Maybe it has a lot to do with pregnancy hormones since you say these feelings started after you became pregnant.  It might be worth scheduling some time with a therapist to talk out some of your feelings.  Realistically, you've always known that your child could never be your FH's "first." But that doesn't mean that your and FH's child isn't also very special to him. Maybe he could also attend some therapy sessions so that you can express your feelings.  I think his response to your mother's question was pretty insensitive. My first child was not my then-husband's first; in fact it was his third.  But he never said or did anything that made me feel like our child wasn't just as special as his others. It was also insensitive of your FH to eat all the food and not consider you.  To be honest, I think the issue is with FH and his actions are causing you to resent his child. 

I'm sure that a lot of the emotions are "extra" due to the pregnancy.. 

But, do parents love the 2nd born any less because they had "firsts" with the other child? NO... This pregnancy is the FIRST one he has had with YOU.  That ultrasound is the FIRST one he has seen of his child with you.  

Now, I'm not saying you aren't a priority.. but you are with a guy who does have a child and that child is also a priority to him.  He is going to have to balance things the best he can... of course, you shouldn't always be last, but his child shouldn't be pushed aside just because he decided to have another child with you!

And.. SD is going to be your child's sibling.  I see a lot of resentment for her existence.. even though you said you were fine with her before.  I hope you can try to rationalize with yourself a little and try to realize that many of your feelings are probably heightened due to the pregnancy.  I'm sure that he didn't intend to leave you without a meal.. but figured leftovers were fair game.  If he truly loves you, he wouldn't do something to hurt you intentionally would he?  If you need to be more vocal about what he needs to be doing for you.. you need to do that.

He can't read your mind.  you may need to tell him specifically WHAT you need.  Don't hint.. and get mad when he doesn't magically understand what you wanted.

And.. again.. he is a father to SD also, you can't ask or expect him to get rid of his child.  I mean, if he could do that.. would you want someone who would discard someone they "loved" so easily?

If you need to talk to a therapist to help you work through things.. I would suggest it.

Ohhh girl. It sounds to me like you have a FH problem and SD is your scapegoat.

When my mother asked FH if his family will be excited, FH's response was: "they were excited the first time."

So the other day I cooked and left leftovers.  FH comes home with daughter and shares food for himself and his daughter, and none is left for me. 

I got into an argument with FH on Christmas Day, because after despite initially refusing to have SD come see FH for the holidays, on Christmas Day, BM decides "SD would like to see you today."  So FH spends 3 hours driving to go get her.  He didn't plan for childcare so it became a whole issue over the holidays.  

Without consulting with me, I learned that he also bought SD a ticket.  

I've never been pregnant and the information you are posting here about how your FH is behaving is pissing me off. And I'm not even the one who has to deal with it. 

You're pretty new on here so I don't know what kind of relationship you have, but one of the things my DH and I have learned to do is to discuss our expectations of big events (our wedding, vacations, moving, etc.) and what I want to have happen. Sometimes I'm being unrealistic and DH has to point out why and I have to come down a notch. Other times, I've told DH, "These are the top three things I'm looking forward to and I want them to happen THIS way and if they don't, I will go wildcat crazy on you, so make it happen!" He doesn't understand that something that may seem insignificant to him (or something he's done before that I'm doing for the first time) is actually a really, really big deal to me and I've envisioned it a certain way, and if we don't at least try to guide the situation in that way, I will be disappointed.

Will your FH listen and make changes if you tell him you feel like he is sucking some of the joy out of this by not "doting" on you at the most and by not considering your feelings at all at the least? Because you do not have a SD problem. (It sounds like this girl is polite enough, and is excited about you having a baby, which is a heck of a lot better than the skids who talk about actually killing their SM's unborn children! It's on here. Feel free to search for it). Instead, you have a clueless FH. 

Don't get married until you can sort all of this out - perhaps pregnancy plays a part, but there are some issues here that would probably bother you even if you weren't pregnant - but being pregnant makes them worse.  The fact that you are having a cold war over leftovers (I know it's not really about the leftovers) speaks volumes.  Couples counseling might help some. I agree with the previous poster who said SD is not really the problem - it's your SO who is the problem here.

I had my first with DH and my feelings towards my stepsons changed a lot as my pregnancy progressed as well, you’re not alone!

Yes the hormones play a factor, but your FH isn’t helping. At all.

What’s this about him telling you his family ‘was excited the first time’? Who says that? So your child is just ‘whatever’?  Then leaving you with nothing to eat when he knows you need more food right now... Of course you’re going to feel resentment, he’s behaving like a total @ss. If my husband had behaved this way I’d have torn him a new one.

Which brings me to my question.. have you talked to him about how you’re feeling? You need to. It doesn’t matter that he’s done this before, you haven’t. This is really special for both of you, and most especially for you because you’ve never done this before. If he can’t be considerate of the fact that you want it to be special, then evidence points again to him being a total @ss.

Nobody is perfect. My DH & I fought a ton during the second half of my pregnancy because all kinds of Disney dad crap started coming out right around the time my hormones started ramping up, and BM became more of a nightmare the further along I got as well (what a surprise). It happens, but you need to speak to him about it.

