All of the trunk, floor, back window....space was filled up????

Of course you went overboard. What's going to happen when BM discovers that you actions caused her kid to get zeros on those missed homework assignments?

You really expected your husband to want to have sex with you after what you pulled? I'm surprised he even spoke or looked at you after that.

Do you drive a really small car or something? A backpack can be put in the floor of the passenger seat easily.
I think you did go a little too far but I understand where you're coming from. Your car is not a storage locker.

You didn't go too far if your goal is to destroy your marriage. You both are in a tit for tat dance and those never end well.

How old is she? I'd say it's fairly silly to react that way unless she's over 16. Kids tend to be forgetful about crap like that. If it was your own daughter's backpack, what would you have done? That's what you need to consider.

I really don't see the big deal here. Like Lady said... if SD was THAT worried about her bag and homework, she would have brought it in the house instead of leaving it in the car. What if your car was stolen? What if your car spontaneously combusted?

You did not put her stuff in the band room, KNOWING that it would be locked upon your return and you wouldn't be able to retrieve it. You put it in there to get it out of your way and you plan was to put it back in your car when you were done moving things. Oh well, such is life. It was SD actions that led to her not having her bag and homework... NOT yours. I mean, if you chucked the shit out the window on the interstate.. THEN I could see your DH being pissed. But if my DH wanted to get pissed over what you did and make into MY fault... we'd be having a pissing match for sure.

Your husband did something nice for you (tire rotation ). How does he feel you responded?

Note: I have not read your other blogs, so my advice may not be applicable.

While I would have told whoever I was speaking to that I had bags in the band room that needed to be returned, I would consider this a case of natural consequences. My 11yo SD has missed out on homework due to similar circumstances, though it was DH who made the final call (which probably would have helped in this case.)

I told her twice to get her crap out of my car, (SD11's school crap FILLS the floor of the front seat, and I mean she puts her feet on top of it fills it.) She 'forgot' and I wound up unloading it at DH's office (family business) in order to fit the stuff for Scouts I'd offered to transport + people. I was so tired at the end of the night I refused to go back. I told DH he needed to go get the stuff if he wanted SD11 to have it. He told her to go get her homework and when she threw a fit about it having been unloaded at DH's office, he pointed out that she'd been told to remove it twice. She demanded he go get it because of her important homework, and DH refused. Told her he would take her out early in the morning to pick it up and she'd have to do the homework in the morning at school.

Natural consequences.

"If you had room for boxes and props you had room for her stuff. "

No - you cannot physically put two things in the same place. I've often had my van loaded up (backseats down, middle seats out) so full that I had to have my dog in my lap.

These things happen. It isn't the end of the world. Your sd needs to be more responsible with her things and your husband should back you up and stop sulking. SD's homework will be a day or two late, big deal. Now she will hopefully remember not to keep her stuff in your car.

I think a conversation could've been had between OP and DH upon finding the bag in her car in the first place. A simple "hey, your kid left her bag in my car despite being asked not to. How can we handle this?" could've prevented a lot of unnecessary drama over a backpack.

Yeah my SD13 is very good at leaving stuff everywhere. And forgetting about it until the moment she needs it. I used to ask her and DH repeatedly to make sure her things are properly put away until I'm blue in the face with no results. So I am suspecting the OP reached this point. As many know I've thrown stuff down the stairs and off the deck and into the trash. Trash left in my car gets thrown into her room. I have thrown her things from my car into the middle of the driveway. I have found things after leaving the house too.

I have to wonder if I may have done a similar thing if space was at a premium in my car, I needed the space (three bags is alot). Sounds like she may have tried to work around them but got sick of it.

If I was tired and in my way home, realized I forgot them, but that they were safe I may not have gone back. She should have taken her bags in when she got home.

However I would have let DH know this and that he would have to get them if necessary. And he knows this because we both understand what I don't cover for.

