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Do any of you ever get tired

Crizzle's picture

Submitted by Crizzle on Mon, 02/15/2010 - 9:17pm

of hearing "you knew he had kids, so you knew what you were getting into"? I am soooo sick of hearing this. No, I did not know what I was getting into. He only had every other weekend visitation when we got married and it wasn't so bad then. It was a lot easier. He didn't get custody of them until we had been married for four years. Now they live with us 24/7. Everyone says "think of how they feel." Blech. Doesn't anyone give a damn about how I feel? Does my sanity not matter because I am an adult? I mean really. This is not what I signed on for and things between my husband and I are getting progressively worse. We nearly split up last weekend. I don't know how much longer I can live in this house with him and them.

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steppinginsf's picture

Submitted by steppinginsf on Mon, 02/15/2010 - 10:14pm

And while you're on the solo weekend, read the book _Stepmonster_ as well as something by Jon Gottman- he is a therapist who has done some really important and useful research around married couples and identifying those factors common among those who stay married. I don't believe in much "self help" stuff but his work is good.
And may consider couples therapy...it has saved my relationship.
OH! and just deep breathes and friends who listen without judgment. Sometimes just stopping, breathing, and reminding yourself you want peace and ease are good (along with the friends and wine!).

BlueberrysBaby's picture

Submitted by BlueberrysBaby on Tue, 02/16/2010 - 11:17am

That's a good line - I'll have to remember that! I HATE being told "you knew he had kids" - I compare it to telling someone who's drowning and has a shark munching on his leg "you knew you'd get wet if you jumped in the ocean."

Blueberry's Baby

fedup315's picture

Submitted by fedup315 on Tue, 02/16/2010 - 6:41am

Completely agree... We never know for sure what we are getting into.. there are far too many variables, exes, the kids themselvess, us, I mean we are always changing, growing and such. Nothing stays the same.. plus when we are courting, things are a bit rosier ( is that a word lol? ) Then you settle into marriage and reality sets in... the day to day stuff, skids getting older, more needy, exes moving on and adding more variables... skids demands for time increase as they get older... more worries come with age and responsibilities and then college prep.. No we didn't KNOW what we were getting ourselves into... no one does.

Livin Large NY's picture

Submitted by Livin Large NY on Wed, 05/12/2010 - 8:34pm

y

LMR120's picture

Submitted by LMR120 on Tue, 02/16/2010 - 12:19pm

I HATE THAT! Like we knew we were walking into a war zone give me a break. Im sorry that I thought ADULTS acted like adults and not big babies. Im sorry that I thought all parents acted like parents and took the role seriously. I mean you are going to have to send them into the big bad world one day who would have thought to prepair them for that. I thought when you got divorced from someone that was it. They were out of your life because after all if you wanted them there wouldnt you have stayed married?!