Opinions please...
This weekend we will have SD. BM calls DH today at work telling him about a party that SD is invited to that is this weekend. Now this has happened before and DH told BM that if a party comes up on his weekend that we would take SD if SD wanted to go. No big deal right, wrong BM is requesting to take SD to the party this weekend. BM told DH that she will be at the party anyway even if SD does not go. So we will have to deal with BM if we take SD. Also this party is in OUR subdivision four doors down. BM is a Drama Queen and we personally do not want her in our neighborhood stiring up trouble. DH wants to do things as peacefully as possible. Opinons please...
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BM
It would make me angry to know that she was in my neighborhood causing her drama and we know how the neighbors love to talk. It is not necessary for her to be there she is just doing that for a show. I would tell SD we have made other plans. Take her to do something that she enjoys and more than likely the party is 1,000 % more important to her mommie than it is to her. How many parties will she go to this year and will the sun still come up if me misses this one. Give BM a hint that its not going to work so stop the manipulation.
I have a little bit of a
I have a little bit of a different take on this. We've run into this before and I totally understand the frustration and disappointment at not being allowed to independently participate in SD's life. At the same time, DH and I are always happy to accommodate BMs requests to take skids to parties when those requests are important to BM, as long as *every* event isn't important!
My advice is to let her go, but somehow nicely, calmly let her know that you are accommodating her request because, having requested it, you understand that it is important to BM, and that you feel it is in your SD's best interests for the parents to be cooperative over things that are respectively important to each; however, at the same time, communicate that just as this event is important to BM, it is important to DH that in the future he be allowed some opportunities to interact with SD's friends and their families independent of BM, so that he can form his own bonds with them, which is also in SD's best interests.
My advice is to not let this one take up too much of your energy, even though it's disappointing and, without knowing more, it sounds like BM is being a little unreasonable given the timing and location of the party -- she may be suffering from "I'm the mommy and I have to be involved in everything" syndrome, or perhaps she has good friends at the party, or perhaps there's some other reasonable explanation. In any case, you have to pick your battles, and I personally would let this one go after a little co-parenting communication as suggested above. Just my two cents
I agree with you...
I agree with you that this event is important to BM. I also agree that we SHOULD do what is in the best interest of SD. Our problem is that if it were reversed BM would never allow SD to go to a birthday party of one of our friends on her weekend. She does not do what is in the best interest of SD but what is in the best interest of BM. BM has proved this time and time again. We may try this approach just to see where it gets us.
Another thins is that DH and I have been married just under a year. Therefore we have only been living here in the subdivision for that long. We really do not know very many of the neighbors and we do not want them hearing lies about us from BM.
I hear you. You have every
I hear you. You have every right to be frustrated and angry. I have a level of simmering frustration and anger with the ridiculous things BM does. However, over time I have learned to ask myself, do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? Honestly, a lot of times the answer is, I want to be right so that I can be happy. Ha!
But with this stepmom thing, I have learned that with BM, sometimes letting go saves my sanity and marriage, even if it's crystal clear that she's got her head on backwards.
Oh, you may have the "do the right thing" for a good deal of time before she catches on. She may never catch on. But again, standing on your rights doesn't get you very far either except in a heapload of acrimony and anger.
As far as the neighbors, sounds like a good incentive to meet them on your own terms, let them get to know you. I know it's hard when everyone works, etc., but actively look for opporunities and you'll find some. Don't mention or discuss BM, just let them get to know the good people that you are. Good people will see and appreciate the difference between what they hear and what they see. If they are the type of people who hear rumors and believe them in spite of the truth in front of their eyes, you shouldn't care much about them anyway.
Best wishes to you!
BM did this with SD
Because the party was at BM's old neighbors, who BM had trashed us to so badly that they wouldn't let their daughter spend the night here. So BM didn't want her old neighbors to meet us and see we're ok.
We just let her do it.
Now if these are your neighbors, why is BM invited whether SD goes or not? Is BM friends with them? If so, then maybe DH should take SD to the party and drop her off to BM, then go back to pick her up later. This will make BM uncomfortable if she's anything like ours. And that may be enough to curb future infiltration.
“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks