You see DW? Saying "NO!" works!
This is one of those "I told you this MONTHS ago but you refused to listen" moments.
I’ve had repeated discussions with DW about enabling our children (specifically SS).
“Mommy? Can you do this for me?”
“Mommy? Can you help me?”
I’ve already grown accustomed to telling BS and BD “No. You’re a big boy/girl now! Do it yourself.”
SS has NEVER been told no. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told DW that she needs to say “No” to SS.
DW will often get recruited by SS to:
DW went out Saturday to go pick up some storage bins. I asked her to mail two letters for me. DW said “sure” and gladly took them. She returned two hours later. She had forgotten to mail them. She said she was terribly sorry and I said “No biggie. I can always do it myself .”
DW insisted on holding onto the letters, saying that she will go back out right now and mail them. I told her, that was completely unnecessary. Really, it was no big deal.
“Besides, I am not accustomed to asking others to do something for me that I can easily do myself.” I said.
“What do you mean by that!?” DW challenged.
“Uh…that I don’t - usually - ask other people to do stuff I can easily do myself…What did you think I mean?
DW just scoffed and said “Never mind.”
It only hit me later that she thought I was taking a stab at SS.
My “veiled jab” at SS must have borne fruit. Late last night, SS asked DW where his favorite shorts were. DW said that they were in the laundry pile waiting to be washed. SS asked DW if she could wash them now because he wanted to wear them to school.
DW said “No.” :jawdrop:
SS tried his usual pleading and whining. DW said no again, and that “if he wanted to wear his shorts *that* badly, he could go wash them himself.
And SS did! :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
DW was floored!
I was floored too. I mean, last time the subject of laundry came up, SS did not know which appliance was the washer and which was the dryer.
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Nah! I really wasn't. Even
Nah! I really wasn't. Even when I do want to make a subtle hint at something, I back off because DW has grown extremelly sensitive of late. I think the camping trip may have struck a nerve. In-laws were litteraly shocked at some of the sh*t SS pulls. I think one of them must have said something to her.
The thing is, BS and BD
The thing is, BS and BD hardly every ask for help with something. We often have to jump in to help them (like the other day BS climbed up onto the kitchen counter to get himself a bowl). Little BD wants to use a steak knife to cut her meat but she doesn't have the manual dexterity to handle a sharp object yet. So really, we don't have to say "No" to our kids often. The only time we say no is when we catch them doing things they are not supposed to be doing.
"At least you guys are doing
"At least you guys are doing that! It's amazing how many parents won't tell their children no about AN-Y-THING. Makes me sick."
^^^^THIS^^^^^
I'll NEVER forget the time we were in a big box hardware store and YSS (at the time stb 7) started pulling off.every.friggin.dial.and.knob off of the model appliances, then dropping them on the floor (can you say tripping hazard) IN PLAIN VIEW OF CHEF!!!
What did Chef do? Tell him to stop it and put those knobs back on? NOPE! He quietly started to "undo" what YSS had done; meekly putting them back on for him, yet not finishing without saying a WORD to precious poopsykins!!
I WISH Chef was that mild mannered and willing to overlook any "flaws" that I have; one of which is being FRUGAL (a SIN according to the book of Chef)
I forget how old your SS is.
I forget how old your SS is. I'm thinking he's younger than a tween?
I remember telling DH years ago to start saying "No" to SD19 so she could learn disappointment on a smaller scale. Also, so she could start learning to do things herself. SD19 was 14 at the time and was a bitch. I remember DH enabling her all of the time and I kept telling him, "You're creating a monster. Wait until she's 16 or 17."
Well, now the "Monster" is with us FT but thank goodness she's started college. Just the 4 months out of the year that she is actually under our roof is a nightmare! Stinking, rotten, entitled bitch.
I kept DH out shopping all day this past Saturday and SD19 had decided to come home Friday night. Saturday morning she kept asking what time we would be back, how long we would be. She was sick as a dog and there was no way I was sitting home with her all day. I remember DH answering her by asking, "Why do you want to know how long I'll be?" }:) }:)
SD19 is attached at the frikking hip. Go away already.
~ Moon
SS is 15 but he does have the
SS is 15 but he does have the needy-emotional mindset of a 5-year-old. Your shopping incident reminded me vividly of an incident that happened last year. DW and I went out shopping for a new dishwasher. BS and BD were away so SS was left home by himself.
