I swear my DH is a total IDIOT!!!!!

So at lunch time I get a call from DH who wants to discuss tonight...

He tells me SD really wants to go MIL's for his birthday and she already has dinner planned. I tell him that is fine but I am sorry I am not going. We did not even get to discuss this prior and I think this is ridiculous that a 16 year old tells us what we are going to do. If you want her to tell you what to do go right ahead but you will be doing this with just her I am not having this.

So of course that started WW2, which i really dont give a shit. He tells me I am acting like a child, I tell him well we have to have one child since SD is the wife lately. He gets really pissed and blah blahblah.... Then has the nerve to tell me I am messing up his birthday.....WTF is wrong with you. I wanted to either make you your favorite dinner or take you out for dinner and SD has made it so i can not even do that. WAKE UP ASSHOLE!!!!!! well after I said that he hung up on me and text me SD and I will be at my mothers tonight. My resonse....STAY THERE ILL SEND YOUR SHIT!!!!!!!

I am being wrong here? I mean I dont understand where children tell parents what there doing....I think I'm going back on vacation.....This is just not working...

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I'm not sure I fully

I'm not sure I fully follow... SD and MIL wanted to make DH a birthday dinner?

http://www.steptalk.org/node/

http://www.steptalk.org/node/66743

SD16 made plans without DH

SD16 made plans without DH and I and his mom is now making dinner. Now because Sd16 made these plans DH wants to do them. My last blog explains more

oh its at 5:30 when SD16

oh its at 5:30 when SD16 knows I get out at 6 and not hone till about 6:20....In other words I am not invited by SD

and DH wants me to meet them

and DH wants me to meet them there. So I get out at 6 his mother is like 30 min away from my work I wont get there till 6:30 and dinner is at 5:30....

NO! you aren't wrong. YOU had

NO! you aren't wrong. YOU had plans for him and she stepped in to dictate otherwise. He let her. That's what he needs to understand. You are not ruining his bday. You had plans, he decided he wanted to do something else. Fine, but you don't have to.

I wish SO would cry to me about his bday after the way he's treated me on mine.

I would present it the way I did above. Oh, DH I had plans for us. It sounds like you and SD want to do something else though. that's fine, but you know I can't make that. Sorry.

Well then, that's an

Well then, that's an interesting scenario.
Hmm.
SD makes plans for the family.
Lovely. Not.

First off, you are not wrong.

First off, you are not wrong. Not in the least. I can't fathom the idea of my SD's getting to plan what we do on DH's birthday. They always want to join in on the party, or whatever, but I never ask them and I am the one that has made plans every year. If one of his daughters did this and he went along with it, regardless of the fact that his wife couldn't join him, and had planned on celebrating a different way, yeah.....he would go alone and that's how he'd stay.

Fuck that shit.

Pisses me off though helena I

Pisses me off though helena I mean WTF!!!! I left for 9 days and since i have come back we have not had anytime alone....any quality time at all.....I mean buddy wake the f(*& up!!!!! Sorry just so pissed!!!! and what kills me SD knows this and is going to be all smiling like I won again.....FU bitch

Oh I KNOW! I have been here.

Oh I KNOW! I have been here. At some point though I kinda got myself trained to back off. It took a couple months before SO started realizing something was different, but my disengagement from him because of SD did help.

No one gets under my skin like SD, but I refuse to let her see it. I promise you though in your situation, I just wouldn't go. I'd be matter of fact about it too so he couldn't turn it around on me.

If SO ever tries to turn things around on me about SD, I just say "I'm sorry you see it that way" I have learned to leave other people's issues on them and not take them on as mine. Its so hard to do all the time though.

Its like i want to throw the

Its like i want to throw the towel in and say F*(& it you win, Im DONE!!!!! BYE

been there.

Tell him you can't go because

Tell him you can't go because you already made plans. To cook your dad a special dinner.

I don't think you're

I don't think you're wrong.

But, I don't think he's wrong either.

I think you should choose your battles.

It is HIS birthday. Shouldn't HE decide how he wants to celebrate it? If he wants to spend it with his mom and daughter, no harm done.

No plans had been made in advance, so he's not breaking plans.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Tell him you had been planning a special dinner with him, and wanted to be alone with him, but if he'd rather celebrate his birthday in another way, it's his choice.

