SDiabla28
SD28 Is still hanging around our house. It sounds like she will be headed out of here in a few days.
She's is acting ok, I would say significantly better than past tantrums but even when she isn't being horrible she still annoys me. It really is best for me to remove myself from being around her whenever practical.
She talks primarily to DH. Her go to topics of conversation are about people and events that happened prior to our relationship, BM or about her friendship with people that chose to be "neutral" by ditching both BM and/or DH. She also likes to "help" DH with things that I really would rather her stay out of and should be between a couple, not a couple and a kid, bio or step.
Yesterday she gave DH a big dish of leftovers that she somehow ended up with. It was still edible, as far as I could tell, but asthetically less than fresh to look at and overall unappealing. SD's have a history of bringing gross leftovers from BM's house to our holiday dinners. Now that BM no longer lives nearby this seems to be OSD's version 2.0. SDiabla mentioned that she brought said leftovers to a friend's family's dinner that she was invited to and they turned it down. Lol!
In most cases I find bringing leftovers to a dinner party to be extremely rude. It's actually rude to bring any type of dish unless it has been requested. Bring a gift for the host, not a dish that may or may not go with the dinner that has been generously planned and prepared. I hope other people help SD get the hint that she's being rude.
- Elea's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Yuck. I'd rather someone
Yuck. I'd rather someone brought a bag of chips. Taking leftovers to the friend's family's dinner is cheap and (possibly) unsanitary. *bad*
SDiablas are oblivous for
SDiablas are oblivous for several reasons:
1. BM is an unsanitary slob
2. BM pushed SD's to bring nasty leftovers to our house and re-gift wilted flowers
3. OSD has decided that it is "environmentally friendly" to do gross things and she taught YSD to copy her.
Some examples that one or both do under the guise of "going green" are:
infrequent showers - no shaving - no garbage can liners - flush cat poo down the toliet - reuse ugly and worn gift wrap, ribbons and bags - no use of paper napkins or kleenex, they'd rather wipe their hands on their own clothing - bringing leftovers to dinner parties and so on. You get the picture. They have no idea how ignorant they are of actual scientifically proven ways of helping the environment.
Nasty is as nasty does.
Regifting old food. Wonderful.
The regifting used items thing taken to a truly disgusting level.
Not much longer, Elea!
Possibly, the gifting of leftovers is something that the elder Diabla learned at her mama’s knee. Since she’s brought such items to your home in the past (and continues to do so), she may think that she’s performing a good deed? For interest’s sake, you should ask your DH if, in the past, his ex-wife donated her second-hand edibles to those family and friends who hosted dinners.
Poor you, Elea! Fish and company.....
ETA: Your previous posts suggest that elder Diabla is not the type of woman to ‘get the hint’. Rather, she’d need to be hit over the head with a copy of Emily Post’s, ‘Etiquette’.
"elder Diabla is not the type
"elder Diabla is not the type of woman to ‘get the hint’. Rather, she’d need to be hit over the head with a copy of Emily Post’s, ‘Etiquette’." Haha! thanks for the laugh grannyd
You are absolutely correct. This is apple not falling far from the tree behavior. When we used to pick up SD's to take them to DH's family gatherings, BM shoved half-dead bouquets, with the vase wrapped in obviously reused gift paper and ugly ribbons, into SD's hands for us to bring as a hostess "gift" to our holiday gathering. It made me so mad that DH didn't take those wilted flowers and shove them right back into BM's personal space but alas ... He didn't want to cause a scene in front of the Diablas or some such nonsense justification for putting up with more sh*t.
She talks primarily to DH.
She talks primarily to DH. Her go to topics of conversation are about people and events that happened prior to our relationship, BM . . . .
Ditto. This is purposeful behavior. It is not innocent reminiscing. It's to make the SM the outsider, to put us in our so-called place. You know life existed wonderfully before we came along. lol. It was ALWAYS this way with my SD. She learned it from her mother, who, when I first met her, rambled on and on about her and DH's travels back in the day. She'd look at DH and say, "Remember when. . . . " These people...sigh. "Remember when you weren't a crazy bitch? Neither do I." heh heh.
