You certainly don't have to have him there. Either don't tell him or tell the hospital you don't want any visitors. You can even talk to the nurses if you want certain visitors, like your family. You can ask them to keep some people out, though depending on hospital size that might not happen. If you truly don't want anyone there say you want to be completely confidential, their system should have an option to "hide" patients so that if someone calls or comes by the nursing staff can't see you or is flagged so they know they aren't supposed to say that you're there. You really do have options in hospitals though most employees are too lazy to deal with it. Make sure you assurat YOUR rights especially with your DH. He shouldn't be talking to you like that, I just stop talking to my DH when he starts swearing it's pointless and demeaning.

This is a tough one. What DH did venting and cursing at you was wrong.

However, asking that his child not be able to visit his new baby would be frustrating and hurtful to hear.

This is not your baby alone. It is a child that you and DH are having together. Rather than isolating this very special event maybe you should approach the discussion from a colaborative perspective rather than an exclusionary perspective. Ask him what he wants, share what you want, compromise and come to a position that will work for both of you.

Congratulations on the baby.

Sincerely,

I'm really sorry this discussion with DH went so poorly and he put you through all the angry BS. You certainly don't deserve to be spoken to like he spoke to you. This kind of stress is just something no one needs let alone a very pregnant lady.

I tend to agree with Rags above though. Your total rejection of DH's son cut DH and cut him hard. Yes this is your baby. Yes, your first and the beginning of your and DH's own family. Every woman handles and view her personal birth giving differently. Afterall, giving birth is a very personal thing. I'm not a believer in having a 'party' in the birth delivery room. I am a bit more relaxed though on the actual coming to hospital bit.

Would I want a bunch of kids running in and out? No. Would not matter if am bio-kids or my stepkids. A kids a kid, birthing is not something I'd intend to share with any child/teen. Hospital stays are so short that I'd really not have a need to have bunches of anybody (adults or kids) visiting. I'd want my Dh and my mother, that's pretty much it. I had a C-section with my last delivery and all births prior to that were 100% natural with no drugs. Hello people, get the h*ll away from me and let me recoup. I want to see and tend to my baby, and I'm not up to sharing here.

With that said, I'd have no problem if DH wanted to parade a kid or two pass the nursery room window. Kiddos can look through the window if baby is in there to their little hearts content. In fact since I shipped my older kids off to Gma's for the first week after giving birth each time, it was about the one and only time kids would glimpse baby until we were home and well settled. My mom usually brought the kids home for a short 1/2hr visit somewhere mid-week. Dh stopped by my mom's each evening to see how everybody was doing (and to pick up my dinner mom cooked, my mom's a sweetie). My stays were 24 to 36hrs in hospital except for the C-section which was a 48hr stay. My kids nor SS did not really feel left out or neglected and shut off, but they really weren't included in the birthing event or my hospital stay either. It worked for me, it worked for them and DH and I got the first week to adjust to the new arrival.

In Op's case my 2 cents think you need to set boundaries with enough leeway that the SS does not feel excluded totally. Perhaps if it's 'no' to SS anywhere near your room than it's 'no' to your sister's kids too. Think about letting DH set a time with MIL and sister to bring the SS and nieces/nephews to the hospital to meet DH at the nursery room window. DH can 'show-off' new baby to the gang safety behind glass and the two ladies can properly let every kid ooh and aah and then escort them away. They don't need to come near your room or bother you in any way. Pre-decide with DH as to when and how the first home visits with both adults and any children will be. This is your time and you get to have privacy without guilt and certainly without someone telling you to 'f*ck-off'.

I just read your other blog I had my DH and my MIL in the room when I was giving birth. My MIL is an awesome sweet lady, who is always on my side. SD took it upon herself that she was going to be there for the birth, I told DH HELL NO. After I had her we had visitors including SD, I didn't mind really HOWEVER I read articles while pregnant that said its actually encouraged to just be mom dad and baby during hospital stay for that special bonding time. I would just talk to DH when he gets his head out of his ass, and tell him this is a special time and you'd rather EVERYONE just wait till after you come home from the hospital.

I remember when my DD was just a few weeks old SD said she was sick (excuse for something else we asked her to do) and then a day later wanted to come over and see my DD, my DH and I fought about that. His stupid response was "she actually wasn't sick she told me it was allergies". Tough cookies, the result of the battle she dropped off her gifts and my DH met her in the driveway and said sorry you can't come in. My point is your baby, your experience, it's YOUR way and that's it. I would not make it about SS and just tell DH in general you don't want anyone there and then have a little gathering when baby comes home for everyone to visit.

I was going to type a post to you, but Rags said it better than I would have.

Maybe your DH could have them come to the nursery & see the baby there while you rest. That way, you're not having to deal with them & your SS can see his sister.

I think the idea that coming to the hospital to see a baby is one of the most important things in SS's life is beyond ridiculous. I think that your DH is being dramatic. I can understand your DH wanting his son to be able to share in this, but it certainly is NOT going to make or break SS if he has to wait one more day to see his sister at home. He's trying to make you fold. If SS came to see her in the nursery, where the staff would deal with him, maybe that'd be better than you having to deal with him at your house when you get home.

I also feel that he can take his "f*** you" & shove it up his ass.

He doesn't get to accuse you of not caring about his feelings while clearly not giving a shit about yours.

Carrying his baby or not, no one deserves to be spoken to that way by someone who claims to love & cherish them. He's being abusive toward you, & like an abuse victim, you try to hide it from people (I want people to think we're doing great).

Please, reach out to those who love you for support. Your baby needs an emotionally stable mother. You need to create a life where you ARE doing great...not just trying to pull off the appearance.

I understand where you are coming from. Altho it is both of yours baby, YOU are the one going through the pain, exhaustion and you have the right to choose who you want and who you dont want there. When I was having my son, i wanted more than anything to have my mum there at the birth. My exH insisted that if my mum was there, his mum shoulds be too. I didnt get along with my exMIL and certainly didnt want her seeing me naked, crying, sweating etc. I ended up being made to feel like the bad guy and relented to not having either mum there. Whilst i was in labour exH curled up on the chair and went to sleep so i had to go thru it all alone. I will always regret not sticking to my guns. I shud have said "my body, my choice" but i was a wimp and i will always regret it
Be strong, Stick to what YOU want while YOU are vulnerable!! SS has time when u get out of hosp to bond with baby. Might sound harsh but Im with you on this hun. xxx

Rags put it very eloquently. it's your baby, yes, and you're doing the work, yes, but it's also DH's baby and the newest addition to his family (which includes ss)

any way you could could compromise on timing? maybe something like: no visitors within 8 hours of delivery (so you can sleep, bond, nurse, shower, etc), call in advance so you can physically prepare, comb your hair, wash your face, use the bathroom, and whatnot (AND mentally prepare!), and have a 30 min time limit? those sort of guidelines can apply to ANY visitors, not just ss so it's not singling him out for exclusion...

i'm sorry your discussion with your DH went so poorly. hopefully when he gets his ass off his shoulders you guys can come to a peaceful solution.
((hugs))

When HE pushes out a baby, he can have all the kids around he likes.

When I had our daughter I didn't want anyone there. I had her on Friday and I made it clear to everyone that there were to be no visitors until I said it was ok. I don't get along with my step-kids very well. DH and I came to an agreement that the all the kids including my son couldn't come to see their new sister until Saturday. It actually worked out well they only stayed for a short time and my great MIL brought them so I wouldn't have to deal with their BM.

My father didn't take me to the hospital to see my brother after he was born. I honestly had no idea something was taken away from me. Oh well.