We're closer to the holidays! Every. single. year.

So he's been a bit down over the past week, generally doing well but he's a bit depressed. USUALLY this means there's something going on with BM and/or the SDs. Yet again, bingo!

So last night, after a fun night, we're sitting on the couch just chatting. He lets me know that he's thinking about a trip to the UK because there's a relative there he's close with that is not in good health and there's a risk of not seeing them at all again. He wants to go over a good portion of December, including Xmas. He and I discussed before no overseas trips (for fun) until I can go too - due to my wonderful cat who is on fluids and medication...it's just hard to leave him and he's my resonsibility. A night or two would be ok, but not more than that.

So I tell DH, truthfully, that if he needs to go, then go, that I understand. And it would give me some time too and I'm not a big Xmas person anyway and can spend it at one of my friends. It won't stop my from doing my usual Xmas stuff. All good.

He then says, Yeah, the last time the SDs were here they just ran from the car when I dropped them off, not a word to me anyway, so why bother. I say, Yes, you were hurt by that. (this was 5 years ago, the last time OSD came - YSD has been here every year afterwards but I say nothing). He then says something about my mother and Xmas and that's why I don't like it. I tell him, no, we had good Xmas actually as a family, my mother liked it, but she wasn't overboard and I have good memories of it. So he asks me what about now? I tell him that as an adult I grew out of it, before I met him for sure. And that Xmas with he and the girls is not MY Xmas anyway, that cookie making, on my own, is about it, that I have withdrawn from it otherwise. He asks why. I tell him, "no one here cared about my tradiitions or what I wanted to do, or much less DO things if I was involved." Examples are requested. I give him one or two - then he blows up (Shieldmaiden....hello?).  Starts yelling that Xmas is so ridiculous and stupid and that my ideas are not worth doing, etc., etc. - I ask him to stop yelling at me and point out that is EXACTLY why I withdrew from Xmas because of THAT opinion. He then goes on a rant about how God is out of Xmas now. I'm perplexed. He's not religious. He used to be a teeny bit, when he was with BM but they weren't regular attendees. And he says BM told him once she didn't believe in God and how awful that was. "And DH then that makes me also awful because I think the same thing?" Apparently Yes. So at this point I stop talking because he's just making zero sense.

He rants a while about Xmas, the SDs, America, how he's feeling. Then he says, And you never look at YSD when you say goodbye to her when she leaves. I notice these things, I see a lot. And my step-dad, he may have not treated me well be he acknowledged me at least. I'm not asking you to be fake or sweet or over-the top. And that she may not acknowledge me either, he sees that...

I still say nothing because I know ANYTHING I say to either defend myself, or point out that I DO say goodbye, that they leave when I'm BUSY and often in another room and I always at the least say hello/goodbye even if I don't come to the door and wave her off. And I certainly don't mention that if he's already outside when she departs she NEVER says a word to me. And of course, the lack of my ability to have any input into her upbringing is also not going to be mentioned. Because he refuses to acknowledge anything. I do point out that she doesn't seem to care about anything I do or try to do with/for her - he doesn't say anything about this.

So he goes on and says something about maybe he has some culpability in that problem with the SDs and with me and YSD and he needs to work on that himself. And then he's pretty much done. I basically have listened, nodded and said "um-hm" sometimes. He looks at me and asks, So you are just going to sit there and stare at me?  I say, You haven't asked me any questions and at this point there's nothing I can say to make anything better. What do you want me to do?

Then we go to bed and that's it. We'll see what this morning is like.