Yesterday she gave DH a big dish of leftovers that she somehow ended up with. . . SD's have a history of bringing gross leftovers from BM's house to our holiday dinners.
Oh hell no! That is a way of them lifting their leg and marking your territory with the horrid scent of the BM. What is the matter with these people!?
SDiabla mentioned that she brought said leftovers to a friend's family's dinner that she was invited to and they turned it down. Lol!
Lovely. SMH.
100% purposely behavior! BM
100% purposely behavior! BM used to send the kids "time hops" of pics from when her and SO were married. She started this when skids were young. The 1st time I had any convo with BM she told me "SO is my besstttttt frienddddd!!"
Flash forward 9 years later and I would die on this hill that the reason SS21 and I got to where we are is because of BM blaming me for basically "breaking up" their friendship and I "ruined" everything.
SS21 doesn't bring up past things much from back in the day from when SO was married to BM.. but the idea of BM constantly talking about the past and STILL (know this because of SD17) blaming me for (in my words) losing her control over SO.
Same deal here. BM left ALL
Same deal here. BM left ALL the family photos with DH when she pissed off to live in her own place. She bitched and moaned to SDiablas about how DH and I don't display the failed family photos properly and DH has "other prioritites" besides them. If these photos mean so much to you byatch then you should have kept them. Recently YSD told DH that before the divorce BM would tell SD's that if the house is on fire they should grab the family photos. DH cooly replied, "And yet they are still here." I relished the rare moment of reality check for SD. Lol Also, what type of Mother doesn't tell her kids to GET OUT if there is a fire? If she wants to risk her life for family photos fine but telling your kids to do it??? Sh*t parent all around
Family photos. I was somewhat
Family photos. I was somewhat taken aback a very long time ago when DH and I traveled together to see the skids and went into BM's house. I get a parent not wanting to "disappear" the other parent, but BM's collection of family photos (with DH in them) all over her foyer walls struck me as pretty damn weird. There was such a fantasy back then that they were an intact family or, I think, that DH would soon be returning and all would be well (although BM was the one who cheated and ended the marriage). They used to invite him for all holidays, too. I think I ruined that as well. lol.
I also ruined the playing
I also ruined the playing happy family illusion. They were following a nesting style custody arrangement which basically entailed DH going over there in the evenings after working a real job all day to do the duties of a primary parent, homework helper, make dinner while stay-at-home, lazy BM went out to do as she pleased. Then she would return, bitch at DH in front of SD's and he would leave to come back for more the next day. So stupid to have an arrangement like that with a toxic BM. By the time I came along it was time for the insanity to end anyway but I am sure it was still my fault somehow in BM & SD's mind.
I do not display any photos of my shitty ex. No idea why anyone would do that.
"Nesting", yeah. My SO tried
"Nesting", yeah. My SO tried to tell me that BM2 only came to his house and cooked and hung out when he wasn't there. At first, i tried to accept that. I had heard of that arrangement, where the kids don't have to move houses but the parents move around on a scheduled basis. Sounds good on paper. But i realized that wasn't happening at all.
BM2 was just coming and going as she pleased, taking the kids with her when she pleased for however long she wanted and always last minute. When i would come over those first few months to see SO, half the time she was already there, "just leaving", though SO had been there all night and day. SO and I cooked a meal for SD's birthday and we were sitting down to eat, me, SO, his 2 boys from BM2, and one of his daughters from BM1. BM2 just walks in whike we are eating and starts to take bites off the kids' plates. Again, i tried to greet her and she ignored me, except to point at a dish while pushing past me saying "I bought that. It's mine." I got up and left and that was the last time i tried to talk to her.
