SS6 Upcoming Birthday
SSstb7 birthday is in a few weeks. Every year I have planned and done all the work for all birthday parties. I have been with DH going on 5 years and this year I do not plan on doing anything for SS birthday. The year before last we had his party at a gymnastics place that cost well over $100 just for the facility rental. The year before that was the local YMCA with a pool. Each and every year he just whines and complains. So last year we just had it at home. I was not paying that much money for an unappreciative little snot. That was still a lot of work for me, but saved money. And of course it was still SS whining and complaining through most of the party.
This year I’ve told DH I’m not doing anything. That he needs to decide what he wants to do, but if it’s at the house that he is to clean it like I would for company and get everything ready. Or if he wants to have it at a rental facility he needs to do it.
My issue is that I’m a planner and it bugs me that I know DH will not do much of anything and if nothing gets done the blame will be put on me. MIL and I are not getting along, which in turn has turned her family against me because, of course, she’s bad mouthing me to them. I’m the horrible SM that doesn’t love precious SS like my own. Also, my guess is if DH does do anything it will be to get his mommy to do it for him because horrible SM isn’t doing it, ugh.
My question, how do I stand my ground and not do it, knowing it’s going to fuel the fire against me with his family? How do I not care? I have such issues with not being able to not care. I so wish I was better at it!
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Comments
Except for perhaps cake with
Except for perhaps cake with close relatives, I wouldn't do any birthday party for even my own child if child did nothing but whine and complain.
In your instance, the kid isn't your child and whether or not he gets a party or not isn't your problem. He has a father to do it or not. Do not let DH or MIL guilt you.
But you do need to tell DH you are not planning, arranging or hosting this year giving him notice it's on Dad.
Your husband my decide no party at all, but instead to do a father/son event activity day which can always be fun and 'special' for a child. Whatever husband does end up doing (or making MIL do), ssshhhhh as to how much effort it gets or doesn't get. Not your kid. Not your problem.
Exactly. In my opinion he
Exactly. In my opinion he doesn't deserve a party or presents for that matter, but I'm not that evil.
My BD's and SS used to always pick each other out presents for Christmas and birthdays, also not doing that this year for SS. More than once he was rude about them and last year, and the final straw, he opened the present from my DD8 (then 7) and snottily said, "I've got enough of these, I don't want it" and tossed it to the side. It was a tractor toy that he is always asking for more of, it wasn't exactly like any he had, just another tractor. Right then I said no more presents from my bios to him.
Yes, I've told DH I'm not doing it, but I'm afraid nothing will be done and I'm the one that looks bad since I've done it all previous years. I need to let that go though. I may suggest a "him and SS" day. I'd like that MUCH better!!
I can't say I'm really burnt
I can't say I'm really burnt out from party planning because I actually enjoy it, WHEN it's appreciated and not for someone that acts like SS does. I have no issues planning my bio's or even a couple for him over the years.
I will definitely have to tell DH not to blame me, otherwise I'll be even more upset.
Yes, screw them all! lol. I know I need to not care, and I'm working on it, but I've always had issues in that regard.
Well, if you're already the
Well, if you're already the horrible SM (in their eyes), don't worry about the party or anything else that you decide not to do for your SS, he has two parents.
You know what the deal is and you know who should be doing for his own kid. If nobody else gets that, tough. If they are so concerned about it, they can throw the party.
I just really have never concerned myself with what others think I should do for my SD. And that includes my own family. They have no idea what goes on in my household or how much I have done, so... they can suck it.
If anyone says anything say
If anyone says anything say "Oh I am sorry, I thought his PARENTS should have been planning his party, I am evil if I do and evil if I don't so why even bother".
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your comments! They will help me when it comes time to deal with it all.
The fact that parents feel
The fact that parents feel pressured to throw elaborate parties every year for a kids birthday is insane.
I can understand throwing a nice party for the "milestone" years. But the rest of the years should be
a quiet family gathering with cake/ ice cream and family members.
I would always make a big deal out of the 1st, 10th, 13th 16th and 18th birthdays.
The rest would be normal family celebrations. Make their favorite meal, have a favorite cake/ ice cream and
close family.
No, they do not treat my BD's
No, they do not treat my BD's the same as SS. I will say that they try to spend the same amount of money on them for birthdays and Christmas, but they do way more for and with SS, and spend way more money on him throughout the year.
Nope stand your ground and do
Nope stand your ground and do nothing..... you are the evil SM, if the family says anything about the fact that you did not plan a party for special SS, smile and say.... when did you last plan a party for the neighbors kids?
yes it's exactly the same... SS is not your responsibility, Dh and BM can sort it out...
How ever I will make it clear, if DH decided to have it at home, BM will not be there and DH will do all the cleaning,