OP, most adults can spot blame deflecting when they see it. Whether it was intentional or not the fact remains that her stuff got locked up at the school over the weekend bc you took it out of the car and put it there. That's probably why your DH got pissed, not because it happened but bc you came in on attack mode rather than taking any responsibility for what happened. Also, some people like to be more prepared than others. My DH is the type who will clean out his vehicle the day before if he knows he's going to be using it to move things around. I am more the type to realize things aren't going to fit right bc I have too much crap in my car as I'm trying to stuff things in there. So while I'd be mad thinking "ugh, why did the kid leave all this stuff in here AGAIN, now this is going to be harder to do," it wouldn't happen to my husband bc he would have already had the car emptied beforehand.

As far as your SD goes she's at the age of being a drama queen. They really do think the world revolves around them at that age and minor problems are magnified. Have to go to school without make-up on? Oh no my life is over! Everyone will be looking at me! That sort of thing. She will get over it but she probably won't get over the instances where she feels like you did something mean to her on purpose bc you don't like her.

IDK if you will see this. I just read your other 2 blogs.

I know that a story has the slant of the story teller. I'm not saying you are lying. I'm not saying that you are wrong.

I also feel that while you may have subconsciously sabotaged SD, I know how it feels to be at the point that you just don't give a crap anymore. After 7 years of being the one most responsible for SD, I got to this point and DSO has stepped up, but he is bad about just saying 'Do x,y.z' but never following up. SD will be 16 in 2 weeks.

It does seem that you are both targeting the skid, your DH and you. Of course, a bioparent will generally side with their kid. IDK why you are being attacked by some on here, as your first blog actually made your DH look like a big bully, but maybe I'm reading it wrong.

You and your DH need to learn to communicate and stop finger pointing at the kids and start taking responsibility for your own kids. He shouldn't be allowed to yell at your DD and you shouldn't do the same. He needs ot worry about his kid and let you worry about yours and vice versa. Until you can both be on the same page with this, things could get a lot worse.

If you don't figure out how to communicate, you will having everyone in the house resenting each other and doing things to really anger each other. It could also affect how your DD feels about you.

I suppose it would have just been 'too much' to have texted your DH while you were hauled his daughter's crap into the bandroom ? "Hey, DH, Sd left her crap in my car again, I'm dumping it in the bandroom. If she needs or wants it you can come get it"

This sh*t game you're playing with DH about 'who has the best daughter' of the two girls is damaging to your marriage. SD got her consequence , but so did you. Your DH no longer believes what you say. He thought, just like a share of members here did. That you deliberately pulled a b*tch move. He's viewing you as a little CherryGirl in training.

It doesn't matter what anyone here thinks as to how, what, why nor "did I go too far", but what does matter is what your DH thinks. You've lost his trust in your word.

I tend to believe you're a poster who likes to spin tales for reactions and uh, "shake things up" , but it really doesn't matter as you'd get the same advice from me regardless. You've four unhappy people in your household. Time to fix it or let it go. Five more years of this tit for tat crap? Seriously?

This has officially turned into BackPackGate.
It's been analyzed more than the Zapruder film...

Why chastise the OP for not calling others to go back and retrieve the stepchild's backpack? Why can't the skid's father go take care of this?

pffft who cares - SD and DH knows she should take her stuff out of your car, she did not... consequences....

SO always have to tell Aergia take you stuff from my car, she ignores him flat.... now he started dumping her stuff in the yard before he leaves.... he says, he told her and she's ignoring him..... I told him and she still does not care cause you just buy new stuff..... now he refuses to buy new stuff...

If I find her make up in the car, I simply keep quiet and I trash it, hide it under other trash.... she will ask if we have seen it, SO replies didn't you take it out....

I will never tell them I trashed it cause it will start war.... you simply should've kept quiet, pretended to forget about it..... say the car was empty lol

She knew what she was doing when she did it. She was irritated with AS when she did it and she didn't care if SD got it back.

You do the right thing because you love your husband. If you can't do that then you are hurting people including yourself and your own child.