STILL HERE...
It has been at least a week since my last blog...from feeling angry and hurt and just completely drained emotinally since my break-up. I haven't been able to write until today and now I'm feeling angry and upset again. I've been going through the motions of everyday life just trying to get through each day. Since my last post, I've spoken to my DBF whom I broke up with last week about how I feel and how I've been treated disrepectfully by him over his choices and "lack of boundaries" with his daughter. He is still living here while we try and figure how to proceed financially and otherwise. He wants me to not give up on the relationship completely telling me he wants to "make everyone happy". But he is just not willing to acknowledge what he has done or how it has effected me and continues to not make changes for that to happen.
So just last night, we went over to a neighbor's home to have dinner to say good-bye because they were moving out. They were good neighbors and friends. We didn't tell them what has taken place between. I didn't see any point telling them since we more than likely may never see them again and I did want to see them one last time. Right in the middle of dinner, he starts receiving LOUD text message alerts from his daughter! By the second one, I told him to either excuse himself and call her back and tell her we are in the middle of dinner and that he will call her back or to turn it off. What does he do??? He turns the phone on vibrate with it sitting between his legs on the chair the entire dinner...texting back and forth with her the ENTIRE TIME right in front of everyone! Not one but FIVE TEXTS in a row back and forth. Right in front of 7 others. It was soooo inconsiderate and embarrassing for me to be sitting beside him looking down at his phone texting back and forth like some love-sick teenager. They text each other instead of calling. Like it is some big secret what they are texting. Also, I found out through his texting that he and his 17 yr old daughter will be going today to get matching ear piercings! He had spoken to me about doing this with me in the past and now I find out that he has been talking to his daughter about the same thing and they are going to do it today together! IIIIIICCCCKKKKKKK! I know there is nothing sexual going on between them but it feels like she is his girlfriend. I told him it was completely inappropriate to be treating her more like a girlfriend than a daughter. Of course, he sees NO PROBLEM with his thinking. Telling me it will be a bonding experience and that all I want is to keep him from spending time with her! HE IS COMPLETELY WARPED WITH HIS THINKING! There is no way, I would get back with him as long as he continues to act this way!!! I'm still looking for more work so I can fully financially support myself and my son. It would take a miracle for my D-nowEXBF to wake up and change the way he rationalizes everything. Has anyone ever gone through anything like this and can give me some understanding to what he is thinking?
DA
Comments
BD or Girlfriend...
My DH seems to have the same kind "thinking" as your soon to be ex... I use to worry about the sexual thing too, but I also recognize that I've never been around a teenager that is not only beautiful, but has a figure women pay to have.
For me, my DH seems much more frisky after spending time with his BD and that kind of bothers me. Maybe I'm just paronoid, but I can't help but wonder.
And now that she that has confided in him that she is having sex at 15, I wonder what to expect when she comes back for a visit or if/when she moves in with us.
From the beginning he appeared to be pushing her to grow up too fast. He would offer her alcoholic drinks and, at that time, she didn't want them. But then, later she tried a Black Russian and "really liked it", so now I'm wondering if he'll continue to offer her drinks and she'll be more apt to agree. I can only say that I will feel VERY UNCOMFORTABLE drinking with a minor, whether at home or anywhere. So I won't do it, but it most likely wont stop them.
He also tried to convince me when she was 13/14 years old that she could to go to bars and restaurants that are geared more towards adults. Places where everyone dresses up (and where I live, it means the women dress very provactively) and the men are just players all over the place. I told him that she didn't need to be dragged onto a dance floor with some jerk that was just going to feel her up. That pretty much stopped him, but seriously, it would have happened.
On the flip side of this coin is the fact that I'm glad that his daughter feels comfortable speaking to him about anything. It's definitely not the kind of relationship I had with my father and I'm trying to see the good in it. Just because my relationship with my dad wasn't like DH and his BD, doesn't necessarily mean there's a sexual fantasy underlining his relationship with her.
But if feels like it at times.
DA
I HOPE you told him how rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate he was behaving during dinner. He should have told her after the first text that he was unavailable and that he would call her later. And you're right...their relationship does border on the weird side, and I'm sure others think so too.
Just yesterday, after I
Just yesterday, after I pointed it out to him (HE IS TOTALLY OBLIVOUS!) about how inconsiderate and immature it was to have done that at that table not just in front of me but in front of the others, he said he was sorry and apoligized. What I don't get at all is how he was not aware that it was RUDE! I looked at his phone and this went on for 40 FULL MINUTES!
DA
grrrrr
all I can say is WHERE IS THAT FREAKING FRYING PAN!!
LOL
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
I haven't experienced this...yet?
SD is 11, turning 12 this year. For a while, there was NO CLEAR difference between me and her. It may sound selfish, but....here, let me just give examples.
She never kisses/hugs him bye. I kissed DH and hugged him bye, SD did the same thing, but just on the cheek.
I'll lay on the couch with my feet/legs on DH's thighs (he's sitting down) while we're watching TV. When I'm not there, she tries to do the same thing.
He used to call me a certain nickname....then he started calling her that nickname. Now he doesn't call either of us that nickname after I addressed it.
There's no clear boundary. It's gotten better....but as someone told me before. Having a SD is like him having a mistress. I don't want to believe it, but stories like these and from my past experience, it's hard to not see how true it can be. Sometimes I think a SS would of been easier...who knows.
I told him that. I even
I told him that. I even mentioned how are you going to handle when she gets married?...have a nervous breakdown???!! The relationship he has with his one daughter is as if she's his girl-friend. It was like this when we would go on vacations together for example when whe went to the beach the two of them would stand in the water together and talk for hours just like a COUPLE all the while I'd be sitting all by myself. We don't take her on vacations anymore because of this. Is that just CRAZY?
DA
My husband is the same
He will consult SD about what the family is going to do, then tell me what they decided. He and I went to a movie Saturday night. As SOON as we got out (like got in the car) he called SD. He had seen her Friday night and would see her again Sunday night, but he couldn't go ONE day without talking to her?!
I got pissy and said, when he got off the phone, "If it's OK with you, I'm going to call and see how our two daughters are doing." BDs 4 and 1 were with a babysitter, and he never thought to call and make sure everything was OK. Calling SD was more important to him.
I will never understand his
I will never understand his thinking! It is such a double standard!
DA
GRRRR
I'm pregnant with a little girl....I'm wondering if it's just "having a daughter" in general..put asides the bio or stepdaughter thing, yah know? I wasn't like that with my dad...neither were my friends, but it makes me wonder.
No wonder the whole Green mythology Oedipus complex thing is true...we tend to go for men (the women who posted to this post) that remind us of our dads? I know my DH kind of reminds me of my dad..the carefree nature, but I never acted the way these girls do with their dad now.
Ok, think about this though....asides from the text message, would it be better if they spoke on the phone all the time? I only bring this up because DH resorted to communicating with BM via text message, he didn't want to talk to her. So maybe he keeps his daughter at that arms length with the text messaging? no idea....kids nowadays are always online, so maybe a text is easier than calling? I know it's no excuse, but he should of told her he was having dinner or in the middle of something and he'd get back to her later....it's still rude.
How old
is your husband? Men don't start maturing until 30 you know. If they've been on drugs, that delays the maturation process also. Text messaging during dinner? If he's that clueless about manners, consideration, sensitivity.....he sounds very immature.