when the BM is more of a child than the child
All 3 of my skids are Independent, self sufficient, and very mature. (obviously with the occasional "the world is out to get me attitude"). Every so often I'm treated like a floor mat, but more often than not, my skids are wonderful....and no thanks to BM.
DH raised all 3 basically by himself...even when him and BM were married. After they split BM would come around and play mom when it was convenient or favorable to her.
When Dh and I got married he packed the kids up and moved 15 hours away from BM to be with me. (I was stationed far away). Now, the agreement is that BM gets the kids for every school holiday but she needs to pay for the plane tickets. Normally, she would give us 300$/mo for Child support (not that she EVER did) but we told her to start putting it in an account so that when it was time for her to fly to kids to where she is, she wouldn't have any problems. Now...I consider this part of the agreement to be more than helpful to BM. We're making it easy for her save to buy tickets for her kids by letting her keep the Child Support money.
Now...over thanksgiving break the kids went to their moms. My SS asked for a pair of sneakers costing $42. Well, BM was with her friends so she sarcasticlly told SS, "tell you're father to buy them for you"...then proceeded to buy a 50" screen TV costing her $1000!!! Then she tells my skids that it's half their christmas present. (mind you...they're only there 4 weeks out of the entire YEAR). Ok...it's f*cked up...but that's not my issue.
My issue is that she found plane tickets for a 75 dollar special. Great right. Well, the problem is is that the tickets are for 7:00 in the morning and my SS has finals that day. So...my answer is...No, he's not leaving at 7:00 and missing finals. I'm not about to make his schooling suffer because she doesn't bother to find out what's going on with the skids schooling situation.
DH told her to change the flights. BM calls SD11 and tells her to ask her dad if he can call and talk to the airline and bail her out because....surprise surprise...she doesn't have the money to change the flight. (rememeber...she just bought a tv for $1000.) So, now she wants me to drive down with the kids so she doesn't have to worry about fixing her own f*ck up. (it's a 15 hour drive)
I am going to be down there for x-mas and I could drive down and save her the trouble...but my question is...why should I. I already have my plane ticket. DH and I keep up our end of the deal.
I'm just so glad my skids don't see her enough for her inconsistant life style and irresponsibility to rub off on them. (Although, I would NEVER discourage them from seeing their BM...as childish as she is, she's still their mom)
Should I drive down or force her to grow up and figure it out?? I don't want to bail her out, but I also don't want to screw the kids over. Would I be acting as selfishly as she is to make her find the $$ to change the tickets and refuse to drive??
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15 hours? I would refuse to
15 hours? I would refuse to drive. There is an agreement in place and it was her mess up, not yours. I would suggest that she drive the 15 hours to pick them up.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
A 15 hour drive? NOT! No
A 15 hour drive? NOT! No way would I drive 15 hours to bail out BM. She screwed up, let her fix it. This will be a learning experience for her. OR, is there any way that the kids (just this one time) could take their final exam the day before? If so, do that, and let BM know that there is no way that something like this will EVER happen again.
PS, I bet I know where the $1000 for the TV came from!!!
Ah, I've already called the
Ah, I've already called the school and that's a no go. He has finals all week that day being the last of them.
I def. know where the 1000$ came from!! Talk about having your priorities out of order huh.
I am worried that if I don't agree to drive down that me and DH wont see the kids for x-mas. Which by the way....she said if we want to see them for the holidays then she needs to also be invited to my SIL's house to have x-mas with us!!
But hey...if she wants to have X-mas with a bunch of ppl who can't stand her...so be it. It wont be uncomfortable for any of us.
I LOVE your
I LOVE your attitude!
Especially this -"But hey...if she wants to have X-mas with a bunch of ppl who can't stand her...so be it. It wont be uncomfortable for any of us."
I myself would enjoy that show. But BM doesn't enter Sita world b/c she is afraid to find out I exist.
And she didn't enter "InLAW" world the last 5 plus years they were married anyway.
But that would be quite an entertaining venture (on OCCASION I know. There are plenty of BMs who overstep boundaries like this all the time, and believe me (and CG you know I mean YOU) I would NOT wanna play THAT hand all the time.)
"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen
stepping over her boundaries
stepping over her boundaries is an understatement. She actually told DH that she feels she should be invited because 1.) we want to see the kids and 2.) it makes her feel like she still part of the family.
Seriously...she knows nobody can stand her. Nobody but the kids would care if she dropped off the face of the earth...most of us would actually be grateful if she did just go away.
The woman is completely screwy.
Is she that lonely? No new
Is she that lonely? No new BF? No family of her own? So what happens if you don't invite her to SIL's house? Will she keep the skids from you? Um, that's called blackmail.
Not quite blackmail. Since
Not quite blackmail. Since it's a school vacation it's her time with the kids. That was the deal we made with her when me, Dh, amd skids moved so far away. It's totally up to her as far as if we get to see the kids while we're down there.
Her family all lives pretty far away and while she does have a BF...she started dating him while married to my DH and met the guy while DH was deployed in Iraq, her BF doesn't let her around his family. In fact...he wont even take her out in public. She's basically his Booty call.
Honestly...if i were her...I wouldn't want to spend X-mas with my x and his new wife whom the kids love.
You would think it would be to much of a reminder of what she threw out. After Dh and I got married she actually asked him if he would consider working things out so they could be a family again. His reponse..."You left your family, and they found someone better"
Ah, didn't realize it was
Ah, didn't realize it was her time. Let her have Christmas. You and DH get them the rest of the time. Let her spend her holiday alone. She chose the life that she now lives. Nothing you or DH can do to change that. If she wants a family, she'll need to find some new 'husband material'. And she wanted DH back AFTER he remarried? Ugh, ballsy! She just doesn't get the meaning of marriage, does she? Sad....
Nope, she doesn't. She also
Nope, she doesn't. She also doesn't know the meaning of Mother, family, consistancy, respect...ect.
And if DH and I have to pay for the changing of the flight then not only will the kids be staying with us...but she will be spending x-mas alone stewing in the puddle of bull shit she created for herself pouting like a 4 year old that didn't get her way.. And with no pity from me, DH or SIL.
The deal was, she gets them as long as SHE pays for the tickets. If she doesn't hold up her end of the deal, to bad. She's 38...no reason the 25 yo SM should be bailing her stupid ass out.