Diabla26 is in the vicinity
We just recieved word that SD26 is staying nearby our city tonight. She's driving here from BM's neighboring state. SD will be housesitting in a neighboring town until sometime in July.
She tends to act coy, smugly withholding her itinerary from DH. I am not sure what makes her think that we care about her schedule? Who cares, but it does show what a punishing b*tch she is to DH. BM was the same and taught her to be like this.
She already invited just DH to go to an event with her. I don't care as long as I don't have to go. She chose an event that she knows I wouldn't be interested in. It's just a day visit, no big deal. I don't think she understands that now that YSD & OSD are adults, DH and I are not trying to do things together as a family anymore. I'm not playing their childish games.
After her last intrusion, aka visit, she said she's not coming to our house anymore because I told her that she can't boss me around in my own home. *ROFL* *yahoo* *dance4*
I'm pretty sure that once she realizes that it's impossible to cause any drama between DH and I from afar that she will be back. I predict she will try to stir the pot and cause drama.
If I have to deal with her I will recognize and release. My goal is to avoid involvement in the dysfunction and stay disengaged. I see it for what it is but I do not have to get emotionally invested or upset. I can chose to observe and let it go.
- Elea's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
For the most part, being in
For the most part, being in the disengaged emotionally detached place of observation is like magic. We do it for ourselves, our wellbeing and our sanity, but I know it also drives diabla/o types nuts. lol. SS went as far as to tell DH that I was "passive," hinting that I could be taken advantage of/pushed around (I was not reacting to bs at all -- I have perfected the "go blank" face). I thought that was pretty amusing since SS had at one time called me a barracuda (I smiled).
Days after he made the passive comment (which I didn't know about until later) I did lose it and dropped a few F bombs. DH was a few days out of the hospital and not fully mobile, I still had to work--had an exhausting project that I could not get out of--and I came home from an hour's drive to find the skids (who were here to "help") sprawled out in the living room snoozing . . . no food prepped for DH. . .heat turned up high and windows open, etc. I had heard DH the previous day asking SS for water repeatedly with SS ignoring him. Neither skid would take "the night shift" with DH, so I was completely exhausted. No, the F bombs weren't my best moment, not disengaging at all, but well-deserved and it felt damn good. Skids acted scared of me after that. lol.
Good luck with the SDiabla toxicity in the air. Wrap yourself up, get out the repellant, and relax! And if that doesn't work, scare her. *diablo*
!!!
No, the F bombs weren't my best moment, not disengaging at all, but well-deserved and it felt damn good. <---This!!!
About 3 years ago, I called my sister the 'B-word'. In front of people too! She was being awful, I quietly said "You are such a B----!", just looked at her, and then got up and walked away. No further engagement in her nonsense. I couldn't believe it came out of my mouth. Yes, it did feel good! I really beat myself up over my loss of self control though.
When I told my therapist about it, she asked if she was being one? Yes, she certainly was! She told me that people know me and if I said it, that it really had to have had a big impact. "Just let it go. Don't beat yourself up. But don't make a habit of it because it will lose it's impact." I had never said that to anyone before..or since. I doubt I ever will.
Does this mean I got in the mud? Not really sure? I didn't engage in her BS. I just calmly called out what I saw and removed myself from her ugly, dysfunctional nonsense.
she said she's not coming to
she said she's not coming to our house anymore because I told her that she can't boss me around in my own home.
Who said she'll ever receive a invite? If she knocks on the door, dad steps outside, spraying her with holy water.
"she said she's not coming to
"she said she's not coming to our house anymore because I told her that she can't boss me around in my own home."
SDiabla, can I get that in writing and notarized pretty please?
DH still wants to keep an
DH still wants to keep an open door policy. We're not at the point where she is banned, yet. Right now she claims that she is removing herself so I don't feel I need to worry about it unless something changes. If she does start coming around again, and acts rude then I have no problem changing the rules.
Yes!
If I have to deal with her I will recognize and release. My goal is to avoid involvement in the dysfunction and stay disengaged. I see it for what it is but I do not have to get emotionally invested or upset. I can chose to observe and let it go. <---This!!!
Elea, I love your mindset! This is so healthy! Yay for you! I am wondering, if your husband brings up one of the diablas, do you offer a benign comment and change the subject?
Typically a benign comment
Typically a benign comment satisfies DH and he moves on. What I have to guard against is my own impulse to ask questions. Unless I really need to know. I am trying to not ask even the most basic questions such as this morning I almost asked, "What time are you leaving to see SD?" but then I thought better of it. I actually have a very busy day today and don't care. If he doesn't volunteer the info then there is no need for me to put my limited energy into communicating about something that has no importance to me.