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Am i being unreasonable? - Doppler

cornishmaid's picture

Submitted by cornishmaid on Fri, 07/04/2014 - 11:08am

Right so after a heated discussion this week about the baby and how my OH should spend less time worrying about SD and start becoming more involved with the new baby i thought it would be a great idea to buy a fetal Doppler so my oh could listen to little ones heartbeat. After all my OH has told me on several occasions that he wasn't involved in the BM pregnancy, was trapped into it by her, and he completely disengaged and had no interest other than the welfare of his soon to be daughter, he had moved BM in only after 3 months of being together and knew that the relationship was going to fail. Imagine my surprise when i gifted the Doppler to him and was told 'you should have said, I've got one in the house from when BM was pregnant with SD'. Now, that's great and in the past, blah blah, but excuse me - this has made me really mad, the thought of them cosying up listening to their baby when he can hardly raise any interest in ours makes me so bloody angry. I've been so patient and understanding with his daughter and moving in etc, etc. I think I've seriously messed up here and the penny has started to drop when its too late.

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Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Fri, 07/04/2014 - 6:26pm

Over my 12 years with DH I have to come to question a LOT of what he told me about his marriage to BM. It seems like some men have a convenient habit of reimagining the past to fit their current view, or to absolve themselves of responsibility. The ones who are willing and able to really assess their own role in what happened seem to be few and far between, at least on this site, so of course they move on to a fresh new relationship having learnt nothing and make all the same mistakes, still blaming their partner instead of themself. Their new partner, full of love and optimism and loyalty gradually comes to see that their man was not quite the put upon Saint he painted himself as. Nobody really knows what went on between a couple except the couple themselves and there are 2 sides to every story.

It could well be that BM had exactly the same issue with your OH and tried to get him engaged by buying a Doppler. It's fairly common for men to feel less engaged by the pregnancy, after all they are not actually experiencing it and having that direct sense of the baby until it emerges And unfortunately men who have had children before inevitably struggle to bring the 'first time' rapture to a pregnancy with a subsequent partner, no matter how much they may love their new partner. Jealousy over the fact that someone else had those firsts with him is inevitable, but you have to try to keep a grip on it, she is no longer with him, you are, and once baby arrives you will forge your own way of doing things.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Fri, 07/04/2014 - 9:11pm

Ok, going to look at a different aspect of this.

Call me crazy but my first thought was eeeeuuuuuuwwww like you'd want something that had been rubbed allover BM's belly touching you! :sick:

(then I thought about how both babies got where they are so I suppose my point is moot really.... Dirol )