I told him he can be in the house with her or me but not both of us and if they were spending time as a "family" on a regular basis, this relationship wasn't for me. He swore that she only ramped up coming over when he was there after he and I started dating because she was "curious" about me. Bullshit. If she were, she would have spoken to me the times i tried to introduce myself instead of treating me like a non-person. She was marking her territory and showing me that she was the woman of that house.
TBH, lately i've been reflecting on what was wrong or missing inside me that i didn't just walk away instead of fighting for so long to make things "normal." Why didn't i value myself enough to protect myself from the pain and drama? There are now finally boundaries with her but what it took to get them was really toxic. I don't like who i became. It would have made a lot more sense to say "thanks but no thanks."
If you guys want a good laugh
If you guys want a good laugh. SO and BM separated in 2011.. divorce final in 2012.. shortly after divorce SO took her back for the kids..she cheated with someone she worked with at the time that's why they divorced.
In between their separation and divorce she was seeing a guy from CA. We live in CT. She must have met him online.. SO stayed in martial home and LET the boyfriend use HIS driveway for storing his stuff. SO says the guy was nice but stupid LOL.
They break up BM moves back in with SO. That lasted a month I'm told by both of them.
BM convinced CA guy to move BACK!! SO let her stay in the house WHILE dating CA guy AGAIN!! She literally flew to CA to see while not having a place of her own yet!!
He moved back.. they get a place.. the break up again HAHA. Not sure how long they were back together couldn't have been long. She's been with her current husband for over 10 years.
I remember BM telling me that SOs live in GF prior to me (which I found out from BM not SO because she had diarrhea of the mouth when I was "cool" with her) didn't like the fact that SO used decorations BM bought that were still in martial home for the holiday SO was with this woman. WELL I WONDER WHY BM??!?
It is CRAZY to me that these women think that because they married and had kids with someones that all aspects of their ex husbands lives should have something to do with them. Loony tunes.
The enmeshment (I didn't know that was a thing until I came to this site) that was happening when I first met him and for the few years after was wild. So many stories.
WTF did your SO let her keep coming back and supporting
her F-Buddy of the moment in any way?
Yes, BM is scum. But why TF was your SO supporting any of this crap, over, and over, and over again?
Why do you give a shit about
Why do you give a shit about what is in BM's or the shit spawn's minds?
A different context but yes,
A different context but yes, it is weird. I ran into my XILs when I changed offices with my then company about 10 years after the divorce from their serially adulterous eldest DD. My XW was their middle of three.
I was exiting a restaurant when they were entering. My then new office was in their suburb and a relatively few miles from their home. They invited me over for coffee when they finished their lunch. I did decide to swing by their house that afternoon before heading home from work. I pulled up to their home. XFIL was trimming trees in their yard. As i got out of my car he stopped, pulled out a handkerchief and and started dabbing tears from his cheeks. He still had issues with their DD and her violation of Church rules by remarrying without obtaining an annulment and continuing to take communion while violating some of the tennets of their religion. He took me in and my XFIL, XMIL, and I had a brief catch up over coffee. I hate coffee BTW. Their house was basically a shrine to the wedding when their DD and I married. XW's bridal portrait was on their family room wall. Several framed wedding photos of me and my XW were on the family room built in shelves. It was like Alfred Hitchcock movie wierd. No pics of her OOWL kids or her her second DH who was also the geriatric Fortune 500 sugar/baby daddie she was knocked up by while we were married.
It was like a shrine to delusion.
Oh, yea. I'm the reason BM
Oh, yea. I'm the reason BM and DH are no longer friends. I'm the reason DH isn't part of the family anymore (as they envisioned it). I ruined everything. Waaaaah.
These pitiful formerly
These pitiful formerly enmeshed exes do that. Food is a common tool. My SO and his ex were also enmeshed before I came along and i had to be the "bad guy" for refusing to live like the bottom rung sister wife. BM2 would actually come to SO's house and cook food when we first started dating. I tried to introduce myself to her and be friends at first (lol but i was trying to be cool and modern i guess.) She gave me a dirty look and didn't reply, just pushed past me and kept rummaging in the kitchen. Several times as i tried again thinking maybe she just didn't hear me talking. When SO stopped letting her do that, she started coming by and dropping food off. When he told her to stop doing that, she sent food with the kids and even gave food to SO's family members, instructing them to bring it to SO's house and put it in his fridge for her.
