Opinions Please!
Ok so this is really not about step situation but kinda, in a way.
My dad passed and we waited to have his memorial so that people could make travel arrangements and what not. End of this month we re having his service. Now my mom and him have were divorced when I was like 11 going on 12. It was not a good marriage.
Anyway she asked me and my older brother is she wanted us to go. Honestly I really don't but she says that my brother does, and I think he does. So we rented a house up in the area for the weekend. My brother lives several states away and she is picking him up at the airport and bringing him to the place. I am going separate with my SO and SS. My brother, his wife and kids will be coming too.
Now that same weekend is my younger half brother's graduation from Highschool. All in all I really do not understand why my mom is coming. Why would she want to go to the memorial service. I have my opinions, she is a nosy type who likes to know stuff. She will have comments before the service, and I am sure she will talk about when she was married to my dad, and after the service will say things about his family. Which I am not close with and do not really care to have much to do with. She will comment on things and all honestly I just do not care.
I do not understand the need to go to an ex-husbands funeral when she is happily remarried, also what the hell is she going to do Saturday while we are at the graduation. I really think it would be weird if she went to that. I don't know if she has even ever met my younger half brother.
What does everyone here think?
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When your parents divorced
When your parents divorced how were things between them afterwards? Were they cordial and civil with each other or was there a lot of anger and bitterness from the divorce? Is it possible that this is her way of paying her final respects to him being that he fathered 2 of her children? You know your mom best and can pinpoint her motives. If things didn't end well I can't imagine going to the memorial service and if I did it would ONLY be because my children asked me to attend.
Things ended really bad. They
Things ended really bad. They always fought and argued. I told her I do not need her there, I am good. My mom is strange she always seems to seek validation that she was the good one in the relationship, that she did not do anything wrong. She also seems to want to be validated that she was a good parent and a good mom.
Do not get me wrong I make her sound like a narcissist but she is not. With some things it is like she never really let it go or got past it. he freaking hit her when they were married. I do not understand and in all honesty I do not think my brother cares if she goes. I think he feels more comfortable but would not bother him. She kept asking me if she wanted me to go. She told me that my brother does but I think she asked, he said sure I do not care and took that as yeah he wants me there and needs me there.
Did your dad remarry or have
Did your dad remarry or have another SO? TBH... when it comes to divorced adults with adult kids.. I don't think any one needs the EX at the funeral. This is especially true if the marriage was not a good one with a bitter end.
Why on earth does your brother want her there?
Yeah he remarried and they
Yeah he remarried and they were divorced too. But they lived like a block from one another and were still talking and on good terms. I have a younger brother that is his mom. She was my dad's health proxy when he got sick. I get her going and attending she even talked to the church they attended some and arranged the service.
To be honest I do not think he really cares if she is there or not. I think she did to him what she did to me kept asking about going and feeling it out. I said I do not need you there. I don't really care if you are there but I do not need you to go. She probably asked my brother told him I didn't care and he said the same and took that as she needs to be there.
I love my mom but she can make things about her, turn her self into a victim, or wiggle a way with out seeming selfish or crossing that line totally. It is interesting. She wants to go more for being nosy and curious about it all.
So odd.
Sorry but it does sound like
Sorry but it does sound like your mom is a bit of a narc tbh. Constantly seeking out validation is the biggest clue. It seems all she wants to do is make it about her and make you guys tell her what a good person she is and how none of the divorce was her fault.
I would ask her not to come. She's already making things uncomfortable so there's no reason for her to be there anyway. He is an ex. When someone is mentally unstable, it never works out. Hence this website
I'd go to BM1's funeral. We are on friendly terms and her and DH have more than moved on. It's nice. I wouldn't even bother to piss on BM2's grave. She'd probably just love that sort of attention...even in death!