14 year old girls tend to be terrible people..lol.

I kind of agree.. self centered..not aware of how their actions reflect etc.. 

There is another poster on this site who has a girl preteen/teen age.. and I don't think she is a fan of her younger siblings.. which at an age when biology is telling you to ditch childish things and find a mate.. is not too surprising.

transpired in the the teen brain. Yet, only since the advent of coddle parenting and coddle educating have we had the broad eruption of ill behaved spawn proliferating in every direction everywhere.

When the schools required behavior and tolerated nothing less, when teachers, coaches, and principals had and used paddles as necessary, and the kids knew that their shit would not fly,  the instances of shit were rare.  Not to mention the level of hell ill behaved spawn who acted up in school would find waiting for them at home.

Now days, it is not rare to have any public exposure where some ill parented genetic cesspool of a spawn does not detract from the experience for everyone around.

Sadly.

I learned as a pre and early teen that bullies are not to be tolerated. At all. They bully, they bleed. So to speak.  Children who are tolerated to bully their parents, teachers, etc... have to instantly feel abject misery inducing consequences.  Sans the blood of course.  It seems that these are also the noxious spawn who cry the loudest when their peers call them out and push back on their whiney entitled crap.

My nephew, DW's sister's eldest, is one of these. A massively large kid. When he was 2, he looked 5 and it just kept going from there.  BIL1's two eldest of 4 daughters were very adventurous active kids.  They were riding bikes years before the nephew though he falls between the girls in age. They climbed trees, massive rocks, adventured in the woods near their home. He would stand and whine, pout, and cry because they would just leave him when he refused to go along with the girls' aventures.   On family vacations, I quickly got to the end of my rope with him as well.  I would not tolerate his crap to limit everyone else having a good time.  He was a pouting wussy. and Then he learned to ride his bike and turned into gigantor the terrorist. He started crashing into the girls on bike rides when he would challenge to a race and they would kick his ass by minutes. So he started running them into bushes when they out rode him, etc, etc, etc... Until... they both got off of their bikes , dragged him off of his bike beat on him a  bit, then tossed hin and hs bike in a ditch. At that point he was 2ft taller than either or them and was heavier than both of them combined.  Of course the nephew was all tears, sobs, and pouts after that.  So everyone had to put their bikes away and play board games. Invariably gigantor the nephew would cheat at games while his mom would try to calm him by  explaining that everyone else did not play like gigantor and his parents played at home.  Which meant at home, gigantor got to do whatever he wanted and would always win because they let him ignore the rules. SIL never mentioned cheating of course. Though everyone else around the table would call the cheating out.   After a few crying meltdowns about losing, the girls would lose their patience with gigantor, toss the rule book at him, then go jump on their bikes and ride off as gigantor cried and SIL ranted at them that she had told them nobody rides bikes.  As gigantor grew up he started gaining some confidence and courage but because his two eldest girl cousins would never tolerate his crap, he actually turned out pretty well.  in spite of his idiot parents.

The destroy the bully model works with ill behaved spawn.  Invoke escalating abject misery, and the crap behavior minimizes.  Kids held to standards of behavior, standards of performance, and zero tolerance for anything but respectful behavior, are not the noxious presence in the lives of their families and others that so many coddled COD teen brain farting spawn are.

The why of the biochemical, etc, crap is irrelevant IMHO.  The behavior they choose is what drives how pleasant their life is. From day one, to their last day.  Behave reasonably, have a reasonably happy existence. Choose otherwise, and suffer.  Creating viable adults is a parent's primary responsibility. IMHO.  Shipping ill parented noxious spawn off to school every day to curse the lives of teachers and other students should not be tolerated.

In my no gray black and white world anyway.

I applaud you and your educator peers for doing what you do. I would last about 30 seconds.  The first lippy kid I would kick out of my class and fail for the semester.  If admin pushed back, their choice would be to back me or find my replacement instantly, then face law suits from hell. My classroom model would be to demonstrate instant consequences for poor behavioral examples.  The first spawn of hell that assaulted me would be restrained and hog tied with zip-ties on the floor until the police arrived.  The first pissed off parent that raged into my classroom would be twitching on the ground as I sizzled them with a TAZER while basting and seasoning them with pepper spray.

I would be the teacher with a licensed concealed hand gun in the event of a Columbine event.  I would hold my students accountable and I would defend them with overwhelming violence and deadly force against anyone trying to un-alive them.

Grrrrrr.

You and your peers are Saints. And way under paid.

"Your problem is DH. You must take a stand with him.  It's you and BS Versus SD.DH must choose a side.  Understanding SD's side means another failed marrage. And loosing another kid."

Though default by the SParent spouse invariably is to try to make it all perfect, when the baggage is beyond salvage the message to the spouse bringing the baggage  is that that they have to choose. It is the duty of the SParent spouse to make the the picture, choice, and consequences so clear that there is zero doubt in the baggage bringing spouse that there is anything but choosing A or choosing B. There is no middle ground.

Engage in a quality manner or be gone with you and your baggage. If there is a new joint child, then being gone means being significantly separated from the new kid, being a complete write off to the newest X,  while paying a pile of child support.