These psychos are definitely marking their territory. I am no longer cool, or modern, or tolerant of any of them anymore. You know how comic book villains always have an "origin story?" What happened to them to make them the bad guy? That's mine lol.
Yep, the psychological
Yep, the psychological warfare toxic women play is no joke. DH bought BM out of the house but she still claimed our house belongs to her, even after he helped her buy her own house! She showed up uninvited and unannounced several times. She is jumpy and easily intimidated so all I had to do was give her my best death stare a few times and she stopped popping in and then moved to a remote, rural area with bad weather. Lol bye bye
She has to be the most entitled, undeserving ingrate I have ever encountered up close.
Too funny!
Mia, your comment:
"Remember when you weren't a crazy bitch? Neither do I."
hit my funnybone like a speeding Mac truck. I'm still giggling, 5 minutes later; it also gave my DH a chuckle. I swear, some of the best laughs that I enjoy in life come from StepTalk!
Ugh. Leftovers. When SO and I
Ugh. Leftovers. When SO and I had been dating maybe a month, he brought me food to my house. I didn't like it but was trying to be polite so i pretended to. He beamed and said "BM made this for me last week!" I put my fork down and told him i wasn't hungry anymore. Now anytime i see leftovers in his fridge i ask who made them.
And yes, i realize how fk'd up that is. I'm realizing a lot now that i have more time on my hands since my kids are both away at school.
Oh Rumplestiltskin, how awful
Oh Rumplestiltskin, how awful. I think I would have vomited on cue.
I know what you mean about realizing a lot once you have time on your hands. Isn't it amazing how much one puts up with when one has to? Now that my kids are functional adults I have so much freedom. Everything is becoming clear.
I love DH but I am SO glad that DH and I didn't have "our" children. When my children were young they needed structure and routines that tied me down at home with evening homework routines and cooking during SD's visits. I am so enjoying just making myself scarce at dinner time or anytime and letting SD and DH figure it out.
Yesterday DH and I had a late lunch so we didn't need dinner. By the time SD came sniffing around I was on a work zoom. She had to fend for herself. This of couse should not be a problem for a functional 28 y/o. I used to go out of my way to make sure they were well-taken care of while visiting. The contrast between my hospitality towards them and DH's is obvious. BM is fake enthusiastic but she is too selfish to pamper anyone except for herself.
As SM's we are damned if we do and damned if we don't so we may as well do as we please. When I cooked SD's delicious meals they were resentful. They liked to make snotty comments about the meal. It reminds them that BM doesn't measure up. Now that I stopped cooking they are angry that I am not catering to them. They like to be punishing and I have cut off one avenue of punishment. The last time YSDiabla was here she kept quietly making snotty comments to DH that she wasn't sure if she could eat the food I was preparing. (She is on some weird special diet due to getting parasites.) It is so incredibly rude and presumptuous to think I am cooking a special meal just for you SD. By the time she left she got the message. The open pantry has closed lady.
Dh has been offering SD a McMuffin type premade sandwich from the freezer for breakfast every. single. day. Lol The kind that make you queezy after eating it. I used to make pancakes, eggs, bacon, fresh potatoes, french toast, crepes, the whole nine yards. No more. I'm eating healthier and I don't have kids to feed so no more 5 star breakfast SD.
Parasites? Ok, i think she
Parasites? Ok, i think she may be watching too much TikTok. There is a movement on there that says everyone needs to take anti-worm pills and follow a "parasite cleanse" diet. For some reason now that we live in the most sanitary time in human history, we all have parasites.
If she truly was tested and parasites were found (by a reputable lab), i will stand corrected. I actually did get a tapeworm once but it was after i had tried to make sushi out of fish i caught in a lake (this was a loooong time ago!)
