He probably won't get it... I hope he does though, I hope something works... I hate to see marriages ending, but I understand that you have to do what it best for you! I wish you the best!!
He text me back "what happened? is everything OK?" I text back yes he text back oh OK well love you so much I'll call ya...Cant wait to see you friday.....So i thought to myself, were seeing eachother friday, that is news to me....
i think there is a lot of truth in this statement.
i've been pretty bitchy with dh lately and it's very draining and depressing for both of us. i know for me to be sweet it has to come from an honest happy place.
find your happy place. this separation gives you a lot of freedom to do something you've never given yourself a chance to do. go do it!
i'm going to take this advice and put it to practice in my own life! thanks SA
there's a balance for sure. you have to communicate your heart. but at the same time if you let all the joy and fun leave your relationship because you're so focused on the problems then i think things can spin out of control in a negative direction.
i know how badly you want this to work. but he has to want it as bad as you do and if he doesn't, like others have said, he can't cater to both of you, someone loses. If he was treating SD like a daughter she would not lose, but get a proper relationship with her father and you would be wife, the only wife - unless he figures that out, you are stuck with the short end of the stick no matter how badly you want it.
His cell phone excuse was an excuse plain and simple. DH here always has a 'reason' why SS6 gets special treatment - ALWAYS and its bullcrap, ALWAYS.
In hindsight, as much as I love DH, and I do, my only regret was moving in too soon. We should have kept up the dating even with living in 2 places being such a pain and headache, even when one of us had to leave to go 'home' and not wake up together, it would have been the smarter sacrifice to make.
One of the other posters posed the question of living separate until SD leaves - is that an open option for you? Yes it has its cons, but maybe the list is shorter than trying to live together...
Living separate is definately something i am thinking. I do not want her back in my house. i am sick and tired of the drama and will not deal any further. DH text me if we could go out frieday. i text back, have plans sorry....My plans food shopping but he not need to know that...
One of the things I miss about living away from DH is plans like that Plans to just get some groceries, pick a crappy movie, come home and eat a TV Dinner with my girls - low key, no 3 pot meal to be cooked, just a TV dinner or some soup, glass of wine for me, a soda for the kids and relax.
It seems everything is on such a bigger scale with DH and the skids for me - nothing can be, simple. I miss simple. Your Friday night plans are, simple and that can be something to be enjoyed.
I sorta agree with StepAside on this. If you haven't already, when he comes through for you on being strong to SD and keeping his word to you I would make his world rock!
If he is late for your dinner or night over I would let him know I am not happy not only by your words (actually very little words) more actions. He would not get anything more than a kiss goodnight and cannot spend the night (you are just too upset).
And if he is late or stands you up for SD let him know what it feels like. Next time be late to meet him or stand him up.
I would never wait around on him if he doesn't show up within 10-15 minutes and you have not heard from him with a legit reason (other than SD)I would be out of there. Don't let him treat you like that.
I think you're being a little passive-aggressive and men don't usually pick up on the "hint hint" of passive aggressiveness. He may never make the connection of you saying you have plans to cancel on him, and him not changing his behavior with SD. You need to tell him and be direct. "DH, when you do X, Y, and Z, it's showing me that you are not making any progress or changes with the way you handle SD. Therefore, I do not feel like putting forth the effort of working on our marriage until I see you are working on our marriage from your end".
Not very many men get hints. He's already shown he doesn't by his text he just sent you, "Ok, see ya Friday".
Comments
And I'd send one
And I'd send one back....
"It's SD again, right? .......Don't bother coming back"
She sent it to him. Can't
She sent it to him.
Can't wait to hear his reply. I love that you said "I'm not coming" and not "I can't make it".
Ahh yes, just reread it.
Ahh yes, just reread it. Thank you smdh!
Hang in there Daisy.
He probably won't get it... I
He probably won't get it... I hope he does though, I hope something works... I hate to see marriages ending, but I understand that you have to do what it best for you! I wish you the best!!
