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My New Blog

diamonds-and-lace's picture

I have many online presences, including many different online journaling sites (namely LJ which I realize is so last year (or so 1999) but I keep it up.) I decided to make a steptalk blog just to document my life with FH and FSD11 and whatever else is to come, mostly for feedback from anyone who has it and whatnot if I ever need it.

I'm a 32-year-old attorney. I am never married and have no bio-children. I want both of those things and have plans to make both happen, with an October 2019 planned wedding. I never saw myself falling in love or even dating a man with a child. My last boyfriend and I were together for 5 years before I made the really big decision to end it, because it wasn't working for a multitude of reasons. Leaving that relationship was easy and hard at the same time. It was hard because I was 28 years old and couldn't foresee how I would ever find a man to make a family with at that point, I had wasted so many years. But through internet dating came FH. And though I was skeptical of dating a man with a child, I didn't let it stop me and it has been pretty smooth sailing since.

FSD11 and I have a very special and sweet relationship. We only get her EOWE, mostly due to the fact that BM moved back home when FH and her divorced - putting a near 2 hour commute between the two of them and FH didn't move because of work and because he wasn't about to follow his ex-wife. We both wish we had her more, but it would take a physical move which no one really has the means to do. BM has the least amount to leave behind if she chose to move closer to us, but we live in a rural town that I am not surprised she doesn't particularly want to move to. We hold no resentments, but do wish we had FSD more.

We have a LC relationship with BM. BM and FH were awful as spouses, but they are wonderful at being co-parents. BM and I have a good relationship - FH tells me often that BM likes me more than she likes him. Just yesterday when I dropped FSD off with her mom, BM embraced me. My life has taken a strange turn - I never thought I'd be hugged by my SO's ex. But it is what it is and it's working for us.

BM has some mental health issues, which hadn't been resolved for a long time (according to FH,) but she is currently medicated which is helping the situation even more. I am happy for that, because her current marriage was starting to look like the one between her and FH and neither FH nor I want BM to get divorced again and be a single mom two times over. We are happy she's doing things to better herself.

FSD is in the 6th grade and is developing very much into an independent person. I always look forward to seeing her growth as a person. She changes so much just in the two weeks that pass between visits. When FSD was with us this weekend, it was just me and her. FH's work schedule has flipped (he works EOWE) and we are not switching FSD's custody schedule until after the new year because of already scheduled events. We had a great weekend of cookie baking and Christmas shopping.

I guess I didn't really have anything to say. I will be updating the blog as life happens as a stepmom. But I never thought I'd be here - and here I am!

Comments

CLove's picture

Not everyone has a sad story to tell, it just seems like it sometimes.

Keep in mind that there are a few things going on:  I think blogging as they happen will work to help gain perspective. I know that mine has!

Some milestones to keep in mind for your future self:

- you are not married yet. Sometimes things change after the wedding happens. They really didnt for me, we were together over 4 years by the time we married.

- Teenager years to look forward to - getting her period, high school. EVERYTHING changes. Munchkin SD12.5 has really changed a lot this past year or so. Their friends gain in importance, and the parental units lose importance. Munchkin as such a sweet kid back then. She has her moments but shes still sweet.

- If anything happens to BM, then you will get to be full time. Or if BM actually moves, then you can change the custody schedule, but BM might not like that, so get ready for conflict.

- Sometimes, with EOW, when girls get older, they become very needy towards father. When time is severely limited, sometimes dads become what is termed "Disney Dad", where the child really has no chores, no responsibilities, its all fun all the time. 

But good luck! Keep reading, you learn a lot here.

Siemprematahari's picture

Great to read that all seems to be going well for you. Wishing you all the best and a happy future with your soon to be H and SD.