Background:

NCP BM lives in another state, she doesn't see SS more than 30 days a year. She usually gets "some" summer time and one week at the end of the year for her parenting time. (Not per court order, but more of her own choice. She is supposed to see her sone at least once a month for a weekend, but we all know how that works.) BM has no legal custody of SS.

This week:

Out of blue BM sent emails to DH saying she's coming to town for a week (next week) and is going to "check" on the environment SS is in. (Including school, after school, and I think she wants to check out our home too because she kept asking our address-- which we have given her TWO YEARS ago)

For the starter, she works somewhat like a receptionist at a clinic part-time, so it's unlikely she's here for a business trip. We don't know why she's here, but it's not like we're not going to let her see her son when she's here. Things just getting weird when she kept demanding SS' IEP saying we must be saying shiet about her in his IEP (We have sent it, and she decided not to read--probably because there are 33 pages. And of course we are not talking about her in SS' IEP. The IEP is about SS, not his mom, at all.). After her rant got ignored (we don't engage in crazy acts), she started asking our address (which she has in her email) and saying she wants to have dinner with ss and "the family." We don't know if she thinks we will invite her to our home and treat her a meal, but for sure that's not happening lol. DH told her she wants to have a dinner with her son is totally fine, she just need to pick a place and time and he will drop the kid off. 

And that is when she said DH's ex will tag along for that dinner.

DH has not been in touch with that specific ex ever since I met him. She, on the other hand, has been trying to contact him even after we were married (never bothers us though, we just ignore her) saying she missed his son and dog. This is coming from a woman who would intentionally exclude SS for every family activities for the 3 or so years they were together (why DH abided her rule back then I don't know). I mean at some degree I understand...if I get to choose I don't want to go EVERYWHERE with SS either, but I have never excluded him on family trips no matter how much I personally don't want SS to tag along. This is also the woman whose dad came all the way from another state to vandalize our home that we don't own. (Thankfully our landlord is very nice and didn't kick us out) Her dad also went on to vandalize DH's work and got caught on the camera. (he's been charged, just not arrested yet, because he's in another state)

I never want get involve whatever the parenting plan goes (although I do have to pick up the slack of taking care of the child on daily basis). But now that I know two crazy women are coming our way and might just go do whatever they feel like even after DH told BM if she decided to involve that ex, SS will not be joining her mother-son dinner. I wonder if I will see two crazy women show up on my doorstep when I head out to drop the kids to school. :/ I wonder what my options are :/ I have a daughter my own and I do not want her to be harm in anyway.

And if that even matters, I met DH 7 years after his divorce with BM, 1 year after his breakup with this specific ex. I am absolute not the reason of why those relationships didn't work.

What do you guys think?