Where to start - I have to get this off my chest before I burst and say something totally awful to this kid who I will call "Cain" (kid, who am I kidding.....he's 27) and alienate him (not worried about alienating him from me but rather his father) I hate my youngest stepson - well I don't really hate him, but he makes it more difficult all the time to like him - His father and I met long after his parents had divorced - when we met, Cain was in prison for malicious property damage.

From all accounts, Cain and his father apparently have never had a great relationship, in large part due to the biomom, who would allow the Cain to do/say anything he wanted without consequences (this has been told to me by several family members, including my other step son (Abel), now, my husband is not perfect, but does have a strong set of values and beliefs which have never quite meshed w/ Cain.

It seems the only time we ever hear from Cain is when he wants something (usually money) or wants to brag about something (what he has bought, his latest raise from his job etc) Cain has 2 girls from 2 different girls who he sees as often as he can (I will give him points for being there as a dad, although w/ his warped sense of entitlement, I'm really not sure that these girls will grow up well adjusted at all) - his choice of baby mothers are less than stellar, the 1st girl is a drug addict and his daughter is being raised primarily by the mothers parents, but he has liberal visitation. The 2nd baby mother is a girl who has 4 children, all with different men and met Cain thru a website promoting one night stands (most politically correct way I can say this)

So there's all the background, so the latest issue that has me so ticked off is that I had a surprise 50th birthday party for his dad, which I told Cain about 2.5 months in advance so he could arrange to take part or all of the night off from work, this milestone was apparently NOT important to him at all, he told me flat out he would not be making it as he had to work, however, when he was told 2 weeks in advance of the family Christmas party, he could make arrangements to take that night off. So frustrating, especially since his father has bet over backwards trying to strengthen their relationship, so what this tells me is that the effort is totally one sided (my husbands) I really want to tell this ungrateful sh*t how much I despise him, that he is selfish and insensitive, but I can't because I know he will use that as an excuse to lash out at his father.

I also do not want to see him and goodness knows that when Cain next needs money, I am not going to want to help (this is always a decision that my husband and I make together, given I take care of the bills, it's usually in terms of "what can we afford") I know this is going to be an issue - so what next - how do I get past my feelings of resentment and yes in large part my hurt feelings!