He text me back "what
He text me back "what happened? is everything OK?" I text back yes he text back oh OK well love you so much I'll call ya...Cant wait to see you friday.....So i thought to myself, were seeing eachother friday, that is news to me....
and just "OK"....Really?????
and just "OK"....Really????? Whatever...Plans Friday sorry!!!!
honey (lubricant) than
honey (lubricant) than vinegar (bitching).
i think there is a lot of truth in this statement.
i've been pretty bitchy with dh lately and it's very draining and depressing for both of us. i know for me to be sweet it has to come from an honest happy place.
find your happy place. this separation gives you a lot of freedom to do something you've never given yourself a chance to do. go do it!
i'm going to take this advice and put it to practice in my own life! thanks SA
there's a balance for sure.
there's a balance for sure. you have to communicate your heart. but at the same time if you let all the joy and fun leave your relationship because you're so focused on the problems then i think things can spin out of control in a negative direction.
I am agreeing with this one
I am agreeing with this one too... some pillow talk after a rocking good time. AND you get to have fun too!!
Tough love Daisy. i know how
Tough love Daisy.
i know how badly you want this to work. but he has to want it as bad as you do and if he doesn't, like others have said, he can't cater to both of you, someone loses. If he was treating SD like a daughter she would not lose, but get a proper relationship with her father and you would be wife, the only wife - unless he figures that out, you are stuck with the short end of the stick no matter how badly you want it.
His cell phone excuse was an excuse plain and simple. DH here always has a 'reason' why SS6 gets special treatment - ALWAYS and its bullcrap, ALWAYS.
In hindsight, as much as I love DH, and I do, my only regret was moving in too soon. We should have kept up the dating even with living in 2 places being such a pain and headache, even when one of us had to leave to go 'home' and not wake up together, it would have been the smarter sacrifice to make.
One of the other posters posed the question of living separate until SD leaves - is that an open option for you? Yes it has its cons, but maybe the list is shorter than trying to live together...
Living separate is definately
Living separate is definately something i am thinking. I do not want her back in my house. i am sick and tired of the drama and will not deal any further. DH text me if we could go out frieday. i text back, have plans sorry....My plans food shopping but he not need to know that...
One of the things I miss
One of the things I miss about living away from DH is plans like that
Plans to just get some groceries, pick a crappy movie, come home and eat a TV Dinner with my girls - low key, no 3 pot meal to be cooked, just a TV dinner or some soup, glass of wine for me, a soda for the kids and relax.
It seems everything is on such a bigger scale with DH and the skids for me - nothing can be, simple. I miss simple. Your Friday night plans are, simple and that can be something to be enjoyed.
Daisy - are you going to
Daisy - are you going to continue with seeing a therapist?
You are doing so well!!!!
You are doing so well!!!! This is so hard I know.
I sorta agree with StepAside
I sorta agree with StepAside on this. If you haven't already, when he comes through for you on being strong to SD and keeping his word to you I would make his world rock!
If he is late for your dinner or night over I would let him know I am not happy not only by your words (actually very little words) more actions. He would not get anything more than a kiss goodnight and cannot spend the night (you are just too upset).
And if he is late or stands you up for SD let him know what it feels like. Next time be late to meet him or stand him up.
I would never wait around on him if he doesn't show up within 10-15 minutes and you have not heard from him with a legit reason (other than SD)I would be out of there. Don't let him treat you like that.
I think you're being a little
I think you're being a little passive-aggressive and men don't usually pick up on the "hint hint" of passive aggressiveness. He may never make the connection of you saying you have plans to cancel on him, and him not changing his behavior with SD. You need to tell him and be direct. "DH, when you do X, Y, and Z, it's showing me that you are not making any progress or changes with the way you handle SD. Therefore, I do not feel like putting forth the effort of working on our marriage until I see you are working on our marriage from your end".
Not very many men get hints. He's already shown he doesn't by his text he just sent you, "Ok, see ya Friday".