Well, it's going good overall still.  With some hitches here and there.

SD15 (almost 16) has still been radio silent with DH since we returned from our Europe trip in April.  BM and DH went to a counselor/mediator about the situation over a month ago, had a good session - DH said she called them BOTH out on their parenting issues. He also told me she wondered why I wasn't there.  1) wasn't invited and 2) I am not the parent and have zero parental power in this situation.  DH agreed with me.  So the next step was for BM to get SD15 to a session.  Dragging feet ensues to this day.  BM simply cannot convince her to see a counselor.  Uh-huh.

So anyway, now BM wants to bring SD13 to a session instead, to discuss what high school she's going to choose. This is actually a good idea because SD13 herself has some issues, the least of which is a bad problem of making decisions (like, down to does she want a green shirt or a blue shirt - cannot decide) let alone a huge one like this.  If she goes to HS near BM, then she wil hardly come to us, but for weekends now and then.  If it's us, then that situation is reversed.  We don't live that close to BM, and while the middle school schedule works for her getting to/from places now, it'll change with the HS schedule.  AND we know that OSD is on a campaign to get YSD to BMs.

So BM apporached DH with this, great, go I said. And then he said she wants me there too.  I said ok, but when? I have the following four Saturdays already loaded with stuff *I* need to do.  Well, BM wants an upcoming Saturday.  Nope.  I can get off work early if she wants to do it before the Xmas holiday, but I am not giving up my other plans/appointments that I cannot do during the week.  Note of the three of us, I am the one who is away from the house 12 hrs/day (work + commute).  DH works from home mostly and BM works in the school as a special teacher/mentor.  Both their schedules are flexible.  I am not going to be the one to change mine.

I have yet to hear anything more.  I would agree to go because I do think it will help YSD.  And it would help DH and I.  AND from the interactions/communication DH has had with the counselor, she has my trust so far (she works with families of divorce).

Meanwhile I've decided to start disengaging from DH over house cleaning. He's a very messy person. He's been a LOT better lately, but still, when I come home and step on spilled cereal all over the floor, or the coffee table is covered in dishes or I discover a bunch of my cloth napkins and table settings are just...gone, yes, it bothers me.  I've gone from being really PO'd about it, to nice about it.  DH just hates the fact that I bring it up at all - no matter what if I ask nicely or get mad and tell him to please clean it up now he has a bad reaction.  Every single time.  Last night there was bunch of spilled cereal (again) on the floor of the cupboard, he, I and YSD were all joking around and I inserted something funny about cleaning the floor AGAIN.  It was funny - we all laughed and I finished it up - no issues really.  THEN DH started gaslighting me.  I told him that hey, that's not nice, all you had to say was "thank you" and leave it at that.  Nope - he continued telling me that I was too clean (for leaving food on the floor - no DH, that's not acceptable I told him).  I stopped responding to him after I told him that was enough.  If he had just said thank you it would have been done.

I then cooled off, thought about it, and told him later that I was not mad. And I decided that hey, I think I have to stop cleaning so much.  DH: You are not the only one who cleans!.  Me:  Not saying that but I do the VAST majority of it.  DH:  (no response)  Me:  So I think that I just need to not do as much cleaning - like learn to live with NOT doing so much.  DH: But you'll get mad at that too!  Me:  Well, maybe it's a good exercise for me.  I need to just not do it so much - take a step back. I'm not going to just stop all cleaning just not do so much  DH:  (looking not happy now)  Fine then, ok. 

My take on his reaction was that he likes a cleaned up house.  Sure, we all do. DH has literally piles of things around the house (he's ADD and this contributes to it).  Sometimes I help clean those up.  No more.  I'll help clean up dishes and things, but no more with his stuff overall. And he knows it's going to get messy.  If he cannot manage a simple 'thank you' instead of getting mad at me or mentioning cleaning up after himself (he has said it's to make him feel bad - I say no, it's to get him to understand how much I do) then I'm simply going to let more of it go, to a point.

As I start perimenopause (oh, fun times!) I am gettng mood swings and yes, in the past I have been angry about 'little things' - but when I have 100 little things stack up it's no longer little. And then it's a mood swing, much worse when I am tired.  But I've been working on recognizing when one is coming and I'm managing that better.  DH knows about this too.

Jeez, this got long, but you guys are my feedback!