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Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 8:03am

is my husband's memorial service. He died in late February, just shy of his 76th birthday, after a horrific six month fight with a cancer recurrence. His doctor was certain the surgery he recommended would buy him a few more years. But what could go wrong, did go wrong. And it accelerated everything. We had been together for 22 years, married for almost 18.

His children, all adults since we met, cut off contact 10 years ago. Because of the same old story - he had the audacity to remarry after his divorce. Especially someone who had kids and grandkids. His own grandchildren can have no memories of him but they are coming to the service. It's all such a sham, courtesy of his ex-wife who had the affair that ended their marriage. And it's just immediate family so there is no buffer. I wouldn't be at all surprised if his ex shows up.

I broke silence after the surgery when it became obvious that he was terminally ill, hoping this knowledge would encourage them to reach out.

It didn't. It wasn't until they heard the word "hospice" that they deigned to see him, and then only once.

I truly hate them. And I have no idea what's in store for today.

But in six hours it will all be over and hopefully I'll never have to see them again. Unless they contest the Will which I wouldn't put past them. You know, just for fun. 

 

 

 

Comments

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:14pm

my kids with me which definitely helped.

And thank you.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 8:35am

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I also hope there are supportive people for you to lean on during today and further on when you will need and want it.

In the end, nothing they say or do makes your love for him any less...or his love for you to have been any les significant.  

Hopefully you both had time to ensure that his estate plan and will were carefully set out so that the chance of any legit problem will be low.  But.. of course.. I understand that they may well be likely to want things even if they aren't entitled to them.

One note on that.  Please have someone remain at your home while they are in town so that they don't come in and try to steal the paintings off the wall so to speak.  They should not have access to your home period.. and nothing is "theirs" unless it is stated in the will.. and that happens when the will is read and probate is gone through.. they get nothing now.. nothing until things are legally sorted out.period.

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:17pm

which is about all I can appreciate at this point. But thanks for the advice and support -

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 9:10am

The golden years ???    Protect your assets and money.  Things can get horrible after death.  I want fathers. Ring, watch, ect 

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:17pm

I'm sure that fight is heading straight for me.

 

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Submitted by ImperfectlyPerfect on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 9:13am

Take care of yourself and hold onto those wonderful memories of your DH. It'd be nice if you could bring a friend for support at this event. This is a part of your healing. Also follow ESMOD's advice above. <3 

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:18pm

but I expected it would be. It always was, with them. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 9:28am

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending thoughts of comfort and strength for today and going forward. May you never have to deal with those awful people again.

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:19pm

you so much - 

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 9:32am

I am so sorry. My heart sank reading your post.. Sad

We are here for you. 

My deepest condolences to you. 

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 9:41am

Loosing a spouse is so hard.
 

You've gotten great suggestions to take care of you. I'd also consider appointing someone "in charge" at the memorial to handle any possible disruptions. Someone that can escort said individuals out. I would not allow anyone to disrupt my husband's memorial without consequences. As for the ex, have someone turn her away at the door. She has no right there. 
 

Prayers the memorial is peaceful. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 11:39am

I wonder if it's too late to hire security. OP has put up with enough. She can and should be done with all of them and their drama. 

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:21pm

It's over and I'm still standing. Which is all I'm able to muster at this point.

Thank you for the support.

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 9:53am

I am so sorry for your loss. And I see my future in this too.  It's all so sad and didn't have to be this way.

I hope you have support with you now and foreseeable future. 

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:22pm

I was never there enemy but I gave up trying to convince them of that years ago.

I'm sorry you're seeing yourself in my story.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 10:22am

I am sorry for your loss, and am sending prayers from California for a peaceul memorial that will help you through the loss and healing from the toxic step journey.

Prayers that you have a solid team of people that can help you through all this. And that the will is solid as solid can be.

Please feel free to share more of your story if appropriate. Often folks find it cathartic to share with others that are familiar with your expriences in stepworld. I think about the fact that SD25 Feral Forger and I being no contact (I have her blocked everywhere) might make things uncomfortable if anything were to happen to husband.

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:24pm

sharing it with people who understand would have greatly helped since day 1. I just didn't know anything like this existed.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 10:43am

I am sorry that you had to lose someone that you loved and cared for so deeply. I hope you are surrounded by true friends who will protect you from these examples of human garbage. Hopefully,  all will go smoothly. 

(((((HUGS)))))

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 11:38am

Damn. I'm so sorry. Hopefully everyone acts respectfully but of they don't, since you are the spouse and the one "putting on" the funeral, you don't have to tolerate any behaviors or people you don't want to. I also agree about securing your home and belongings. You don't have to put up with shite from these people ever again. 

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:29pm

pretty bad. There are so many things I would like to say to them but I don't think they would actually help me.

Thanks for the good thoughts -

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 11:45am

My condolences on your loss. I concur with those who recommended security at the memorial.  Make them  uniformed to ensure that they all know there is a hairy eyeball on them and any crap will result in them being very publically removed from the services.

Work with your attorney to have contingencies in place in the event they contest the Will.

Take care of you.

Give rose

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 2:13pm

it's even worse at the house.  I had a law professer tell us multiple horror stories.. people showing up to the funeral with uhaul trailer in tow.. people going through the home taking items that Aunt mabell always said she wanted them to have (diamond broach etc).  

Prior to the will being read and executed.. anything removed from the estate is stealing.. plain and simple.  It would be good if she had someone she could rely on to call the authorities if people start that.  

My professor said to never allow people back to the house.. it's too easy for things to walk away.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 2:28pm

My FIL's sister cleaned out their mother's home when she passed.  While FIL and the family and his sister were at the funeral, her DH and kids loaded a U-Haul with everything that they could grab.  FIL got all of the financial assets since his sister  had cleaned out the physical property.  His sister is still pissed about not getting "her share" of the accounts. There was not all that much, but... victims will be victims.  At least in their own weak minds.

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:30pm

And yes, the estate fight will soon commence, I'm sure.

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Wed, 04/24/2024 - 6:38pm

The youngest child chose to speak and he and his siblings were all teary eyed while he did so. It was almost funny in a sick kind of way. He said he forgave his father for the estrangement. I seem to have missed the part where he made mention of any regret for cutting off his dad. I really was flabbergasted.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 04/25/2024 - 12:03am

Time for you to close with, it broke your dad's heart when you all cut him off.  I comforted him countless times as he was grieved.  No doubt he does forgive you.

Give clarity to everyone else, and rub their noses in the truth instead of letting them run rampant with their self appointed victim delusions.

Grrrrrr.

 

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Thu, 04/25/2024 - 9:32am

hoping I never have to see or hear from them again. I have to let this go for my own sanity. But that's easier said than done.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Thu, 04/25/2024 - 7:48pm

OP, I have siblings I've been No Contact with for decades. When I had to conduct some real estate business with them, I hired a friend who happens to be a RE attorney. I asked her to handle ALL communications. She did her job well, and I didn't have to see or speak with those bottomfeeders at all. I suggest you do the same.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 04/25/2024 - 9:44pm

Though your reference to "bottomfeeders" reminds me of a lawyer joke.

What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?  One is a scumsucking bottomfeeder, the other is a fish.

Many in blended families have experienced this with family law attorneys and ... those who reach the family law bench.

I am glad that your RE is one of the golden ones.