Things have changed
I forgot my password but somehow I got into my old account but here goes. It has been two years since I've had to get on here and vent. Ss stopped coming around after I had the baby. His mom blames me somehow because of it. She was sending him here in the same clothes he'd had on for weeks. He was covered in dog hair and smelled. He was being dropped off at all hours and days. Imagine 12:30 at night. I was about to have our baby. We talked to him numerous times about boundaries. It did no good. I found out all of this was being done for spite. He ended up hating the baby and tried to scare him. So two years later they still live right above our house. Supposedly they're being made to move. But on our end I am very close to getting some money from a settlement. I put my husband as part of it called loss of consortium. He's getting a small amount. The lawyers lied to me and said it would be divided. It was not but my main concern is if the ex and ss hear we have money he's gonna try to weasel his way back in. Hubby says it's not happening. He's hurt bc he dropped him, won't reply to his texts, and won't even open them up. I want to move. I'm having trouble finding an affordable place to buy with the amount of money I'm getting. I've told my hubby that I will not put up with them coming back around pulling in at any time day or night. When my fil passed ss never came to the wake, funeral, not contacted my husband. He's deeply hurt but I know he loves his son. I am terrified of this mess starting again before we can get moved out and away from here or they move. I noticed someone waving from their vehicle as they went by today. I know how the bm is. She's gonna think she's entitled to some cash. She's the lowest type of person there is. I'm sure that ss is just like her by now. He only wanted to come around before when my husband had money for a pizza and or we had wifi. I just had to vent because I'm in a panic over them finding out. He says he's gonna tell him he made his bed but after all. He's only 12-13. If my dh wants to be in his life as cruel as I may sound I'm gone. I'm not putting my toddler at risk so he can lay on his a$$ and use us. Thanks for reading my story. Please don't judge. I've tried to love this kid. Tried to be good to him. Then I saw how he truly was. He was so disrespectful and entitled and I can't have that around my two year old. Not to mention all the aggravation of seeing his mom drop him out without asking could he stay. I'm gonna stop here lol. I've just been through so much with them I could write a book.
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The way you were talking ..
The way you were talking .. it sounded like he was much older.. but 12-13.. how did your DH think the kid was going to go to the funeral on his own? Do you think his mom could be having some influence on him? It seems like your DH has checked out on his son.. at a fairly young age.. it's not your relationship to fix.. but a minor should have a relationship with both parents.. unless he is a physical danger.. that should include being in his father's home.. obviously supervised.. you said he scared the baby.. not sure his age when that happened.. but a young kid acting out.. maybe due to jealousy of being displaced doesn't necessarily merit being evicted from his family..
What does your SO want?
First protect the Money
Put it in a real bank account, or accounts. Don't know the amount. Try to make it that DH cant access the account,, or really. Heard to access the account. I.E. has to physically go to the bank. Like NO. ATM card. Talk to DH. Make plans on what the money is going to be used for. NOT just to take out $200 a week and blow it. After a few years the money is gone.
Don't blow it on cars, booze, vacations.. Back to make a plan and stick with it.
BM. SK are not part of the plan. Just pay the CO amount and that's it
Check out the laws where you
Check out the laws where you live to see if this settlement is considered marital property. If it's not, please do NOT co-mingle it. That means buying a house with it where your husband's name is on the deed or placing it in a jointly held account. If you do those things with money that is considered yours, you will be gifting him 1/2 of the amount. Also, you can protect the money from greedy exes and stepkids by keeping it in your name.
Not sure why a kid gets to not visit.
Kids do what they are told.
In CO/Visitation situations, if the CP does not surrender the kid per the visitation schedule, the NCP smacks the CP with a contempt motion. Kids who play these games need to see the toxic parent get their ass bared in court. Over, and over, and over again.
DH needs to man up and deal with his toxic failed family progeny and his X.
I am sorry you are having to re-live DH's failed family crap.
Take care of you.