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Counselling as a standard practice...

Crossroads87's picture

After my experience of being in a relationship with a guy with 2exes and 3 skids.... and how it has ended and how his lack of being able to manage the situation correctly etc has left me feeling with a shattered and broken heart, I was thinking that every family who is divorced, separated or gone separate ways. Married, engaged or living together should be obligated to have some type of therapy/counselling/life coaching... 

I know it would be difficult to keep track of, but I'm not thinking of the details. Just looking at the larger picture.

I feel those who walk out or are left from a relationship with kids should receive help in some form immediately afterwards,  and then maybe a few other counselling sessions every few months for the rest of the year. 

The idea would be to help people heal and move on and at the same time TEACHING people how to manage a "broken" family for the future... and how to deal with your ex spouse/partner etc etc etc and eventually how to incorporate a new partner/companion when they are ready to do so. 

I believe there should be alot more awareness made about blended families and step parenting. Therapy/counselling/life coaching  also for the new person walking into this once they decide to stay. Maybe I live in a dream world but I believe if people were given the right tools to heal beforehand and to manage the possible future situations alot of this heartache, hatred and drama between people could be avoided. Dont get me wrong, the situation will still be a challenge, but maybe, just maybe there could be some understanding, compassion and kindness between exes and step parents and skids etc. 

I am dissapointed with my SO and how things turned out. He does not know how to manage things very well, disney dad tendencies, priorities and the list goes on. 

I have yet to leave the house still... we have basically agreed things are not working... even though I would love to try again as I have most definitely learnt alot and see where and how we can make things better. 

But looks like he is getting a new dream job (not confirmed yet) and running off to another city 5hours away from exes and kids.... I wanted to go with so we could have one last try because yes I do love him wholeheartedly, but why must I be an option to him. I want to be someones priority and feel loved and cared for. 

Wish also maintenance payments functioned differently. I wish it was made by law that the parent who receives maintenance would have to budget and keep tab on all receipts and expenses for kids paid. I know it would be complicated to a point, but it would stop BM's being so greedy with money and demanding for more always. There would need to be an actual justification as to why she would want more maintenance support and if it is genuinely needed, and keeping track of all expenses would make it a little bit more fair for both parents. Anyway... that's just how I am viewing things at this moment. 

Never ever again will I date any man with any kids or exes ever again! Clean cuts. His past must remain is his past... 

Comments

CLove's picture

We can dream, right?

Its good that you are going through this now vs later when you are less "stuck". You will heal, and be ready for your new life. Like the cocoon and butterfly. Vett someone before you give them your heart again and yes, stay as far away as possible from men with children. Dont even befriend them (sneaky backdoor to your heart...)

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Many courts do order parenting classes - which I realize isn't the same as actual therapy. In our area all parents going through a divorce have to attend at least one parenting class. DH said the main message from the class was don't start dating any time soon after the divorce. That was good advice, but he said everything else was pretty useless.

SteppedOut's picture

Who is going to pay for all this therapy? What if an individual can't afford it? Tax payers? Who gets to determine when they have had enough and/or are "ready" for a new relationship? Are they to be "fined" or face some other penalty if they "start dating too soon"?

The answer is not mandating therapy, but each person needs to be responsible for vetting any potential partner. Including emotionally and financially.

Jcksjj's picture

Idk about therapy for everyone, but I totally agree that there needs to be more awareness of blended family realities. Like, it would be great if the research in Stepmonster was common knowledge instead of the myths perpetuated by all the "look what a picture perfect happy family we are and how well we all coparent" posts online.