Step daughter not want to come over?
I have just read a few posts on here and can't believe your stories or so similar to ours?! I have an 8yr old stepdaughter who I have known for 7 years and she lives about an hour from us. We see her every other weekend and recently she has decided she doesn't always want to come over. We think her mum puts her under alot of pressure as she has no one else in her life and lets her sleep in her bed, stay up late watching movies etc. She uses my sd as her company? We can't do this in our house as we other 2 other little ones and believe children need routine. She cries when she does not get her own way and if she is not the centre of attention will demand her dads, grandmas attention in other ways. All we have ever done is give give give. Her brother and sister idolise her but she just seems to have no emotion or desire to enjoy her time away from her bio mum. Her mum always does fun stuff in the day before she comes to us and then promises fun stuff for when she goes home. What do we do as this hurts and we can't follow her mums rules in our house? She is under alot of pressure from bio mum who tells her about their financial status and how daddy doesn't give her enough money (we give the exact amount) and how she cries when she is at work (as a carer) when people die etc. My sd has the weight of the world on her shoulders and we just want to help, let her be a little girl and enjoy family life.
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When SD was about 7, she
When SD was about 7, she basically stopped coming for visition. BM always made plans for DH's time and we haven't spoken to SD in almost 8 years now. When she would come, SS was basically her care giver, she wouldn't ask DH or myself for anything, she always went thru her brother. It was very hard to watch SS basically spend every weekend babysitting SD.
DH has tried to contact her and basically she ignores him. It doesn't help that BM has raised her to view her SF as her dad and everyone in their small town thinks that SF is her real dad. DH finally had to do what was best for our home and his sanity. He stopped pursuing his visitation and let her go with the hope that at some time in the future she will come out from under her mother's thumb. I don't think it will happen but who knows.
In hindsight - I pushed DH to pursue BM in court and he didn't want to put the kids thru that. DH had custody of SS and BM got SD. So basically he has little contact with SS who is now in college and was actually served with paperwork to terminate his parental rights to SD so she could change her name for her driver's license so no one in their small town would know the truth.
In my opinion, if there is an
In my opinion, if there is an order for visitation/parenting time, your DH should file for contempt ASAP. The sooner the better, to keep your presence familiar to her. Let the judge know that BM is discussing adult issues with the child & that she's not following the order to allow your DH his time with his daughter. I say the sooner the better because my DH waited to file for contempt, & it made it harder for the kids to want to come back. They got used to being away from him. You don't want to wait for your SD to reach that point to start fighting it. It sounds like BM is alienating your SD from her dad, & the longer it goes on the harder it will be to battle. My DH hasn't see his kids in a year-and-a-half because he waited to long to act.
Discuss your concerns with a lawyer. Talk to them about the adult matters. Talk to them about BM not allowing your DH to have his court-ordered time.
Probably around 13-years old, she'll want to spend more time doing girl stuff with her mom & her friends. She'll begin to pull that way on her own at that point. Your DH needs to spend what time he can with her until she reaches that point.
She deserves to feel happy without the stress of her mother's issues on her.