SS sick during visitation while I'm pregnant
Ok, so I get that DH wants to see his kid. But when SS13 was over and had the flu when I was in my first trimester, I told DH I'd prefer not to risk getting sick while I'm pregnant. Here I sit, far away from SS hearing him sniffle and feeling a bit peeved. Do you think I'm overreacting? My hormones have been making me a bit emotional lately so I'm probably just having a bit of a bad mood moment. Either way, the kid leaves in a couple hours so that's good. I'm going to be pissef if I get sick though. It's already hard enough to work full time at this stage, to be sick too would totally suck.
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Nope
Nope
I didn't actually say that.
I didn't actually say that. But I will say that DH's first born will always come second to my bios. In fact, I'm not sure how it will be when I have bios but I feel like if they were sick, not only would I not send them away, I would insist that I take care of them. Much the opposite of what BM did this weekend.
There ya have it. Kids get
There ya have it.
Kids get sick... don't send a sick child away...whether it's "your" bio or your DH's bio.
It will help your immune system grow.
I agree with this. Seems to
I agree with this. Seems to me you are looking for an excuse for SK not to be around. Honestly the dirtiest thing any of us touch is money, so unless you are no longer touching money, and no longer going to public places, your belief some how sk is so infectious he should not be there is ridiculous.
Not only are you overreacting, it seem you may be looking for excuses too hard. Is there something else driving you not to want him there?
I think I've blogged about
I think I've blogged about this before but yeah, I do get annoyed in general when SS comes over. Largely because DH never seems to do anything with him or enjoy having him over. So I find it difficult to see the point of having him over EOWe. I don't care to spend time with him and if DH doesn't either, then why have him here? Especially if he's sick and I'm pregnant. But that's a whole other topic. I'm not asking for SS to not come over ever again, I just was thinking it might be nice to not have someone in the house to sneeze in my face is all.
Wow. That's pretty
Wow. That's pretty unfortunate. You seem to be setting up a situation of expecting DH to choose one family over the other. It's bad when a BM does this to an ex, but it's really sad to see a SM doing it. I think you are going to find the path you are on is not only going to hurt sk/dh relationship, it's likely to put your own at jeopardy with DH.
I'm mostly disengaged (in
I'm mostly disengaged (in case you hadn't already figured that out) as I've seen a lot of other women are. I step back and let DH do what he wants with his time. I didn't ask him not to have SS over and I won't say anything about how I was peeved this weekend. But what confuses me is what DH does with his time with SS. He gets quieter, moodier, more short-tempered when SS is over, and he doesn't seem to ever do fun things with him except maybe play video games. I'm not asking DH to choose but he seems to have chosen all on his own. I feel bad for SS sometimes but I'm not going to try to force a relationship between father and son where it doesn't exist. I don't want to be SS's mom, he already has one and DH knew that before we got married and was fine with it and also said he wouldn't want to be a parent to a kid that wasn't his either.
Do you expect DH to be a
Do you expect DH to be a different kind of father to your bio?
I'm confident that his
I'm confident that his relationship with our bio will be different from his relationship with his son. From the beginning of our relationship, he knew he wanted at least one more kid that he could raise and have with him full time. He's been very excited throughout this pregnancy. SS was the result of a ONS so at the time he didn't want him and wished he could go back and undo his idiotic move. But since his son was born he's lived up to his responsibility always paying CS, having his visitation to do his best to bond and being there for his son when needed. He's a good father to his son but, unfortunately he and his son's relationship seemed to be doomed from the start with the circumstances. He's done the best he can with a less than ideal situation. Now that he has a baby coming that is in the "ideal" situation I have no doubt that he will be a great dad and I can't wait to see it!
You come in contact with
You come in contact with germs all the time and don't even know it as symptoms sometimes show after they've been infectious. I wouldn't send my bios to their dads so I don't get sick unless I am immuno-compromised then it might be understandable. Only thing you don't want while preggers are the diseases you should already be vaccinated against. Wash and disinfect stuff the kid touches. Yes your over-reacting
Oh my goodness. Pregnant
Oh my goodness. Pregnant women in their first trimester have absolutely every right to over-react. The first trimester is a scary time. Good luck with your pregnancy. Get some Lysol and say your prayers. You will be fine.
Also, even if I LOATHED an
Also, even if I LOATHED an SM, I wouldn't send my sick bios to be around a pregnant woman. Honestly, I wouldn't even want them visiting step-siblings if they were sick. It's just common courtesy to me. Keep sick kids (and adults) confined. I realize it's DHs son, and your house is his "second home" but, I'd probably feel the same way. However, I tend to be germaphobic, so I'm probably not the best one to ask.
I completely agree with this.
I completely agree with this. I don't see why his mother sent him away from his home while he's sick.
I also agree with this
I also agree with this completely--I'd keep my children home from school so they don't infect others, I'd call in sick for work not because I think I'd recover faster at home but because of the common courtesy of not infecting others. Every time someone comes in sick to work or class, I get annoyed at the fact that they don't have the foresight to realize they could be infecting other people--and what if those people bring it home to someone to which it could be fatal?
God forbid this flu or cold develops into pneumonia which is most dangerous to the elderly, infants, AND pregnant women. Specifically because their immune systems ARE compromised. If it results in her losing the pregnancy or her life, there's not enough tears in the world to undo what had been done. If those suggesting that this is unreasonable to even ask, not demand, are willing to take that risk...
