to spend time wih ss by me and our bios just leaving at times. Keep doing your own thing and let dh take responsibility. Next time ss is expected to go over- make plans. If dh asks why ss was home alone all day, respond that you were under the impression that he was going to take responsibility of his kid after the conversation (email) you had about the subject. Btw, what is your dh doing when he's gone? Can ss not go with him?
DH is hanging out with his
DH is hanging out with his friends, or whatever; but at this point in our marriage, I really don't care what he's doing; but the real issue here is him leaving his son for me to babysit him. I don't mind, but this is becoming a pattern, and my own kids are barely at home on the weekends! Like I've told him before, your son doesn't come to visit my children, he comes to visit you, and if you are not going to be home or want to be bothered, then you need not get him on the weekends.
Druzzila, I'm tired of trying
Druzzila, I'm tired of trying to figure him out, and quite frankly don't care anymore. I've washed my hands completely. I have my weekends completely booked for the next couple of months, so what he does with his son, is his business; not mine. I won't be at fault, he will. Eventually, he will. Not sure if he gets high or not, as he doesn't smoke anything around me; and if it's another women, he needs to pack his belongings in move in with her. My mother always told me, a woman should never leave her house, and why should I, hell, he's paying the mortgage!
I don't know about your
I don't know about your relationship with your SS.... but from a purely "uninformed" point of view, I kinda feel sorry for SS, as he comes over every other weekend to be with his dad but his dad is never there.
My thoughts exactly!
My thoughts exactly!
I had that problem years
I had that problem years ago...I solved it by getting a wall calendar, putting it where everyone could see it, marked eow w/an ex (ie when he had his som) and began living my own life. Ahead of time O always marked "sat (same day he had his kid) getting my hair cut, another Friday or Sunday, going to "Y's" house", etc...he could do the same, however, he would never mark anything on his weekend w/skid as he knew how bad it looked on paper to have his kid & have plans. Guess what? He stopped doing things on those weekends he had skid. In addition, if he dared say to me once "but I can't do anything the weekends I have skid because you are always busy...so I said, "well, am I the mom now?" after about a month if he had to do something like get OUR car fixed, then I would tell him I could keep skid for a few hours...but only every once in a while & ONLY if he had something to do for our family, not just going out. When he began to see "party @ our friend's house, BS going to grandmas", he began to in advance tell skid's BM that he could not pick her up...not MY decision, but his. This was not because I didn't want him to see skid, because I pushed for him to be dependable w/visitation...but it was not my duty to sit at home w/his kid while he played around.
I truly believe this was a wake up call when he saw it on paper...give it a try...
Good luck!
Will do. Thanks for the nice
Will do. Thanks for the nice tips!
You dont have to
You dont have to babysit...the kid is 13 not 3. Leave him alone for a cpl of weekends in a row. I bet you he goes to BM and complains to her with the quickness. Next step she will be calling your DH and complaining. If he wont listen to you maybe a good earful from BM will do the trick. Heck if you can manage it call BM yourself and tell her your frustration. Maybe the two of you together can gang up on DH. If he wont listen to either of you a suggestion to BM for a modification in custody/parenting time may get his attention!
In the state of IL, your
In the state of IL, your child must be the age of 14 to stay home alone, therefore; if DH is ever reported; he'll be in big trouble, not me; hell, My name isn't any where on that custody agreement. As far as his BM, I'll let him deal with her and the situation, as it's not my problem anymore!
^^^yes yes yes ^^^
^^^yes yes yes ^^^
This is a man who needs to be
This is a man who needs to be handed his child and left alone the whole weekend. You shouldn't be anywhere near them. Take your kids and be gone. Make sure you have plans where you will not be home early in the morning. So that if H leaves he leaves his kid alone then. His problem. When my SO left me with his daughter without telling me (and I realized he wasn't coming "right back") I got dressed and left. Shortly after I left he texted to ask me to take her to lunch because he finally decided to tell me he was going to be out for the day. I said no, sorry not home.
He had to deal with it, by going home and feeding his child by himself.
Stop enabling. You have the control here. Good luck!