Vegetarian Update
So let's see....ALL of my predictions were correct, but for one.
DH has not sat down or made sure in any way that YSD has done at least a little research on how to be a healthy teen vegetarian. I asked her point blank one night when I noted she had used NO oil (olive oil or avocado oil) to make something - Hey, YSD, it's super important that you use good oils since you are no longer eating meat. Have you researched or looked into how to eat well so you don't get sick, like teen websites or anything....Answer: Noooooooo. DH is now getting irritated when he talks about something YSD did or didn't do food related or with choices and I just say, I don't know or Have you looked at some menu plans or a cookbook with her? LOL - yeah, not helping you.
She is cooking and helping to cook a bit more, but DH still gets himself in a whirl when he's starting to prep dinner. The other night he and I were getting some things together and all of a sudden he's asking all these questions about quantity and what to ultimately make and how. Um, DH, aren't we doing X and Y? Well, Yes, but what about YSD? Me: What about her? I thought you and I were making dinner for us. If you want to include her then you need to get her up here to make some decisions. Then I said I will handle cooking the fish only. You and she can decide the rest. And I left the kitchen. NOTE: She is almost never up in the kitchen during the usual dinner prep time, DH has to go get her.
He DID make her go to the store with him. She got a bunch of stuff, but hasn't really touched half of it. I am thinking DH made some decisions for her and she doesn't know how to cook them, or doesn't want to. She dislikes pre-prepared food of almost any kind, so that stuff is just sitting there too. I.E. she needs a meal plan and to use a cookbook. She didn't touch any of the snack items.
....and the stuff she is making is really, really awful. Lots of carbs, TONS I mean TONS of garlic. DH made her the other night take out garlic from something she was making (a shared dish) - he said it was horrifying how much she tried to use. She's going to start stinking if she's doing that at BMs. She is over-seasoning in general (i.e. with herbs/spices as well as the garlic) and adding LOADS of salt. I tried one bean (when she wasn't there) of what she had made the other night and nearly spat it out - it was ineditble - and that was one bean, not even a bite. She also cooks things to death - even veggie itemes. I had to literally turn off a pan and move it from the burner she was frying her veggie burgers in (oil!) and told her very firmly that if the oil is smoking it's too hot and will turn rancid and is BAD for you. Stop over-heating your pans...DH has to watch her with this too. Not to mention the fire risk. (She had managed in the past to create a fire in the microwave by cooking something so long it burned). She will eat burned and scorched food over properly cooked food every time.
She's definitely thinner, and very pale. No more color in her cheeks.
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If A Title Could Have Sound....
mine would be an exasperated exhaling deep breath. I'm so sorry...this has to be so difficult to manage in your home. And then having to watch a teen decline in health. <insert exhaling again>
I wish I had some encouraging words, Cover1W. All you can do is stand by and watch. Let your DH handle it. Insert a bit of advice when you can (like not burning the darn veggie burger) and let things play out. Sending you a big hug.
Yes I know. Keeping my mouth
Yes I know. Keeping my mouth shut mostly unless it is a genuine thing and one cannot argue it. Like smoking oil.
I shudder to think of what happens when I'm not there. It's better not to know.
Frustrating
Teenage behavior around food these days is so frustrating. I think you're doing a great job staying disengaged with it. That's is ultimately where we landed with Bratty - DH is stuck making her food if the occasion arises (like at the family reunion over the summer - he grilled some store bought veggie burgers and of course no complaints from Bratty. Had I grilled the same exact thing - there would have been a long list if complaints and an inevitable argument. Not worth it so best we do it this way).
Not your circus, not your unhealthy vegetarian monkey.
She will start smelling like
She will start smelling like garlic if she keeps eating so much of it...people at school will be commenting.
One of my SSs always wants to cook at our house, but a) he doesn't know how to use a gas stove and instead of asking, he just lets the burners click away without lighting; b) he always burns something leaving my house smelling like burnt food; c) he never cleans up after himself. So, I've outlawed skid cooking...
We have gas too. My DH is the
We have gas too. My DH is the one I have to watch really. He's the one who lets it click and click, always has issues lighting the burners....NO clue why. And both he, mostly he, turns a burner on and forgets about it.
Then I find it. Get on his case immediately, because fire hazard, and he's got alllll the excuses. I'm good at that too. DH, the simple fact is just make sure the stove burner is set to off before walking away, it's not hard and I'd rather no have the house burn.
I got on YSD just the other day, she had left a glass lid on the lit burner. DH had 'said something' to her but I said my piece anyway.
She sounds like she has an
She has an eating disorder. The food aversions, going vegan, the spices to over flavor stuff, making it inedible. She's not being health conscious she's a text book case right out of the eating disorder playbook. I hope your DH wakes the f@ck up and realizes she's struggling. But he's so damn wrapped up in his own ADHD he can't parent. It's not your job to fix this, but I'm telling you she has and eating disorder. Maybe your DH will take it seriously when she's in the hospital on a feeding tube. When she starts passing out or complaining of racing heart issues he will need to get her to a doctor.
AGREE
AGREE
About the garlic... I'm
About the garlic... I'm assuming that it's powdered or in granules. Replace it with fresh. She won't want the hassle of peeling it and even if she doesn't mind, she'll have the impression that she's using more than she actually is due to the volume. Besides that, garlic loses most of its force when cooked and becomes quite mild. Problem solved.
Fresh only. She won't even
Fresh only. She won't even use the good jarred stuff we have on hand. Note she burns it every time, it's not cooked right and is bitter.
She used pretty much a whole head of fresh garlic for her dish.
Good job
Good job disengaging! This kid sounds like she has major issues. The burnt garlic smell would run me out of my own house - gack! I have the opposite problem with my SD's. They always refused to eat vegetables, because neither of their parents eat vegetables either. Its carbs, sugar, fat and salt for these kids - only the best for their little darlings!
When I first got together with DH, I tried making dinners for them. Before this, DH drove them around to every fast food restaurant in the city for every meal, and half the time they ate in the car. I made them sit down at the dinner table to a home cooked meal. They hated the vegetables but DH and skids still love sitting around the table and having a meal together. So, at least I had that effect on them. DH also loves to cook now, so he cooks meat and potatoes for them. When we have a nice dinner with guests, I make the salads and vegies, and he makes the meat and potatoes. It worked out ok. I still wish that the skids and DH would eat more fruits and vegies, as they could be healthier..... but.... that is up to them now. I disengaged, too.
I did put my foot down, however, on SD 18 making endless bowls of cookie dough and using up all my baking supplies. Baking supplies are hidden now. Mainly they didn't clean up after themselves and that is why.