Don't know about anyone else but when DH got sick during my pregnancy, he was isolated to another portion of the house and I barely saw him for a week. My parents were furious that one of the interns where I worked (who I worked next to) came in even though she had a bad cold.
Pregnancy is a delicate time, even though it seems we've become more and more callous with it, believing that with our medical technology, we don't have to be careful. This is just IMHO.
I certainly hope you do not
I certainly hope you do not get sick but you know that, yes, you are overreacting and if it was your bio who was sick, you would just deal with it and protect yourself the best that you could.
Isn't being a "parent" doing
Isn't being a "parent" doing a share of the "grunt work?"
How does one call himself/herself a parent withOUT doing any grunt work???
Does your DH consider himself
Does your DH consider himself a parent?
I guess, given what you've described he does/doesn't do, that he is simply the "biofather."
It's sad, really. It sounds like your DH does "have the right to be a part of his child's life," but has limited that to simply being a person who contributed DNA.
I guess it's not that it's a
I guess it's not that it's a "big deal." Which is precisely why I think the kid should come over sick or not.
Last I checked, parents are parents all the time. Not just when their kid(s) is(are) healthy. I never sent SD away when she was sick during any of my pregnancies. I didn't send away any of my bios, either.
My baby making years are
My baby making years are over, but when I WAS pregnant, IF my DH had gotten sick, there would have been NO way he would sleep with me. One of us would have gone to sleep on the couch or the guest bedroom. DH's don't normally have another home they could retreat to if sick. I see nothing wrong with taking every precaution to protect your unborn child. Now, could some of you ladies jump over to one of the other topics, because there is a crude, rude, MEAN SM that needs your attention. Set her straight for us, cause I'm only here for encouragement. lol! Have a great day, ladies!!!!
PS - 13 year old boys are disgusting, I know, I've had two. He's probably wiping his snotty nose with his hands, and wiping his hands on your furniture! (That wasn't encouraging, sorry....get Lysol!!!)
I wouldn't have the kid not
I wouldn't have the kid not visit but he would be isolated in his room for the duration of the visit and you bet I'd be staying as far away as possible. If he's out, first thing he does is wash his hands and wear a surgical mask.
I got a cold during my pregnancy--it wreaked havoc on me for a month and a half, doctors wouldn't give me antibiotics even though I was constantly coughing up hard green phlegm, and had such congested lungs and the cough was so bad I'd be lucky if I got an hour's worth of sleep a day. And my throat bled due to how much I was coughing. I thought I'd never recover.
Even a cold during pregnancy is not to be taken lightly.
Your feelings are your
Your feelings are your feelings and you need to get over it.
Ss13 lives with me and dh full time. He was here during my entire pregnancy, there were colds, and he was sick a few weeks ago and me and my 7 week old got sick.
I have three other bios that live here 60% of the time and I wouldn't dream of asking their father to keep them at his house if they're sick. Sure, I'd rather not deal with sick children while pregnant or with a newborn, but it's my job.
Meh, I won't crucify you. I'm
Meh, I won't crucify you. I'm really germophobic and get really nervous about sick people around me - especially when I'm pregnant (which I am now). My son is around, obviously, and wouldn't be sent away but I would expect BM to keep skid home if she was sick - why contaminate both homes.
Anyway, you can't do anything about it now - just disinfect everything when he leaves. I know it sucks.
Yep. Totally agree. What I'd
Yep. Totally agree. What I'd do as well.
If I had a pregnant wife, I'd ask my ex if it was okay she keep my kid just for that week too--it's not about putting one kid above another, or one person above another (although for some reason that's the FIRST conclusion people jump to--why do we like to assume competition in step situations?) but about safety. I think if my ex was a decent person, she'd understand. After all, she was pregnant once.
If she said no, then fine, but it isn't unreasonable to ask, especially if the relationship is not strained or tense.
Yes I don't think you are
Yes I don't think you are over-reacting - the best thing would have been for BM to step up and actually BE a mother.
Keep her kid home while he was sick and take care of him.
SO should have stepped up and asked BM to keep him home that weekend, what is the point in infecting 2 houses?
The child HAS a fulltime home and a part time home. There was NO need for him to be risking the health of a pregnant woman and unborn baby just because Dad has rights and responsibilities too.
To explain WHY I feel this way?
My dd7 has an auto-immune disorder, she is immune-suppressed most of the time. I do NOT want sick people around her infecting her and putting her in hospital, but the number of inconsiderate and selfish people I have met astound me.
If your kid is sick keep them at f*cking home, do NOT send them to school, dancing, the playground/play centre.
And BM/OH? If your kids are sick they are NOT f*cking welcome in MY house. End of story. Do you think that stops them? Even knowing they are risking my little girls health she will STILL send her sick kids here, and HE will still bring them. I've had him turn up and ss10 start vomiting within minutes of arriving and OH will say - Oh he was fine right up til now!!!! I call BS. And yes, within 12 hours dd7 was also vomiting everywhere. SS was sick for a day, dd was sick for a week.
So. YES people should have some consideration for others, it's not about Daddy has rights and responsibilities to HIS kid, he has rights and responsibilities to A LOT of people, and stepping up and doing the right thing for EVERYONE involved.
Sorry. End of rant now, as you can probably tell - this is a touchy subject for me LOL
And yes, when anyone who LIVES in my house gets sick they are quarantined for the duration.