Idk, it sounds like they use food as a means of control and drama. That is actually very common in steplife. My SO's nieces had the cops called on them by their stepmom because they started throwing dishes and breaking things when their dad wouldn't get them Chik fil a for the 10th time that week.
Nothing medical is every run
Nothing medical is every run by me even though I am often have more knowledge about medical issues than anyone else in the family. I have no idea if actual tests confirmed YSD has parasites. I blogged on ST about it awhile back but I think I deleted it.
I think she likely does have parasites because she went to a 3rd world country and came back with explosive diarrhea via airplane. I can't imagine how bad that day was.
YSD is the type to think that the rules don't apply to her and she has poor hygiene. She probably drank the water, ate fresh produce, didn't wash her hands and then scratched her butt.
What in the unchecked mental
What in the unchecked mental illness! I would probably throw up if somebody showed up to my house with their mankey left over grossness and tried to have me serve it to other people.
It's time someone told her
It's time someone told her that even if her food looked appealing, you couldn't serve it because the cold chain had been broken and it would be a health hazard. Also, due to that, next time she should just keep her leftovers for herself.
Food doesn't do well when it fridge-hops.
No telling how long it was in
No telling how long it was in her car. Then another fridge. Then in her car again. Or how many bites she took out of the serving dish. Ew.
In a past life, I took
In a past life, I took Macrobiology and one of the things we were learning about was how quickly things grow on and in food.. even if the food looks and tastes fine.
One of the things that drives me absolutely bonkers is the "office potluck" thing.
Our department has a holiday meal. Everyone either must bring in a dish.. or contribute a nominal amount.. and then the department has someone pick up some main items and sides.. like a couple of turkeys.. a Ham and potato salad etc.. you get the drift.
So, first.. I am not a fan of eating random food from someone's home where I don't know what their food safety is like. My ex MIL left soups on the stove and just heated as she wanted a bowl.. yuck.. or animals.. or other unsanitary environment issues.
second, this food is prepared.. and even if properly stored at home.. makes the commute with the worker so is not refrigerated for 30 minutes.. an hour? Then sits in the office.. fridge hopefully.. until it is brought out.. if it's a warm item.. it's likely just plugged into the outlet before eating.. again.. no guarantee it stayed at a good temp.
Then it all sits out with no chafing dishes (unless a crock pot came along).. for 4-5 hours... so like the turkey and purchased sides.. just sit out in foil pans!
Then at the end of that day.. someone packs it into the fridge and brings it back out to sit for another half a day the NEXT day.
After the 4th day of seeing the same stuff being pulled out.. I threw it away.. I told the person that there was no way this was safe after being left to sit out at room temp for probably 15 or more hours at that point!
so.. yuck.
I am 100% sure that SD has a
I am 100% sure that SD has a poor grasp on food safety measures. I grew up surrounded by scientists including my Mom. I grew up in a culture of cleanliness. SD's are quite the shock to the system for me. They can't even wash a dish properly. SD has been "washing" her dishes by hand. Her "clean" dishes are still dirty with bits of food and grease stuck to them. I have to take them off my clean drying rack and put them into the dishwasher. I have no idea why someone who can't wash dishes by hand worth sh*t insists on washing dishes by hand when we have a dishwasher. She's just not very bright in so many ways.
Did you see on the news
Did you see on the news recently where a work potluck somewhere in Maryland sent about 40 people to the hospital? yea.
Two woman can’t live in the same house
Who needs leftovers. ? I don't want others people's left overs. I rather cook.
'I'm not a big happy family person. Where the ex the one my wife sleep with. Is invited Sunday dinner blood blood style. Wife only has only needed contact with the ex. To day that will be by text. That are saved, They were in love.. May not be able to live together but once in love always in love.
Discussion on that ? So no ex, no ex's leftovers. SD Is playing games to upset you. She knows the score. She wants the ex's crap. Fine ...... woukd not cook for her