An hour later DW recieves a text "Are you guys going to be much longer?"
DW replies that we will be approx another hour.
An hour passes and SS texts "When are you coming home?"
DW doesn't respond.
SS proceeds to blow up her phone with texts.
"Mom, I'm hungry."
"Mom? U there?"
"U guys have been gone 4ever!"
"I hear a noise!"
"Are you guys be home soon? Im freakin out!"
"Seriously! It sounds like someone is going to break in!"
That's when DW showed me the texts and suggested we return. I just shook my head and told DW to text SS back "Then call the cops if you're so scared."
So Tallboy is actually
So Tallboy is actually capable of working a washing machine? Are you sure he didn't just wet them in the sink and say they were clean? Because surely he couldn't be capable of doing normal chores of children his age without DW helping him.
Do you think it will last? Do you think she will start making him do more for himself? I swear I think parents that cater to their children's every need have no idea what victims they are creating for later life.
A while ago, I googled "age
A while ago, I googled "age appropriate chores" and got some pretty good hits. Of the standard chores list, SS is only capable of doing things half his age completely unassisted.
One of the things SS is "supposed" to be able to do is babysit. I wouldn't trust SS to babysit a turnip.
So realy, this laundry event of last night is like the splitting of the Red Sea.
MY BD11 can wash, dry, fold,
MY BD11 can wash, dry, fold, and iron laundry, push mow our yard, she helps me with cooking, dusting, and bathrooms. However when SD8 was there she couldn't even be bothered to wipe her ass let alone assist with household chores.
I really hope that DW will continue to "see the light" and once she starts making him do what he should have been doing all along, she will realize how much stress it takes off of her. She needs to learn she can't be everything for everyone AND we need to raise our kids in a way that when we're gone they can stand on their own two feet and feel confident they can handle it.
Scubed that is the problem,
Scubed that is the problem, all these kids turn out to be BM's and victims and mooch off the system and don't ever get that reality check they need. If parents would stop being scared to hurt their kids feelings and parent them the right way these kids would turn out better. I repeated that 1000 times to SO about SD8. I told him, each time you handle everything for her and all her problems you are showing her she doesn't have to work for anything, someone else will do it. She will turn out just like BM and mooch off the system and pop out babies by God only knows how many daddies. That would create the cricket and blank stare.
It's the whole "Nature VS
It's the whole "Nature VS Nurture" argument. SS has been "nurtured" way more than any other normal child and DW is starting to see some of the negative effects it is having. Will this make DW change parenting style? *shrug*. Amber said it best, it's like holding the rudder of a sailboat firm against a raging storm. The need for attention from this kid is CONSTANT. It will never abate. DW still jumps whenever SS asks for something and I do get up from time to time to grab DW and calmly sit her back down and tell SS to go do whatever it is he is asking for by his own damn self.
Remember what I told you a
Remember what I told you a while back, your DW needs to get SS off the titty and start parenting him or you are never going to get him out of your house! He will be 40 and DW will still be jumping up to make SS a sandwich while he plays Xbox on your couch!
Oh I remember! "On the titty"
Oh I remember! "On the titty" still has to be one of my favorite STalk catch-phrases!
Here's the thing. These
Here's the thing. These skids seem to have NO trouble in that department; are often sexually precocious (specifically the mini-wives) and can pro-create to wild abandon, only to raise yet another generation of precious poopsykin fee fees, aka uber EMO brats.
SS will have no need for sex.
SS will have no need for sex. Internet porn will provide all the "lizard brain" gratification that he needs while Mommy will provide all the emotional attachment he needs.
Yes, I have already seen the future (I have an aunt who has a 45-year-old son that still lives with her and that is what it is like)
Ha Ha We have a 50 year old
Ha Ha We have a 50 year old n'er do well who fancies himself as some sort of brainiac, yet still lives with his parents, never moved out other than a two week stint in his car, defaulted on all his student loans, can't keep a job for more than two years and is now angry that our dept will be taking over the IT portion of his dept, as he was the quasi ad hoc IT person there for the last two years (and gerry-rigged everything).
He told me that he has no job to go to, and he's quitting due to the company not meeting his list of demands. No one can stand him there either. He tried to scare them into thinking he was irreplaceable. He said his parents are "selling the place out from under him."
GAH!!!
It is....I love these small
It is....I love these small "moments of clarity".
Most of the time they are fleeting though....