Except this isn't necessarily

Except this isn't necessarily what he wanted to do. SD made dinner plans for him and then demanded that he follow through because MIL is already planning dinner. So he agreed. That doesn't make it HIS plan. AND SD planned it at a time when she knew Daisy couldn't be there. And that is a BIG problem because if he is ok with that plan that he is basically saying "I want to have dinner with MIL and SD and you can join us after". That is shitty and if my dh ever made dinner plans without me, he'd be on his own for the remainder of his bdays.

He's grown. No one can

He's grown. No one can demand anything of him unless he gives in to the demand. It's his choice.

Unless his daughter has his

Unless his daughter has his . And then his only choice is her demand...

I would seriously send his

I would seriously send his stuff. Change the locks...there's a nice gift. You are giving him his precious SD and his sad mother.

You are not wrong. Children do not make any decisions like these in any household.

It is only in this type of situation that it becomes all about "what SD wants".

I get along very well with my mother in law. She would never consent to making ANY plan with my SD. This is just another sign that your SD has some serious issues. Didn't she screw up your 40th, too?

Lily....I am all for its his

Lily....I am all for its his birthday but he knew our plans were I cook or we go out it was just a matter of which. If his daughter didnt make the plans that is what the plans were. But because SD16 has decided she wants to make plans for daddy and not include his wife is what aggravates me.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize

I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had made firm plans.

He is wrong.

I would probably tell him I already had other plans and ask him if he was sitting in a replacement batter since he was bailing on me.

And I would go out and do something fun with a girlfriend, but not come home until late, and when he asked, I'd tell him, something very vague and say, "I sure do wish you hadn't bailed on me. We had a lot of fun."

Or, I'd be dressed really sexy and laying in bed when he got home, and when he started getting frisky, tell him since he wasn't there, I already played with my toys without him, so everything was taken care of, and I hope he had as good a time with his mom and D as I had.

But I don't recommend that. I have a bad evil streak sometimes. }:)

tee hee!

...and I think the Bible

...and I think the Bible quote goes soemthing like this...

"A man is meant to leave his mother and a woman leave home...they shall travel on to where the two shall live as ONE"...

It doesn't say anything about daddy's little girl getting in the way!

LOVE this!!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I Love

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I Love This !!

Rock and Hardplace. Either

Rock and Hardplace.

Either you go, miss the dinner and feel really really bad for being excluded and giving in.

You don't go, SD is happy, MIL will wonder what the hell is wrong with you, DH will be angry, you will be miserable.

Its a lose-lose at this point. Pick the better of the two crappy options.

I dunno flabbergasted, I bet

I dunno flabbergasted, I bet your balls are bigger.

Unless you are on bad terms

Unless you are on bad terms with your MIL or she meddles, I would just about bet that this whole situation was orchestrated by your SD. I am left wondering if your MIL maybe did call but your SD didn't bother to relay the message. Or your SD called your MIL and said remember when we did so and so for Daddy's birthday, it has been a long time since we did such and such and I really would like to... Wouldn't it be nice...? I bet it was something along those lines.

With regard to your DH's birthday if you don't go to your MIL, it will portray you in a negative light. Instead, I would use the event to focus on figuring out who manipulated who so that you can head it off this kind of manipulation in the future. Good luck!

Unless your bay isn't treated

Unless your bay isn't treated the same.

sorry, that was unless your

sorry, that was unless your birthday isn't treated the same.

I like Flabber's suggestion.

I like Flabber's suggestion. I vote that you do that, the one where you tell him he needs to get his balls back from SD.

If you do that, let us know how that goes!

Or, I agree that you should change the locks. That is crazy he is letting SD decide what he does. That is unacceptable behavior for a child.

your my her My

your my her My resonse....STAY THERE ILL SEND YOUR SHIT!!!!!!!

How can these men step forward only to fall off the damn ledge again...I have the same shit going on at home. I am just happy to be at work today

I'm curious why your MIL

I'm curious why your MIL didn't talk to either you or your DH about this bday dinner. Does she usually make plans that involve you and DH through others?
I agree that you have no need to feel bad about not going.

I would act like I didn't

I would act like I didn't care and then go out and buy myself something nice for dh's birthday. I would stop and have a nice dinner. Maybe a massage and pedicure. Sky's the limit. When I got go
E I'd be totally relaxed and in fact might pity my dh for having to spend the evening with the skid and mil. But the most important part is to just not give an eff. Sd loses her power over you that way, dh loses the glory of being fought over by two women. I think it will take the wind out of their sails.

Good luck dear. Drink some wine and sleep well. The storm will tear up what it will but it will never take your dignity!!