I found these three posts very interesting and thought provoking. Before being in this relationship and becoming a SM, I never thought much about these issues other than to give Barbie the BOOT

I could be very, very wrong, but I don't think most people are fully prepared for the responsibility and expense of child rearing when they conceive a child. I'm sure that many married dads, and moms, see children as obligations when the going gets rough. Lack of money can exacerbate that feeling.

Now that I see a situation where there are angry and bitter parents fighting over financial issues, I find myself feeling the same way. The father should provide for children he brought into the world, however, so should the mother. If they chose a family structure where one stayed at home and one worked and then the marriage fails, the law provides protection for the children. If that mother (and some men) received financial support in exchange for child rearing and housekeeping there are no guarantees in this world that that situation will nover change. Good men do lose their jobs, become ill or unable to provide at that same level. It seems though, that mothers make choices to stay home, not continue their education, not work, relying on another person for their support. In our modern world and depressed economy, that no longer seems reasonable to me.

In any event, children are obligations and I feel that both parents should be responsible for those children, both financially and emotionally.

Eating your SKIDS, well, that's a complex subject. If kids are so difficult because they cannot adapt to the new step-parent, then firm behavioral controls should be put into place. Maybe the family should attend counseling. For me personally, I don't find it natural or unnatural to parent another person's child. It is the reactions and behaviors of those children and their natural parents that make it unpleasant. I also feel that the final and absolute responsibility for them lies with their natural parents, not the step-parent, unless they have been adopted.

For instance, one day a few years ago, there was a tornado in my area. I came home in a severe storm with 80 mile an hour winds and flooding. Running to my door I saw a little boy wandering about. I asked him what he was doing. He said the bus dropped him off but his mother wasn't home and he was locked out. I took him into the hallway (where I stopped lest someone accuse me of kidnapping) I asked him for his mother's cell phone number. After 4 tries he got it right and I told her he was with me. She cried and said thank you, she could not get home because of the flooding. I took him inside, made him a sandwich and turned on the tv. There we sat until she was able to get home. Natural to me.

As for the spouses who ignore, neglect or otherwise disrespect their partners/ spouses when children are present, they are abusing/neglecting their current spouse. Frankly, I would be alarmed if my husband and natural child spent their time cuddling, stroking, whispering, and attending events without me and he only found intimacy with me through sex. If this were my step child, I would have to determine if this was unnatural, or a result of limited time with their child. I do find all the physical contact described a bit alarming, however. It seems a bit inappropriate with chilren over about 6 years.

If your child is missing and you cannot go into the room with your husband and SKID, that is a problem. The relationship is abusive.

F.