Is it Normal?

So BM and DH were never married, just lived together and had SD.

Yesterday BM texts me to say SD was going to urgent care for a rash on her head (possibly from reaction of medicine she is taking).

But is it really normal for her to call DH mom to tell her as well? BM and DH's mom were never close, and do not have any relationship whatsoever and DH's family does not like BH due to many issues and hardships she caused for DH.

I said to DH isn't that something we should call and tell your mom about?

Or am I like the crazy one and it is normal for BM to call DH's mom to tell her about a rash on SD?

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Seems odd to me to alert

Seems odd to me to alert anyone other than the other parent until you at least know what's going on.

Right. And then I said to him

Right. And then I said to him, well she made sure everyone was alerted but then nothing on what the doctor said ???

I'd be wondering what her

I'd be wondering what her game is.

My thought exactly. thank you

My thought exactly. thank you!

Yeah, that seems off. Like

Yeah, that seems off. Like she is either ramping up for some kind of sympathy from MIL or wanting something from your DH.

thank you agreed, and am

thank you agreed, and am somewhat fearful of what is next to come

My SKs' BM was like this. She

My SKs' BM was like this. She would do things to make sure she stayed relevant and reminded me and everyone else that she was married to DH first.

That doesn't seem normal to

That doesn't seem normal to me at all. I wouldn't call DH's mom to tell her I was taking DD to urgent care for a rash (DH could do that if he wanted her to know), and I'd be stunned if BM ever called MIL to tell her she was taking a skid to the emergency room, let alone an urgent care. The one time she had to take a skid to get stitches BM did call DH, but I'm sure the thought of calling his mother never crossed her mind.

right thanks, yes DH mom

right thanks, yes DH mom called and said that BM called her and asked how SD was doing but just seems off to me

Unless MIL was around SD and

Unless MIL was around SD and maybe had something contagious like Hand, Foot, and Mouth OR MIL had called SD to chat and BM was explaining why SD wasn't available or something, it's odd.

Your DH needs to pay attention to this. BM in my life would involve my MIL but not tell my DH what was happening. BM and MIL were very enmeshed which led to issues for DH. He couldn't stop BM and MIL, but he definitely started keeping distance from his mom and saw her as "Team BM". It has hurt their relationship a lot, but my MIL also deep dived right into it. If your MIL is smart, she'll tell BM "thanks for the info, I'll get follow up from my son" and politely stay out of it.

No SD is in a different state

No SD is in a different state than MIL and has not seen her in almost a year, so not the case,.

I appreciate the feedback, to me it's just like what was the point of calling her, like she has other intentions.. I am hoping it does not hurt my relationship with my inlaws because I just want to say why did you even pick up the phone, let her leave a message.

Has BM been a problem in the

Has BM been a problem in the past with them, or has she made frequent calls to them before? If BM doesn't call regularly, I could see your MIL answering because she thought something was wrong. The better gauge on this is what MIL thinks and did after that call. If MIL just said "thanks for letting me know" and plans on sending her to voicemail going forward, great. If MIL sees this as an opening to get involved with BM, then your DH may need to chat with her about BM's past actions and current intentions.

My best guess of what BM may have been trying to do? Likely trying to get DH in trouble over those shoes or asking for cash or a gift for SD. Or trying to make MIL feel bad that she isn't more involved by playing up the "your poor granddaughter is sick and you aren't even here to comfort her". It's your MIL's problem to deal with.

hmm ... good question...BM

hmm ... good question...BM has always been a problem, she calls infrequently but from my understanding never about something that was an emergency, always something not super important that causes problems, BM moved SD out of state so really MIL cannot be too involved because BM is the one who took her away. I sure hope in the future she would just send her to voicemail.

hmm ... good question...BM

Unless its contagious

Unless the rash is contagious, and DH's mom is a caregiver of SD, then why would she need to know? That does seem wierd to me.

Thank you! WEIRD to me too!!

Thank you! WEIRD to me too!! no MIL lives in seperate state than SD so she has not been near her or seen her.

Just a minute, urgent care

Just a minute, urgent care for a RASH?!

thank you! right! can I give

thank you! right! can I give you a hug!!!

Geez

BM's way to try to stay relevant with DH's family.

I believe that is in the Toxic BM playbook .

Just ignore. You cannot control BM, neither can DH. Trust me DH's family sees through this too.

Keep on being Mrs.Frustratedbonusmom , thats something BM never had.

If only ignoring was easy lol

If only ignoring was easy lol... I will work harder on just ignoring...thank you for the response and making me chuckle just a little..!

What changed? Something set

What changed? Something set BM off that caused a change in behavior.

I wouldn't read too much into

I wouldn't read too much into in as long as its a one time event. Taking you kid to urgent care is a harrowing experience, even if you know they will be ok. DS (then 6) fell in school. The nurse bandaged him up & sent us off the ER as she thought it needed stitches. They asked him a dozen times what happened, even with the school incident report. DS sent the nurse into belly laughter from behind the curtain, when she left the "room" & he asked me if they were "special" people? why did they keep asking him the same question? Couldn't they read?

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