She probably will never change. Acceptance is the key, my friend. I think they eventually "mellow" - but change, no. I just keep on keepin' on no matter what her latest antic is.

In your situation, I don't know. I would really struggle if BM was causing harm to my own kids. That's the lowest of the lows, I think. And it's so hard to put our children through someone else's bs.

I feel for you hon...big hugs.

Well, I guess I am no longer a step parent, but my ex has mellowed over the last four years. I will state I still don't trust her as far as I can throw a semi, but I do think things settle a little as time goes on. Lot depends on the character of the person to start with. People should be able to place their kids first, although sadly that doesn't happen as much as it should.

Kevin

it is DH that has to change before BM changes. People will only do what they are allowed to do (or get away with). If DH values our relationship more than his previous one, then he needs to put her in her place. Don't get me wrong... I have done my part to spray my territory, now its his turn and he has to STICK TO IT!!

BOUNDARIES, we all have them, we just need to respect each others.

The fricken mental gymnastics is what gets me... always anticipating the next move or motivation.

We cannot change people, only how we respond to them, thus it CAN redirect how they respond in kind.

I hope that they grow, and learn and change for the better.... but if they don't see a problem with their behavior, its not likely that they will ever change.

My skids bm sees nothing wrong with the way she treats people, thinks nothing of lying to get what she wants.... I don't see her changing... However; I hope I'm wrong.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"
-Budda

The two BM's I deal with will never change. And like persephone said, DH needs to also and probably never will either! Basically I'm in it for the money and his insurance...LMAO..j/k!
Seriously though, I have no hope for either of the BM's and little hope for the DH Funny thing, I'm a completely different person since we've gotten married b/c I've had to accept and adapt to every situation w/o complaint and with a smile. Amazing what life hands out when you're not paying close enough attention!
Dawn

I do have hope for BM, that eventually she'll get a grip on herself and get her life back into shape. I have hope that she'll find a man that she can control and fall madly in love and live happily ever after. Realistically I can't imagine someone living their life in so much misery and hatred for any long period of time...then I look back on this woman's life and realize that she's been living this way for 18 years and is likely to continue doing so until she drives herself to an early grave. I really hate to say that but she's already given herself high blood pressure problems from how upset she lets herself stay all the time about BF and myself. She does not get any exercise and only eats pre-made food, junk food, or fast food. I hate to say it but it's only a matter of time before she either kills herself in her misery or dies because of self-negligence...

Morbid, isn't it...*shivers*

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I've been patiently waiting for 8 years for her to finally grow up and act her age, and every year I continuously get more and more disappointment from her. She is dysfunctional today, and will be tomorrow, and the next day.

As long as she has her substance abuse problem, all the problems that fall in her lap are somehow everyone else's fault.

I just heard that she yelled at ss the other day for helping his little brother, and somehow that made her look like a bad mom....

I feel terrible for him. But for me, I know she will never grow up.

Candice

Our BM is spiteful, vindictive, conceit, manipulative, cold, resentful...I could use so many more adjectives if only I had a dictionary! It seems that her entire reason for being is to cause drama and make our lives miserable because she is not the custodial parent. She is a depressed individual and can't seem to get her act together, but then again....I don't think she wants to either. I hold out no hope for her, I only dream of the day in 6 years when I will no longer have to deal with her DRAMA.

No - I don't think that BM will ever change. After 11 years, nothing has changed. She's still the lying manipulitive person she was from the start. The only thing that I look forward to now, is the day when the Leech is burned off, and we only have to see her during the occasional shower/wedding.

She's an unhappy person, and it shows in her current marriage. Too bad, so sad for her.

I'm just glad I have hubby and three wonderful step children, that at times can get on my last nerve, but love like crazy anyway.