LOL. What a night!

DH, SD13 and I went to our friends home for dinner last night (they have two kids, a 14 yo S and a 4 yo S). Friend texts me before we come over about the menu. She loves to cook and added that "it's pretty standard likeable stuff." I let her know SD13 will not eat one thing she's making (she knows about SD13s food issues):
Tomato soup with crab (a little out there for kids but man, it was amazing)
Steak and green beans and BBQ potato chips.

So she offers to make plain pasta for SD13...who eats only that with a little crab, separate (she likes "white" foods...crab = white = edible).

So dinner is ok.
I make NO comments even though DH is trying to get SD13 to have some steak, you've eaten steak before (she tried it once and reminded him of that and said "it's too hard to chew.") Green beans (no way, it's a vegetable). BBQ chips (not plain) no go. Lemon soda (not the brand she likes). I had to walk away from his begging.

ANYWAY...

Friend gets a phone call from POLICE. Apparently her 14 yo was detained by the cops for tagging the local school. After a flurry of discussion with her husband she leaves to go take care of it. We're discussing situation among the three of us, with SD13 sitting in the background. Friend(husband) asks us, "What would you do in this situation?"
Me, "Well, it's pretty serious if it's true. So I'd figure out what's really important to him and take it away for a week - have some rules in place for really bad actions and that he understands consequences."
Friend(husband), nods. Asks DH.
DH: "I'd talk to him."
Friend(husband), "You'd talk to him?"
DH: "Yes. Talk about it."
Friend(husband), "That's it? Just a talk?"
DH: "Yes, it's not that bad after all."
Me: "DH! He's detained by the cops for destruction of property. It may be 'just tagging' but he's damaging someone's property!"
DH: "Not that big of a deal."
Me: "He's damaging someone else's property! How is that not wrong?"
DH: "I just don't see it as a problem, tagging is all over the place."
Me: "It's damaging someone else's property...just because it's there doesn't mean you add to it!"
Friend(husband), "DH, Why do you need your kids' approval?"
DH: "What? That's not it."
DH: "Hey, SD13, I'm a pretty good dad, right...? Pretty laid back..."
Friend(husband), looking ASTOUNDED, "OMG, you just...? What...?"
I look at him and shrug.

So Friend comes back with son...who is looking very chagrined.
Phone has already been taken from him (yay!) and he's in deep doo-doo.
Apparently they were on top of a glass atrium, his friends was actively tagging and he was "hanging out" - none of us (but for DH) believed this. They have been trespassed from the property. DH thought it was all silly...I said, one more time, "It's damaging someone else's property!"

Good lord do I have some trying times ahead. I have to really, really up my disengagement game. So now I understand that he doesn't care about his SDs damaging things and explains why he never gets mad that things get broken or lost - I'm going hard core on NOT repairing/replacing things. And those locks on my cabinets will stay on.

My Friend thought I was exaggerating some things last night, until they saw it in action. I told her at one point, "No, I cannot just 'do that' - I'm SM. I have different rules to follow...I'll tell you about it another time..."