Best way to start this story is at the beginning. I was divorced after 10 years of marriage. For the first 7, things went as they would, normally struggling through financials, but overall, being happy, and fairly content with the whole "wedded bliss" thing. Then something changed in her. I don't know if she suddenly wanted to be free from the shackles of the whole marriage thing, if I was riding her too hard about her frivolous spending, or she just wanted to feel young again. Either way, we grew apart. Suddenly, everything she did was getting on my every last nerve. I tried to keep us together for our two young daughters, but after 3 years of practically begging her to stay and work it out, we separated.

Now, this obviously was a difficult time for me. I was trying to find myself, and what made me happy. The alcohol, and spending time with the kids when I got them (we have 50/50 custody) seemed to get me by for a little while. I was in no way ready to handle any kind of relationship with anyone else, when I didn't even really love myself. I was chasing women, and still having the occasional rendezvous with the ex-wife, where we would both explain to each other, that it was just sex, and nothing else.

Then I met....HER..... She was vibrant, and beautiful, caring, and giving in a way that I'd never encountered before. She was financially stable, a hard worker, and had a nose for the horizon. I wasn't ready to date at all, and felt bad that I was just going to treat this beautiful woman like a one night stand. But I also knew that I wasn't anywhere NEAR being ready for a relationship (it had only been 8 weeks since the separation). My lower head took over....

We started seeing more of each other, but I was still flirting with other women, and having the occasional experience with the ex (at this time still) wife. Things went on like this for a few weeks, until I knew that I couldn’t do that to HER anymore. So, I stopped seeing other women, and although I was still struggling with my family’s separation, I started falling in love. A few months later, I broke it off with HER so that I could try one last stab at keeping my family together. This was met with heavy resistance from my soon to be ex-wife. Now I’d done it. I screwed up any chance of happiness with HER, AND proven myself vulnerable to my ex.

After a short time of us not seeing each other, she started coming back around, and we became very close. But suddenly, the more I started to feel like I was trying to pull HER closer, SHE started pushing me away. She’d explained she’d done this many times to past flames, and how this was not in any way my fault, but she’d never met anyone like me, so if I showed patience with her struggles, we could work through it. Things went on like this for a few months, the push and pull of strong passions, both positive and negative, until the day I came home to expletive laden rants on my bathroom mirror. She’d found my journal. Everything that I’d done in the first few weeks of our relationship was suddenly out on the table. I tried to explain to HER that I wasn’t the same person. That I was confused, and not ready to seriously commit. But that didn’t help. Plus the push and pull hadn’t helped my demeanor towards her at all.

We split for a few months, both dating other people, but still having the same kinds of flings my ex and I had had. This wasn’t stable for me, or her, and we both decided that we were really into each other, so we should give it another go. Things were fantastic for a few months. Then the wheels started falling off again. Her new desire was to have children, which she had voiced previously, but I didn’t take into much consideration, due to her constant unrest in our relationship (just figured it was something else she was pointing out that I wasn’t doing right). Now, it started to become something she was obsessing about. Well, I thought I was doing the right thing by not telling her that her emotional instability was the reason for my uneasily feeling about getting a vasectomy reversal, because I didn’t want her to have to feel like something else was wrong with HER. Within a year, we had had enough arguing, and split it off again.

This was the LOWEST point in my life, far worse than the divorce, and far worse than anything else that had happened to me in the past 36 years. After a month of not being with each other, we spoke with a counselor we had seen a few times “pre-break up”. She had stated to me that if we were going to do this, to go ALL IN. Take one foot out of the other relationship I’d had, and go for this one, if I was going to do it. That may have been holding her back from really wanting to trust me. I thrust myself back into this toxic relationship with wreck less abandon. I asked her to marry me. We moved out to her house. We wed, on a beautiful Sunny day in July, with our families approvingly looking on.

To this date, nothing has gotten any better. She goes days, sometimes weeks without getting upset. But as soon as the ex-wife calls, or I have to get into touch with her regarding the kids schedules… BAM! It’s crazy time. She tells me that I’m supposed to cut all ties with my ex-wife, and “treat her like an ex.” That we have ZERO boundaries, and that the ex can just pick up and call whenever she wants. Which she doesn’t, nor do I. My only reason for getting ahold of her (or vice versa) is to get information about the kids, or to communicate pick up, drop off times, and discuss school performance, things that need to be addressed. She thinks that because she calls from time to time that the ex has an open book and can get ahold of me, whenever she wants, and that she wants me back. I’ve tried to explain to HER, that A. she doesn’t, and B. I wouldn’t get back with that cheating, lying, stealing chick if she was the last woman on the planet. But because I have an 8 and 11 year old, these discussions are mandatory.

This is an awfully long story. And the only reason it’s written this way is to give background to the other, more interesting issues that come along with step parenting. Trying to be cohesive with the children’s upbringing without cordial contact with the ex is almost impossible from the stories that I’ve read. My kids mean the world to me, and they’ve behaved quite well through this whole trauma to their lives. They still ask goofy questions, like, “why doesn’t mom come live with us, and we could all be together?” and things like that. (This only sends my wife into another tail spin). I’m not a person to hold a deep seeded grudge. I know that I’ve got to be in contact with my ex from time to time. So I have given up being petty and upset about it. Why bother. Why make it a big deal? That’s not HER take on it at all. She thinks I should be so stung by hate that I should treat her like a 3rd class citizen. That I should never answer her calls or emails, and only get back with her later, out of pure spite.

Look, I could give a crap if I really offended my ex wife. But the fact of the matter is, with kids, we’re going to see ourselves for the rest of our lives. Why be petty and pissed off at each other for the next 50 years. I am grateful to my ex for two things: Giving me two beautiful little girls, and Letting me go so that I can find someone that truly makes me happy. The only problem is, is that this person that makes me happy, doesn’t seem to be happy with me at all.....