But I would definitely share your sentiments. This is your day to enjoy and feel comfortable. Won't your bf reconsider?

the wedding day is a very special time for you and your husband. I would not want my husband's ex at my wedding, and it should have nothing to do with the child being there.

He needs to uninvite her. Tell her there's been a change in plans. Then just get married without telling her the date so that she can't screw up visitation. I have a bad feeling about this... it sets a bad precedence. If it's already started at the wedding, it won't be long until she's invited to spend Thanksgiving with you, Christmas, vacations. I don't know if you're planning to have children with your husband-to-be, but if you do, is she planning on being there for that, too?!

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

This may sound extremely childish, but I would call off the wedding if he doesn't un-invite her. Just my thoughts. I would lie to her and either tell her you changed the date, or decided not to get married, doesn't matter. At whatever costs, un-invite her. If your fiance won't agree, then maybe it would be best for you guys to not take that step yet. If this woman had been civil, and had not caused problems, it would still be a 50-50 shot that she should be there. In this case, stand your ground. I mean, what if she objects? How embarrassing would that be? Your fiance may say something like, "Oh, she would never do that?". Don't listen. If this woman has been, for lack of a better word, shitty in the past, DO NOT expect her to act like an adult in this situation. And besides, getting married is stressful enough without having to worry about the ex.

Just my thoughts. But you are totally within reason to feel the way you do. I know my situation is different than yours, but if Mic even mentioned something like that, I tend to think I would call off the wedding. We're getting married in a year and a half-haven't totally set a date yet. Still trying to figure out how we can get the court involved to make sure the best man will be there, and how we can keep the date and location a secret from Ms. Perfect.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

my DH mentioned that his ex would love to come to our wedding. I looked at him like he had 50 heads...We did NOT invite her. She however sent a gift (which I thought was unnecessary) AND than asked him to see photos which I didn't give her.
Come on..let us move on from the past relationships. Just becaues they had kids with these people doesn't give them the right to constantly be in our lives. This is not the sons wedding, its YOUR wedding. Good luck. And I too wouldn't walk down the aisle with my ex or his ex there...and they are nice people. Just my .02

The notion of an ex being invited to your wedding is completely absurd.... This is YOUR wedding and why on earth would you want someone there whom does not wish you the best?? (question for fiance').... not to mention the tension that would/will be in the air on your special day?? Come on now.....

OK, for once I am going to say something that could be completely insane in some eyes ecspecially since I have the "bM drama" I actually invited my step sons mother to our wedding. The reason I did this is that I feel like she is beginning to open her eyes and see that I am not the evil witch. She in fact has told me tonight that she feels very comfortable with me around her son (whom is 5) Call me crazy, but its true. I sent her an invitation. Do I think she will come? No, but if she does that is ok. It is my day, and I would be happy no matter who was there. I feel like sometimes you need to stand up and be the better woman. Then maybe she will follow and things will go smoother!

can I not imagine why anyone would want a spouse's ex at their wedding, I can't imagine why any ex spouse would want to attend their ex's wedding!
Who in heaven's name would want to see the ex spouse they'd once committed their heart, body and life to, make the same commitment to someone else?

It's all beyond wierd. Last stop on the train to bizarroland.

I also wonder what message would we be sending by inviting the ex? I totally understand hammiesammies point...and it's admirable...BUT I don't want this woman in my new circle even if she is Mother Teresa! So to invite her would have been phony in my opinion. I am friendly with her but not friends.

I am also engaged to someone who has a son and had a hard time with his mother for a long time. She is not going to be invited to our wedding. If you read Emily post she also states it's not proper etiquite (spelling?) to invite the ex. I was also worried that she would try to keep their son from going, but my fiance just said that he's not going to let her do that. We get along better now, but there's always going to be that akwardness between us I think. But no matter what, she is NOT going to our wedding! You have his family to watch the son and make sure he does everything right, you don't need the ex. You need to be able to enjoy your own wedding. If is ex is immature enough that she would not have their son go just because she wasn't invited. I would worry that she would be immature enough to try to ruin your wedding. This is just a sign that she has a lot of control in his life. I wouldn't stand for it.

inviting the ex to your wedding, is that your fiance did it without consulting you first. He totally overstepped your boundaries as the bride/corridinator of the wedding. I can see his point of thinking of inviting her, but to just do it without consulting you first is totally inappropriate.

If you and his ex were totally on good terms, and she was a person who didn't cause drama, hate and discontent, then I could see inviting her. I don't think there is any harm into inviting a person that has good intentions for you, bf, and children, no matter who they are. But that is not the case for you. You do not have to suffer through someone that does not have good intentions for you at your wedding.

Speaking from experience, I did suffer through some people who did not have good intentions for me at our wedding. My mil, her sister, and my sil were not happy at our wedding. I couldn't exactly not invite his mother, and my sil (well I thought we were friends). They had no bearing on how fun/successful my wedding was, and it WAS the best day of my life! But I will tell you, my feelings were really hurt when I later found out that my sil was talking trash about me at my own wedding. It was really hurtful b/c I thought she was my friend, and it took my wedding for me to figure out that she wasn't. Now my mil and her sister, they didn't bother me. I knew going into it that they were crazy, and they were not going to be happy at the wedding. In fact, my mil refused to smile in any of the wedding pictures. Her loss, not mine.

So, if you plan to go on with the wedding plans, and your fiance doesn't un-invite her, you need to tackle these feelings NOW, and be prepared so that your wedding day is as beautiful as you want it to be!

Bests,
Candice