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BM Lets SS9 Down, But What is Most Confusing is His Reaction... Opinions?

DTK's picture

So we have SS9 this weekend and he is in school basketball again this year. He has games every Sat., and he did not bring his jersey with him to school on Fri., and I picked him up from school. (His school is about 30 minutes away, his mom's place is now in a small meth town more than 45 minutes away). So BM promised to bring his jersey into town yesterday afternoon and leave it at her parents' house. We go to BM's parents house last night, and no jersey.

So DH texts her "The jersey isn't @ your parent's house, I assume you are bringing it in before his game in the am, correct??" And she texts back "Yes." So this morning we get to the game and SS9 REFUSED to go in and warm up because he didn't have his jersey yet. He was just wearing an Underarmor T and his shorts, I think he was feeling self-conscious because the Underarmor shirt was a bit too small and clingy, and he's gotten a bit chubby this year (thanks to BM's awesome diet - french fries, mac and cheese, and McDonalds, BM is pickier than her son!!).

The game begins and SS9 is still outside the gym doors and refuses to go in. DH calls BM, she apologizes and says she's still at her house (WTF???) and that she can be there in 45 minutes. By that time the game would be almost over! Coach says SS9 can play without a jersey of course, but SS9 REFUSES to even step into the gym!

So I escort SS9 back out to the car. DH comes back out and gets in the car, and tries to talk SS9 into going in regardless of not having his jersey. SS9 proclaims he "I HATE Mom, she's a stupid idiot!!" We calm him down and explain that sometimes things happen, and you can't hate someone for simply having a hard time getting places. (Her transportation situation is very bad, her car broke down yesterday).

So we head home and 5 minutes later... "Can I go to Mommy's??" WTF?? He was crying mad at her and calling her names... 5 minutes later he wants to ditch us on DH's weekend? We told him no, that's not an option.

BM sent this really long text to DH telling him to tell SS9 that after she dropped him off at school yesterday her car broke down and she sat on the side of the road crying for an hour before anyone could pick her up. UGH! DH obviously didn't tell SS9 that, he doesn't need to hear about how pathetic his mom is any more than he already witnesses.

She came and picked him up a little over an hour ago to give him a "surprise" and take him out to lunch. He will come back to us this evening (DH told BM not to let SS9 talk her into letting him go back with her, we've already had many abbreviated weekends with SS9 because of this).

So what are your opinions on this behavior from SS9? I've already had the feeling for quite some time that judging by what I've observed from BM, she enmeshes SS9 and manipulates him with her emotional drama. Why would he have a fit about how much he "hates" her and how mad he is one minute, then want to ditch us and go back to her house the next?

Comments

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

"i hate her" = normal outburst from kid whose frustration tolerance has been reached, and who is angry and disapointed
"i want mommy" = guilt at having had normal reaction (anger directed at mother)

all this = kid needs to see a therapist

Kilgore SMom's picture

I can see the writing on the wall. Poor Bm, she guilts him into to feeling sorry for her. So even when he does get mad at her , he just feels that much worst. DH shouldn't have let ss go eat lunch with BM on his time. Sounds like ya'll did right thing by letting him know that people do have problems that can be out of their control. But if this type of thing happens alot I would not make excuses for BM to much.

Jsmom's picture

Agreed! Their mistake was letting him go. It was their time, not hers. As for the jersey. Buy another one and keep it at your house. We had to do that for Soccer...Saved the hassle of BM being inept.