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DH seems annoyed when SS visits

Dontcallmemom's picture

Submitted by Dontcallmemom on Mon, 08/12/2013 - 7:56am

Having a lot of trouble posting. Trying to post in comments. Thanks in advance!

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Dontcallmemom's picture

Submitted by Dontcallmemom on Mon, 08/12/2013 - 7:56am

Does anyone else have a DH/SO who acts like it's just a big pain in the butt when their kid comes over for visitation? Not only that but his whole attitude changes. When SS13 is at our house EOWe DH always seems to do what he can to avoid him. He finds cleaning projects to do, errands to run, has SS go to his room to do homework, etc. When I get home from work DH starts talking up a storm to me and acts like he's been home alone all day.

On top of that, DH almost always seems more irritable when SS is over. I can't stand how his personality changes. That's one of the things I dread most about SS's visits. It's so predictable, EO Friday I know DH is going to be unpleasant to be around until Sunday rolls around.

What bothers me most about the fact that DH seems to not like having skid around is that he still insists he come over. He's even suggested that SS come over more often. I don't like it when SS is over and I have no desire to have visitation with him. I tolerate it because I love DH and would not try to prevent him from having a relationship with his son. But it's harder for me when DH doesn't seem to even want the kid around.

Why would he say he loves SS and say he wants him around but act like SS is a nuisance and a PITA? Does he feel he has an obligation? Is he afraid of looking like a deadbeat dad? Is he just horrible at expressing his feelings for his son? It's just confusing for me that we have to have SS come stay overnight with us if DH acts like he doesn't like it.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Mon, 08/12/2013 - 8:11am

My dh is like this......and my skids live with us full time.

I think these dads love the "idea" of their children....the ideal that is in their heads. But the actual down in the trenches raising them, or dealing with the annoyances are not something they enjoy.

When the skids aren't home (school or visiting someone) he will stare at their pictures on the wall, talks about them all the time, suggests things we can do with them, etc etc. But when they are actually there, he is annoyed with them, wants to do nothing with them and can't be bothered. I think there's dueling desires going on.....on one hand the biological drive to love and provide for their offspring, but the reality of their kids overrides that instinct when they are present and these dads just don't want to be bothered.

RandomOne's picture

Submitted by RandomOne on Mon, 08/12/2013 - 12:50pm

My guy gets more irritable when ss8 is around. when he isn't he will also talk about having him around more. I wont stand in the way of their relationship - it is important they be in each others lives. I honestly think these guys have an IDEA of who their kid is then when the kid is ACTUALLY in front of them they are completely different. Also, routine changes and the dynamics of the house changes for every other weekend and this stuff doesn't affect only us (step moms). i just let me guy deal and let him know not to be a butt when hes being a butt lol