Disengaged Thursday Evening
Ok, I am back on track.
1) SD9 left her shoes right in front of the front door AGAIN. I simply threw them down the stairs.
2) Had to get something from SD9s room, where I saw two full cups of old, gross lemonade on her desk. I left them. I did check SD11 room too (no food is allowed) and found a chocolate wrapper on the floor and a 1/2 full bag of cheese doodles on the floor. I left them too.
3) When DP and SDs got home I nicely reminded DP that there is no food allowed in SDs rooms due to past history of finding moldy food items. DP first says, "But this is the first time, right?" Me, "No, it happened in other house too. Remember the moldy things?" DP, "Oh, ok. Does SD11 know?" Me, "Of course she does. She was told multiple times by BOTH of us and especially after finding the moldy items. It was clear that there is to be NO food in their rooms." DP, "How did you find it?" Here I know he thinks I am intruding by going into their rooms w/out permission...so here is where I gave up..."Ok, DP. Then I'll just leave all food items there to rot from here on out. You can deal with the problems." Aaaaaaaand, I'm done officially.
4) I didn't touch anything left out by DP from the morning or when he got home. He half-way put away things in the kitchen then left a bunch of shit on the counter. Walked away.
5) Later, I hear DP talking with SD9 about food items in her room. HE brought her stuff up, but apparently didn't talk with SD11. EXCEPT he did bring her the recycle bin and told her to sort out her overflowing trash (which I did not mention) and bring the recycle bin back upstairs. 9:30 pm, no recycle bin still and I need it. I mentioned, "Where is the recycle bin, did SD11 bring it back up?" DP, "Um, no. She can do it in the morning." WTF? OK then. I leave it there and pile MY crap on the counter now since the house bin is apparently not able to be used. Any bets on SD11 taking care of it in the morning?
6) We opened a bunch of windows since it was really warm. I said, it's helpful to open the slider in our bedroom too, gets to air flow going. He turns to SD9 and says, "SD9, go open our slider." Me (thinking WTF, NO SDs IN OUR BEDROOM DP, REMEMBER?!), "DP, NO, I will do it thank you." DP, incredulous, "You don't want SD9 to do it?" Me, "No."
Good god.
7) The SDs toilet is flushing normally again. DP was all confused on why in the world it wasn't flushing correctly. I told him a couple weeks ago that SD9 was using no TP when peeing and way, way too much with poo. She had blocked up the toilet in the old house shortly before we moved out. He ended up talking with SD9 about it so maybe, maybe this can be resolved. We'll see.
I predict by the end of the weekend (just me and DP thank god but I'm going to be busy finishing painting our room) that the house will be a disaster with just DP involved...I love him to death but jeez, if you stand up to go to the kitchen take a dirty cup with you darling!
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NO SKIDS IN THE BEDROOM! I
NO SKIDS IN THE BEDROOM! I would be furious! I hate the food issue. All. The. Freaking. Time. with the food rotting in the bedroom.
bravo, cover. good for you
bravo, cover. good for you for getting back on track. this is EXACTLY how i've handled disengagement before. just sit back and survey the disaster with a grin. no one sees how much you really do until you start doing it!!!
Joke -
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked:
“What happened here today?’”
She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”
“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.
She answered, ‘”Well, today I didn’t do it.”
oops - typo... "no one sees
oops - typo...
"no one sees how much you really do until you *quit* doing it"
oh yeah, I got it. DP gets so
oh yeah, I got it.
DP gets so "overwhelmed" with things and then short circuits into doing nothing.
I'm going to guess that I'll be working around some piles.
It's even harder at the moment since we are still moving in and not a lot is in it's final place (but for SDs rooms) yet. I've told him that is no excuse though for not using the laundry basket or cleaning up dishes. We do have a sink and a laundry room.
LOL. Funny! "Your DH really
LOL. Funny!
"Your DH really needs to get these kids on track. Half the sliding is his fault..."
Oh, don't I know it! I'm done talking though.
Better! Just a suggestion
Better! Just a suggestion though....(how I would have handled)
1) Scoot her shoes over and tell DH to pick them up.
2). good
3). When DH asked you if it was the first time, you just should have replied "oh gosh no, but hopefully you will make it the last time." You should not have went into the moldy food and stuff...it just made him mad and that's when he turned it around on you being in her room. and on that note...you should have told him that it is your house too and you will go in any room you want whenever you want.
4)good
5)You should have told him you needed it and would he please go get it for you.
6)good
7)I would not have said anything. If he does not know about the issue already, he will look at it like you are picking on his little princess. GAG
EDIT to add...Im so glad my SS went into the military. lol
1) Done that. He steps over
1) Done that. He steps over his own crap all the time so getting an SD to move something requires much talking and usually no action. Done asking/talking/discussing. I went from asking SD nicely, to talking with DP. Done. Shoes go down stairs or off deck, depending on which side I find them.
3) Good one. I'll remember that. Regarding the DP "insinuation" about SD room privacey it wasn't overt, I didn't acknowledge it but continued on - and made no excuse for going in. Period. If he says something in the future this potential "privacy" issue of his will be torn to shreds.
5) Good. Shouldda done that. But then again, he'll be doing that tonight anyway, once he realizes that SD11 didn't (shocker!) bring it up in the morning like he thinks (LOL) she'll do. I already know this one.
7) I didn't actually bring it up, he did (on the verge of calling a plumber so I just went and checked it). I don't mention the TP issue at all any longer unless HE brings it up. It's too crazy. I also phrased it totally matter-of-fact casual.
I can't get over the -
I can't get over the - intruding by going into their room without permission.
Either he is going to be fine with insects in the house or he is going to be fine with paying an exterminator.
oh, we had rats and mice
oh, we had rats and mice issues in the other rental house and did he do anything about it? NO.
So this is why I am all over this in the new house.
I already made him pay for an exterminator in the prior house. I refused to pay a dime.