My best friends are my family. I was a very late in life child, my mother wanted nothing to do with me. So needless to say I have a pretty non existent relationship with her. It is polite and distant. My dad who loved me and cared for me passed away many years ago.

When I met A 13 years ago we became fast friends. Her husband is like my brother, we are all very close. I became the god mother to her 3 children. And we spent every holiday together and most weekends we would get together. I ended my 27 yr marriage 3 yrs ago. To be honest for 9 of the 13 yrs I did everything for them. But the last 3 have been more about me. Me divorcing and moving on...dating etc.

Last week A and her husband told me that they were unhappy with my current situation. I have dated the love of my life now for 2 yrs. He has two children now 10 and 13.
They like my So but don't really like spending time with his kids. Not that they are bad, but they don't like sharing me with them.

What confused me is that over the last 2 yrs we have vacationed together spend the holidays together etc. That the dynamic of our relationship has change. Yes, they are right it has. But I am still me. I have not missed an event in my god kids lives. Even with all the "newness" in our lives.

I wrote this email to them and sent it.

A and T,
To answer your question, as to when am I going to marry SO, I am on the 9 yr plan of marriage but truthfully....not in any hurry. Maybe never. I know is sound probably odd to you but my thoughts have changed about marriage over the last few years.

A marriage licence does not make a committed relationship. Choices do. Many people have had a licence only to cheat themselves or find out they person they were married to did. I was married for 27 yrs. J lead a double life the whole time. Is that commitment? No just because I was married doesn't mean he was committed.

It is my choice not to marry |SO. I do not feel the need at this time in my life to go down that road again. Maybe someday? Who knows but for now I am happy the way things are. SO would love for me to change my mind.
Being in the position of "pseudo" step mother, has made me very aware that I lack experience, of life and divorce. I didn't have all the answers with my daughter and I still don't.

If I would have known that dating someone with a crazy ex and had small children would have brought this much drama into my life I might have chosen differently. Life does not come with a rule book, we get to choose. Sometimes we choose well, sometimes we choose poorly, and sometimes we have no idea what we are getting into until we have chosen. That would be me!
I have figured out a few things along the way. I am happy! How many people can say that. Do I have days of questioning, yes, Do I have days I wish the ex and the kids didn't cause a cloud, yes I do. But I am choosing. This is my design. I am deciding what my family looks like. My family consist of a crazy mix and I am blessed to have you and T in my life and my 3 beautiful god children
I am going to do what it best for me, I will not let others dictate what is acceptable in my life. That is crap. I did that for way to long. Being judgmental shows someone's lack of experience or intelligence. It is good to have an opinion sometimes they even hurt. But being judgmental has a "evil" spin on it. It is very negative I also know that the relationship I have now with you, T, SO, and my daughter may not be what I will have tomorrow or 10 yrs from now. Things change, people change. If you would have asked me 3 yrs ago if I could have pictured my life as it is now. I would have thought you had been smoking crack.
A you are my best friend but really you are my sister...not a bio sister but I chose you a long time ago. SO will tell you, the people I work with will tell you and my daughter will tell you, I believe you are my sister. Once again Families come in many different configurations.. Marriage doesn't make a family. I miss you all terribly it hurts. I don't Understand why you all have pulled away from me. I guess you need space. It is out of my control but it still hurts. I have experience a lot of loss over the last 3 yrs, friends, family, church, ministries, lifestyle, so many losses. I hate the fact that I have lost the closeness I had with you all.
My goal is to be happy as much as I can be, life is short. I know you may not understand. I love SO I think he is an amazing man, I know he is a great match for me, but I don't want to marry him. Be happy for me...I am doing the best I can with what I have. If I have failed you all in any way please forgive me and let me know how I can rectify it. I will fix it if I can. I value our friendship.
All My Love,
S

Sure things have changed. I finally have someone who loves me with all his heart. Who puts me first. They know what a piece of crap I was married to before. I expect them to be happy for me. I finally have what A has had all along. The kids all like each other and get along. My god kids even text me asking when we can all get together.

I am baffled by the fact they do not want to share me.(and it is the parents not the kids). I understand that for 9 yrs they had my undivided attention. Now they don't, but if my daughter who is 29, can embrace all this change shouldn't they be able to? Her whole world changed.

I told them I now have everything I ever wanted. I was sorry they couldn't be happy for me. But why can't they? They know how bad things were for me. They know how horrible the divorce was. If my daughter can adapt and change and is happy for me and loves and accepts SO and his kids, why can't they?

Have any of you gone through this? What would you all do?