My weekend started off with a phone call while I was on my way home.
DH- Can you pick up some jumbo size marshmellows?
Me- Why on earth would I do that.
DH- Because that's dPPP favorite desert.
Me- Really? Marshmellows? That's what you and Inbred are raising her on?
DH- Would you please just pick up a bag?
Oh sure, because nothing is more thrilling then stopping at the grocery store on a Friday at 5 when you just want to get home. But, her royal heiness is coming, must drop everything to please her.
6pm, finally home. I was just about to do my kickboxing...something that I need before I look upon the royal face and the tear soaked faces of the others. When I get a text message. What are you cooking for dinner? Well, my kids are at their dads, I am cooking nothing. Question is what are you cooking?
Long story short I ended up cooking for DH and four asshats that never have anything but whinning for me about my cooking. Great start to my weekend. So I cook, nothing fancy but it's not loaded with greese, fat, sugar, or cheese so of course it's crap. I am greeted with what is that horrible smell? Ah, dPPP, that is your dinner.
It's not like a slaved all afternoon over a steaming pot and blistering oven for this meal, but I did take time out of my life to prepare and cook it, I know a thank you from these four is asking way to much from the universe but I would imagine asking them to at least not complain about it through out the entire meal isn't too much to ask for.
I imagined that...I was wrong. When will I learn.
Before I continue let me explain a rule that I have. It is a house rule and any who enter this house must abide by it. There is a desert. Sometimes simple things like grahm crackers sometimes I bake extravagance, today we had jumbo marshmellows. However, if your plate is not cleaned of all the dinner, and yes that includes the vegtables because I'm a heartless bitch; you do not get desert. There is no ifs ands or buts about it.
So as usual, every one has been done with dinner for about 30 minutes now. All except Redface Magee and dPPP. Who are almost in tears because they think the green beans on their plate are alien life forms come here to take their souls and infest them with alien cootys.
Now we're at 45 minutes.
I've only done this one other time. It was with BS9 when he was 5. And let me tell you, if done right you will only have to use this once for it is the most cruel thing you can do to a fragile young mind. Tread carefully for this is not for the faint of heart. And remember, with power over the pantry comes great responsibilty.
Me- Ok, I'm calling it. They get nothing else tonight. It's rediculous that every one has had to wait this long for damn green beans. Nope, Sir Tearsalot, SS7 come and get your marshmellow.
Darling Princess Pisspants and Redface Magee sat there, with looks of horror on their face.
I gave one to Sir Tearsalot and SS7, I ate one and so did DH. Then I took the bag of marshmellows, closed it, and put it in my room. Not even DH knew where I put it.
Redface Magee finally finished his food, but no, I'm sorry you took too long and marshmellow time was over.
dPPP she tried to be sneaky about it. But when I threw away an empty soda can I saw her food there in the trash. She may have gotten away with it had this not happened before and had she not thrown the plate and fork in the trash with it.
dPPP- I want a smarshmellow.
Me- Well, you're not getting one, not only were you sitting there for almost an hour complaining and making everyone miserable you're a liar. You didn't eat.
I showed DH the food on the plate in the trash. Of course here comes tears and I calmly reminded him of how much he detests when the kids lie to him. Then I informed dPPP that she is not two. Learn how to say it correctly or you'll never get one over here.
Redface Magee threw his plate at me. It missed me and shattered on the floor behind me.
DH- What the hell is the matter with you?
RM- I don't like green beans and I want a smarshmellow.
Oh awesome, they all speak baby. Not a good language to be fluent in IMO
So, Redface and dPPP...what do you think DH did?
Sent them to bed. No spanking for throwing a dish at me. No consequence other than sleep for lieing and breaking a dish. I was ever so pissed.
Now this I've never used on any one, but if I did it right I'll never have to do it again. I will admit, this was majorly bitchy on my part.
I took Sir Tearsalot and SS7 into my room and split the marshmellows between them. I even made it a game. Who ever eats all theirs gets to play xbox first tomorrow. They scarfed them down with a quickness you only see in movies. But within five minutes all marshmellows were removed from our house.
I sent them to their father then and went to bed. I guess the sugar crash didn't come quickly as DH didn't make it to bed until well after midnight.
DH- I guess they were just excited to be here.
Me- Yes, that's it. (sinister lauph in my head)
The next day, after lunch dPPP and RM finished all their food and politely asked daddy for a marshmellow. They didn't pronounce it correctly but I refuse to spell that it that way any longer for fear of my IQ dropping.
DH- Hey, where'd you put them?
Me- On the dresser
DH- They're not there.
Me- I know, they're all gone now, but I originally had put them on the dresser.
DH- You ate an entire bag of marshmellows?
Me- Nope, STA and SS7 ate the rest last night. I thought they deserved a treat for eating, not lieing, not throwing dishes at my head and generally not being asshats last night.
DH- So, that's probably why they were so excited to be here last night huh?
Me- Probably.
To which dPPP and RM began a holy war of fits. Thankfully, I had a nail appointment and mimosa to get to.