I called my DH out on his Disney dad garbage & didn’t let him make excuses about ‘the boys feeling left out’. No they weren’t, neither of us left them out, he was just feeling guilty & using anything he could think of as an excuse to elevate them above me without feeling badly about it, and I wasn’t having it. Is it possible your FH is feeling guilt and these little comments/actions are how it’s coming out? Or did he do these things before you were pregnant too?

Either way, talk to him about it & don’t put up with his sh*t. It’s not your fault he already has a kid & isn’t with her mother anymore. He’s an adult & chose to do those things, then chose to have a second child. Taking his guilt out on you isn’t an option (if that’s what he’s doing). If he always behaves this way, then he’s simply an @ss.

Oh bless your heart. Alot of your feelings are totally normal. 

Its evolutionary, you are pregnant, you are now doing and thinking things to ensure your child has the best survival chances. The fact that your partner has another offspring that's not yours, and the sudden borderline hate of that offspring is basically why tigers and other males kill other males offspring. It's all about survival. Ultimately humans are animals too. 

I've been in SDs life since she was shy of 3, have enjoyed a very positive relationship with her. My DH has always done his job of protecting me from any BM drama. We waited 5 years before having an ours baby. During my pregnancy? There were times I felt just like you do. There were times just knowing SD was coming to visit would make me angry. Her excitement about her new sibling, would, at times, make me feel sick. I hated how much time we spent talking about everything, how much time we took to ensure SD didnt feel forgotten, to make sure she knew that babies can be annoying. The times talking about SDs feelings because she was worried she would be jealous of her baby sibling because the baby would stay with us and she had to go back and forth. 

But, I was able to talk to my DH about it and he did his utmost to limit my exposure to SD. I spent the first half of my pregnancy sick with hyperemesis gravidarium, and in that time I basically lived in the bathroom. Once the hyperemesis went away I was able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy a bit more but that first 22 weeks was tough. Some days just the smell of food would kick start my vomiting, DH would have to eat outside the home or only cold foods. Yet felt guilty about leaving me for any length of time as I was miserable. 

You need to talk to your partner, I can only imagine how much harder it is if you are relatively new to being a "step". 

Now obviously I cant predict the future for you but for me? My DH arranged with BM that when I went into labour that SD would be dropped back with BM via our neighbour's. We ended up having a scheduled c section, but the fact that he put a proper plan in place to ensure that even if I went into labour at 3am, we wouldn't end up waiting on BM to collect SD or have to detour via her house made me calmer. 

And once my baby arrived? I can honestly say there was absolutely not one single thought of SD the morning my DD was born. Both my husband and I were totally blown away by her. And that evening? It was me that was excited about SD finally being able to meet her sister. She visited the following day and fell instantly in love too. 

I was very clear with my DH that SD can and should be encouraged to be involved, choosing outfits, playtime bathtime, but never forced and never the "bad" jobs. Once my DD was able to interact a bit more, I would be filled with love and pride watching DD and SD play. My relationship with SD got better too, we are now connected through this new person. She adores her little half sister and is fiercely protective of her, and as DDs BM, I like that. 

Now my SD is 9 and DD is 1. It's been one heck of a year, and during that time theres been ups and downs. But it does get better, your hormones do ebb away. 

I actually was concerned that I was depressed after DD arrived. But all was fine between me and baby but I had such waves of rage at DH. The poor man could do no right at some points. I've since heard of post natal rage and it may well have been that but despite my 4 trips to the dr, they were confident I didnt need any intervention. 

You need to make clear arrangements with your partner. Food is a HUGE deal when pregnant. My DH never ate the last of anything once I was able to eat again, just incase I would want it. But you do need to talk to him about it all because he cant read your mind and right now with all the hormones, your not even following a logical pattern, so the guy really is in the dark about what is super important to you right now. The only way he can know is you talking. 

But do know, you arent alone, you are not a bad person for feeling the way that you do and your partner can make this easier or harder, depending on his level of understanding and proactive behaviour. 

Oh and we completely expected BM to go crazy when we announced our pregnancy and she didnt. If anything that was the turning point for her becoming super reasonable and more open in communication. It was weird. But it can happen. 

So I think some of your emotions are perfectly normal! 
 

when I had my first child with DH I was jealous that I wasn't the first, for him in having a child. I would be pisssed if my husband said what your man said. 
 

On thing that did help is that I know DH ex wanted another child with him and he did not want to do it. Our child and children were all planned up to the latest. And even still he was excited and happy to grow our family. So I have comfort in that. 
 

depending on how your SD is, she may be a huge help when the baby comes and grows up. Do not pressure yourself to feel certain ways though. Be honest with your feelings but sensitive. My DH doesn't like everything I say or feel but he does respect it and I think partly is because we communicate it and stay open about it.
 

I would not get married until you are both comfortable with how each of you feel. 

I have the exact opposite problem I liked the skids and wanted to try and bond with them. It went well at the begening. Then SO and me started trying to have our own baby. For a whole year I couldn't and still can't get pregnant. 

That's what led me not to like the skids. I can't stand looking at them with my SO. I can't stand talking about them.

They are a constant reminder that right now or maybe ever I won't be able to have my own child.

So I understand you, just in reverse